Feeling Lost and Churchless

I wanted to forewarn everyone that this post is about how depressed I’ve been about what’s been going on at what use to be my church and I guess a sense of loss of hope.

I’m sure many of my readers know that I’ve been having a lot of feelings about what’s going on at what use to be my church. I don’t want to me

The pastor and his wife left what use to be my church literally the day before Christmas. They did the Christmas Eve service and that was it. They let the congregation know around 2 weeks before that he was moving out of state since he found a new job/church. I don’t understand why they left, but they did. I get that pastors and church leaders have to follow the promptings of God. I just can’t keep focusing on that though.

I need to shift my focus on God instead of focusing on the hurt and pains I’ve been having. Today my husband and I drove past what use to be my church and it’s like there isn’t anything left that would point to what was my church being a 70 year old church. It’s as of any remnant of what use to be my church left. The door to the basement that use to be the Hub now has the name of the church that our church hired. When I seen the sign on the street corner and there is no name of what use to be my church. I will post pictures on here, even though I didn’t want to mention the name of my old church.

I had a really hard time emotionally driving past my old church. it’s so hard moving forward since my heart is still with my old church. I’ve heard over and over again that I shouldn’t be concerned over thigs such as the name or other things.

My husband and I were talking a couple of days ago that if one of us died, what would we do. We’ve had this discussion a number of times over the year. For me, my answer has always been that I would buy a condo in St. George since we have a pretty good amount of life insurance. That’s because my roots are here. My daughters live here and so do my grandkids. For me at least I wanted to be where my church family is. But, a couple of days ago, we were talking about how we may want to increase our life insurance since it’s expensive to live here. I told my husband that now that I have no church or place where my feet are grounded, I don’t know if I would stay here.

There are many who don’t think it’s a big deal, but for me it is. The connection I had with my church family has grounded me and has made me feel complete. I told my husband that I could live anywhere now, just as long as I can be somewhat close to my daughters and grandkids. I know it sounds silly to put my hopes, dreams and heart with what use to be my church family. Now, there’s a church family that’s been strung in all directions. All of these things have been running through my mind.

I feel like I’m the only one making a big deal over what’s going on. I’ve tried talking to others that use to go to church with me and they have been able to move on for the most part, but not completely. 

As I close this chapter and I really need to do that since the hurt I’m feeling is preventing me from finding a church home that God has intended me to be at. I also need to remember that it isn’t God’s fault for how His children act and behave. I shouldn’t ever leave church. Even though I’m no longer going to the church I just left, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t another church out there that God is directing me to.

I’ve been praying that God will guide and direct me to my new church home. The Bible tells us that the “church” is not a building, instead it’s a body of those who believe in God. 

  • Hebrews 10:25 says, “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another.” 

These are some of the things that I’m looking at when choosing a new church home.

  • Find a church that teaches that the Bible is God’s inspired Word.
  • Is the church a place that focuses on local and international missionaries? We are told in Matthew 28:19–20 that we need to go into the world and make disciples of all nations and that we need to share the Gospel with everyone.

Matthew 28:19–20  : Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father ad of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

  • For me at least, music is important. I love the old hymns, but I not only enjoy contemporary music speaks to my heart and mind. My favorite groups are Casting Crowns, For King and Country, Lauren Daigle, Jeremy Camp and so on. For me at least many of the hymns that I hear sounds like they are at a funeral. I know that God wants us to sing with a joyful heart. I know that I shouldn’t choose a church because of the music, but it’s important.
  • I want to find a church where politics aren’t part of the church service. Praying for our countries leaders and for our president are things we all need to pray over. However if the sermon because a political message, I won’t be back at that church.

As I was typing out this blog post, I was listening to “Pandora” on my ROKU streaming device this song by Jonny Diaz called “Breathe”. I’ve never really paid attention to the actual words to this song. I hear it and will sing along with it and then wait for the next song to come on. This song was as if God was directing me to just step back and take a moment to breathe. Click on the link below to listen to the song. The lyrics are below the video for this song..

Breathe By; Jonny Diaz

Alarm clock screaming bare feet hit the floor

It’s off to the races everybody out the door

I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life

Ninety miles an hour going fast as I can

Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand

So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life

It’s ready, set, go it’s another wild day

When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel You say just

(chorus)

Breathe, just breathe

Come and rest at My feet

And be, just be

Chaos calls but all you really need

Is to just breathe

Third cup of joe just to get me through the day

Wanna make the most of time but I feel it slip away

I wonder if there’s something more to this crazy life

I’m busy, busy, busy, and it’s no surprise to see

That I only have time for me, me, me

There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life

I’m hanging on tight to another wild day

When it starts to fall apart in my heart I hear You say just

(chorus)

Breathe, just breathe

Come and rest at My feet

And be, just be

Chaos calls but all you really need

Is to take it in fill your lungs

The Peace of God that overcomes

Just breathe

Let your weary spirit rest

Lay down what’s good and find what’s best

Just breathe

(chorus)

Just breathe, just breathe

Come and rest at My feet

And be, just be

Chaos calls but all you really need

Is to just breathe

One thought on “Feeling Lost and Churchless

  1. Good morning Ms Sandie
    I am greeting you in Jesus name
    My name is Marie I am a refugee in Uganda its one of the African countries.I started struggling when I was you all my parents died when I was young orphans life is not easy tears for everyday my life is a refugee is discouraged me sometimes I was raped I am a single mother none knows how to hide a pain as a single mother maybe the single mothers like me can understand me .

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