I want to prewarn everyone that this may be a bit of a depressing blog post since I’ve been having some negative feelings. If you’re having a difficult time, this may be a Debbie downer kind of post.
For quite a while now, I’ve had a number of things on my mind. I will be doing a few blogs on some of these thoughts. It’s hard to summarize how 2020 and even the beginning of 2021 has been so far and how it’s been a constant state of grief for the world.
For many people, it’s been a year that’s been filled with loss, depression, spiritual chaos and so on. Covid has taken it’s toll on everyone all over the world. We’ve gone and are still going through this pandemic, racial injustice, Trumps impeachment and monumental election that had historically the highest turnout. Over 500,000 lives have been lost because of this virus. In November we elected a new president. When Biden was confirmed, people who claimed to be patriots stormed the capital because they thought the election was stolen. I don’t think it was stolen.
I have very much been feeling like we’ve lost our way in this country. I also feel like I’ve lost my way in some sense. This has been a year that includes sudden death of my brother in law Ira, interrupted weddings, online graduations, online classes, lonely holidays, families not together and the way we can’t interact with other people unless your 6 feet apart. If we want to wish someone a happy birthday, it was at a distance people drove down the street in parade formations. Lives were lost unnecessarily to this virus since so many people believed it was a hoax. It’s like mankind has been lost in a forest and no compass to direct us to find our way.
The challenges we’ve been facing has been going on for such a long time. It’s as if we are in a slow motion movie heading for a brick wall. I’ve been feeling like I’ve been trapped in a corner and all I can do is to try to protect myself from the next thing that is bound to be thrown at me. It just keeps dragging on and on. I’m more than ready to get off this train of life.
I know for myself I’m missing my friends like Jennifer H and my family that are near and far. I haven’t seen my daughter Rebechia and my grandkids for months. The sad part is that they live only 10 minutes from me. I haven’t been to church out of fear of getting sick. Since I have no immune system, I can’t risk being around others which means going to church isn’t safe. For most of the world we’ve had to wear masks when doing normal things such as grocery shopping, going to doctors appointments, visiting family members and so much more. Interacting with family and friends through zoom calls and facetime is getting old. I’m grateful that we have the kind of technology that allows us to visit our loved ones. It’s just really hard for me to visit people this way.
I’ve also been feeling a lot of spiritual chaos for a year now. I won’t go into details since I’ve mentioned the problems I’ve been dealing with concerning the church I use to go to. For me, my relationship with Christ and the interaction with other like minded people are one of the most important aspects in my life. God has been a constant in my life. He has and still is a huge part of my life. I’ve been feeling lost and alone since all of this virus stuff started in addition to other things that has been happening at church.
I’m very much missing most life events, joy, safety and a sense of well being. I’m feeling as if my life is adrift and I’ve been lost at sea looking for the directions that are needed and necessary to having a healthy and important life. My hope is for life to return to some sort of normalcy. I am hopeful that we will look back on this last year and commit to living a life of gratitude and to be grateful for the gift of life that God has given me. My prayer is that the joy, love and hope will once again return and we will all experience these things in our lives. I am hopeful that we have learned to take nothing for granted.
There are many who are fighting for their lives in all of the world. My niece Janice is in the hospital in Tucson, fighting for her life. I would love it if everyone would keep my nephew Kevin, his kids who are also fighting covid and his wife Janice in your prayers. Janice is fighting
“I am hopeful for the return of civility and calm, for the impact that a vaccine will have, that once again we will feel joy and hope and love as everyday experiences in our lives.
The words below pretty much sums up what I’ve been feeling wise below;
- Lost and Lonely
As I was watching and listening to all of the commotion that was happening beginning Tuesday, November 3rd my mind was on how everything could possibly change for the better or worse because here in the United States we were going through the election of either an old president or a new one. For me, I have been impatiently waiting. I know there are many of my friends who don’t agree with me on this and that’s more than fine. I do my best to respect those who don’t vote the same way that I do.
“I am hopeful that we can remember that we are all on the same side in the bigger picture. I am hopeful we will stop using such extreme and hateful rhetoric to describe people we don’t agree with.”