A New Season – Moving Forward

We can’t move forward if we keep looking back.

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My church has been going through a lot of changes for a while. Our pastor resigned around Christmas which means that St. George Community Church is stepping into a new season.

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Ephesians 4:11-12 –And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds, and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ,

My prayers have been focused on finding a pastor who God sent our way. These are the things I’ve been focusing my prayers on.

  1. God sends us a pastor who has a vision for reaching the lost and advancing the Kingdom of God.
  2. Finding a pastor who has strong leadership skills.
  3. Putting our trust in God since He knows what our church needs. Instead of following our own wishes.
  4. Praying for the search committee and the leadership team since finding the man who God sends our way.

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As our church moves into this new season, God will move us in the right direction, however, we need to trust in Him alone and not lean on our own understanding. If we get stuck in the past, then we cannot move forward.

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Pastor Ellis and Karen Keck was awesome and everyone loved him and Karen

Our family has been at our church for over 25 years. During that time, we’ve had a number of pastors. Whenever we had to find a new pastor, there were changes. The transitions weren’t always easy. When Pastor Keck retired, we ended up with a pastor that split the church. We went from 100 people every Sunday to 40 people. There are many reasons for how this happened. Our church members voted against the pastor and his family because he had children who were younger and the pastor was in his 30’s or 40’s. They also said that they didn’t want him because they wanted someone their age since he would understand their needs. Instead, they voted for a different pastor, which almost destroyed our church.

I want everyone to know that this happened about 20 years ago. Our church has a different congregation now. Hopefully, history doesn’t repeat itself. The pastor that was hired had a hard time because most of the members for the most part were comparing Pastor Wayne to Ellis Keck. Everyone loved Ellis. I adored Ellis and he was able to reach people and kids of all ages. I was also guilty of comparing Pastor Wayne to Pastor Keck.

1-Sam-16-7In my point of view and I may be wrong. So, please don’t quote me. When we are searching for a new pastor, there isn’t anything wrong with wanting a pastor who has a fresh perspective and is able to offer the kind of leadership skills that are needed for our church’s next season as a church. There’s always going to be risks since there isn’t a perfect person out there, therefore we need to have faith in the Lord and trust Him.  I honestly believe that the voice of the Lord will lead us in the righter direction if we listen. it’s foolish for me to listen to my own heart and mind since it’s wiser to listen to the Lord.

 The LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

Since our church is looking for a new pastor and we’re getting ready to vote for Pastor Sam in a few weeks I hope that the members of our church will realize that there is no perfect person unless you’re Jesus. There are no perfect congregations. Again, we are in a new season. God has been answering some of my prayers through my dreams. I will be sharing some of those dreams in the next blog.

2 Timothy 4:2  – Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction.

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Out of My Comfort Zone;

I’m a creature of nature. I don’t like change and I prefer things the same way since that’s my comfort zone. My normal patterns are that I walk into church, I sit in the same place on the same pew. I know the order of service and I know where everyone is sitting. I also start looking at the clock if the service goes over 12 noon I will start fidgeting along with a lot of other people.

churchpews1For over 25 years, If someone is sitting in “my seat”. I get upset and agitated since someone “stole” my seat. I’m not the only person who does this. There were a man and woman who sits 2 pews ahead of me. They sit by the window.  A couple of students from Dixie State University was visiting our church. They sat in Glen and June’s “spot”. Glen stood there and asked them to move since that was their seat. Our pastor ended up putting a notification about this. He said that there is no saving of seats and that we must welcome newcomers. Glen and June were in their 80’s or 90’s.

The reason I’m mentioning this is that people don’t want to change. They want everything the same way. I’m this way also. By doing this though, we’re telling people that they aren’t welcome.

My daughter Jessica ended up taking my grandkids to another church because some of the people at church made their feelings clear that they didn’t want any kids since they make noises and disrupt things. We love our church. We can’t keep saving our seats because eventually there won’t be anyone wanting to come to church since they don’t feel like they are welcomed. Jessica is in the stage of waiting,  If we got the right pastor that God wants to go in the direction of growth and reaching out to people of all ages and her kids, then she would be over the moon knowing that JJ and Josalyn would be welcome.

gracetalksWhen I remember the times many times when I’ve prayed for God to send me someone to help and then when help arrives, I turn it down. That’s because I didn’t get the kind of help I thought I wanted instead of what God knows I needed.  It’s the same way with churches. I’ve been praying for God to send our church someone who has a vision for advancing the kingdom of God. Our church is a couple of weeks away from voting for Pastor Sam Martin. I’ve been listening to Red Mesa Fellowships sermons on youtube and his videos called “Grace Talks”. These messages on “Grace Talks” was what helped me see what and who Pastor Sam is and what he believes. This is their facebook Page

If any readers that go to my church, it’s important for you to listen to what Tom who’s one of our members has to say. Please watch the service and please keep our church in our prayers. This is a video of this week’s service at my church St. George Community Church with guest pastor Pastor Sam Martin from Red Master Fellowship).

I will be sharing a few dreams that I’ve been having when I pray about our church in the next blog. These dreams are answers that I received when I prayed about our church. These dreams are also why I’m voting yes on Pastor Sam. I wasn’t going to until I had these dreams. I wasn’t going to since it would mean a lot of changes for our church. But, changes are what needed to happen since this new season. If there aren’t changes, then we might as well count our church as a dying church, which is what it is at this time.

Our church has been having a very difficult season that started before our previous pastor resigned. His last sermon was on Christmas Eve. Ever since then our church has been searching for a pastor who God wants us to have. Then the whole covid-19 happened. Our church stopped having services at the end of March and we just started having services again on May 24th. Pastor Sam Martin did the first sermon when we started back up and will be preaching for the next two services.

The pastor that our church is preparing to vote on I believe he is the right person. I may not agree on some things but,  that’s because I’m used to doing things the way we’ve always have been doing them. I’ve had so many people ask me about what they should do and they share their thoughts. The only thing I can tell them is that they have to vote for what’s best for our church. They need to pray about God’s Will and not our own. I’ve asked myself many questions about this and all I can think about is that if we don’t listen to God, then we might as well shut the doors and sell the church to Dixie State University. The way things are now and have been for the last 6 months, our church will cease to exist since it is a dying church. The only way our church can survive is if we start listening to God and stop listening to our minds.

Some people may not be comfortable with the changes since he doesn’t fit their criteria or mold that we’ve had in the past. Just because God sent someone who is different than my ideas or service styles, that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t be open to change. Too many people are wanting someone like our previous pastors. I’m not the kind of person to surrender, but this is something that I must do. I trust in the Lord and will do what God desires.

I’m not telling people who to vote for. I’m just asking people to pray and listen to the voice of God.

Follow my Dentures Journey

I will be doing this series for the next few weeks. I will also be including videos of another person youtube channel since she has been very helpful and has been giving me some peace while I begin this process. If she happens to come to my blog, I hope she knows how blessed I am because of her journey. This is Glitterhead Dental Diaries. This is her link. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDtEudTYmP3QASYL0PFrFEw

I’ve been having a lot of problems with my teeth recently. I had no idea until I talked to others in the Guillain Barre Syndrome support group that it’s common to have severe problems with teeth. My teeth have been crumbling all the way to the gums. Today I lost 2 more teeth. I’ve stopped going to most places, church services, or visiting friends. The only place I go anywhere is when I have to pick up my husband’s check and cash it. I will go out to eat with my daughter Jessica and my grandkids. It’s only on Fridays that I go out of the house. This means I only leave the house 4 days a month unless I have to go to a Dr’s appt. On those days, I’m only gone 2-3 hours on Fridays. So, I need to for sure get my teeth done.

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This image is a stock image and not my teeth. 

About 2 1\2  to 3 yrs ago, my teeth were in great shape. I didn’t really have any cavities. I’ve only been to the dentist to remove my wisdom teeth. I also had one of my tooths break since I had a cavity so I had to have a cap and crown. My dentist told me that it was a good thing that my teeth are in good shape since I have a lot of anxiety when it comes to going to the dentist.

"Just relax!"
This is the image I keep seeing when I go to any dentist. EEEKS

The reason why I have anxiety when I go to the dentist is because of an experience I had with a local dentist. I went to Dr. Erickson to have my four wisdom teeth removed. The assistant or the dentist put novocaine in to make things numb so they could remove them without pain. I think it was the dentist who did the injections. Anyhow, he started on the first wisdom tooth and I was in horrible pain. My sister Joyce was living with us and she went with the appt.

He started on the first tooth and I could feel everything. I was trying to tell him that he forgot to numb that tooth and the area. He told me that I was overreacting and proceeded. The tooth was attached to the bone in my jaw and the roots. I had swelled so extremely that it was interfering with my throat.  They did numb all of the other three teeth and they were removed without any issues. But, the trauma of that experience has stayed with me ever since.

I’ve been praying for a very long time about my teeth and the fear of going to the dentist. My health is very bad and my doctors told me almost 3 years ago that I need to get my teeth removed since I’m a risk of getting endocarditis. Endocarditis is an infection in the heart. I had it one other time, which was after I went to the dentist that pulled my wisdom teeth. I was in the hospital for almost 3 months.

As I was praying I was having dreams about someone helping me get the dentures and other costs associated. I know that some of the things in my dreams were accurate because of how things happened.  A friend of mine works at a dentist’s office that does dentures and other dental things.  I made an appt at Smiles Restored since a friend of mine works there. I know she is a Christian. She will be present when I have my surgery. After my consultation a few weeks ago, I let some friends who were wanting me to update them. I let them know what the dentist said. I know that God is in control of all things.

I knew I had dental insurance. My insurance will cover only $2000.00  and then there was still around $3000.00 in addition to that. Then I’m getting the snapin dentures for the bottom dentures since they will be harder to keep the dentures in place.  I  knew it would take some time for me to find the money to pay for the extra. I was planning on selling my van since I wouldn’t be able to pay more that much. When I shared what the dentist said to some friends that are in my church, one of the guys and his mom called Smiles Restored and paid the entire balance that my insurance didn’t pay. Since I’m getting snap in dentures, I’m paying the extra $1500 for the bottom snap-ins. My friend from church would have paid for them, but I didn’t want him to feel obligated to pay the extra.

paid-in-full1Since the bill was paid in full 30 minutes after my appt, I can get the top and bottoms. Since I have so much anxiety about the dentist I have to be knocked out. My anxiety in the past due to that one experience, I’ve had panic attacks even when if I need to call a dentist. When I had the cap and crown, it took Dr. Earl around 4 hours to do it since I would start trembling and shaking. My palms sweat profusely. Because of this, an anesthesiologist will be present. My friend also made to pay for this since they would have to use gas and then prescribe Valium. But, the medications I’m on wouldn’t be compatible with Valium.

Since I’ve been praying for my teeth for so long. God made sure to provide a way for my teeth to get done. Since God has answered my prayers, I have to get them done. What good would praying for God to help me find a way and the means to get my teeth done. It does no good to pray for something and not do it.

On Wednesday, May 13th I will have oral surgery. All of the roots and any teeth that are there will be removed.  I would love it if you all could pray for me. I know that God put everything and everyone in place. I’m still very anxious and it’s getting worse as we get closer. I’ve been watching a few videos on Youtube about the who process and their experiences. One of the channels, I’ve subscribed to.

 

 

 

Trust in Christ During Difficult Times

 

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There has been a great deal of suffering in our world. One of the top concerns right now is the Coronavirus ( Covid-19).  There have been disruptions to families, employment and our normal day to day activities.

It’s been easy to get caught up in all of the fears when it comes to employment, health and other things. There are some things I worry about, but those things are because of people hoarding normal day to day things like toilet paper, water, and other things.

We are in a season of uncertainty. This week alone, I’ve had to get food and household items. Every time I go to the store, I’m only able to get a part of what I need since people are hoarding things.  When I go to Smiths Grocery Store, shelves are empty and people are grabbing food from others in the line.

phil467There are many Bible verses that talk about that God promises us that He is with us and is taking care of us. Philippians 4:6-7 is one of those go-to verses that help me get through a difficult time.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

church-picture-8337-1I’ve been reading a number of devotionals and just watching online videos on youtube from other churches. I enjoy listening to the services on youtube since I have a difficult time getting to church because of my health.  These are some channels I watch on Youtube/ Or I stream church on our ROKU device.

  • Oro Valley Church of the Nazarene in Tucson, AZ is one of my favorite churches I stream. This is the sermon from Sunday (March 15, 2020). I use to actually go to this church when I was a teenager. This message is about what’s going on in the world and Pastor Craig’s message gives hope and speaks to my heart.
  • First Baptist Church of Sutherland Springs, Texas – This church experienced a great deal of sadness and fear when a gunman came into their church and murdered most of the congregation. My personal views are that God was there for them and offered them peace and hope. The church had on a good Sunday less than 50 people. The entire community wrapped their arms around the church and now the church has hundreds of people now. God was there for them in their darkest times. I really enjoy the sermons.
  • South Mountain Community Church (SMCC) which is in St. George, Utah. I enjoy their services and music. My daughter takes her two kids there since our church has no kids. But, I really like this church and you can watch it online.
  • Red Mesa Fellowship is a church that’s here locally. I’ve been watching their services for some time. They also have a podcast type of thing mid-week which I really like. Our church is looking for a new pastor and the pastor from this church came to do a sermon. I was pretty happy that he was at church. even though I can’t be around a lot of people because of the immune system. So, I watch this church also on my ROKU streaming device.

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I love Christian music. Casting Crowns, Toby Mac and a lot of other contemporary music songs. Here are a few of the go-to songs that I listen to when I need some hope and to lift my fears.

I do like traditional hymns unless they sound like a death march. But, these are some of my favorite hymns. I know a lot of people that love hymns. But, when people slow the song so slow, they make me feel like I’m at a funeral. Hopefully, that doesn’t offend anyone. Anyhow, I do like these.

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This may be a great time to focus on family time since most schools are out and businesses have closed temporarily closed. This will also give you the time to visit family and those you care about that you have lost contact with.  With how busy our lives get, this may be the best time to focus on what’s important. Even if your not a person of faith, this is an opportunity to slow down. Just make sure to stay away from others if you’re sick or if they are in the at-risk age. Here are some ideas.

  • I’m not a person who likes puzzles, but many people are. But, you can complete a puzzle: The more pieces the better! Kids love doing puzzles. Well, my kids did when they were little.
  • Start a journal or blog. If you have school ages, kids, they may get a kick out of doing a blog/journal by putting their thoughts about the coronavirus. You can make it educational without them realizing it, lol.
  • Watch Netflix or other movies. Since you have a lot of time on your hands, try something different. I’ve been binge-watching a few shows. I didn’t think I would like them, but I did. These are some of the shows I binged watch and loved them.

 

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Republic of Doyle – This is about a family of private investigators in New Foundland. I really liked this. There are 6 seasons. This is also a comedy since trouble always follows.

 

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Father Brown – This is a show I found by accident. It’s about a catholic priest who seems to always find trouble. It’s funny and very entertaining. It takes place in Ireland I think.

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Call The Mid Wives is an awesome series. This is in East London. Such a good series and it’s actually based on true events and there is a book that the series is based on t. The main character Jenny is true.

I understand that there is a lot of fear and anxiety that have been coming to our hearts and minds. I’m reminded of how many times God has taken care of me in the past and the present. I know that He has been there for me and I have no doubt that he will be there tomorrow and the next day. I’ve gone through some of my old journals and posts on my blogs. I’m reminded that God has gotten me through the worst times in my life.

This is a great opportunity for us to change our habits and think about the things that are taking our time away from those we love. if you’re able to, pause for a while during this time and do the things that bring you joy and happiness. Let your kids if you have hem help you plan the day or let them choose activities that they’ve been wanting to try.

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  1. John 14:27 – “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” – John 14:27

I would like to end this blog with a prayer for peace. 

Heavenly Father, I know that you know me and all of us more than we know ourselves. The world is in a season of chaos and worry. Help us all look at the circumstances that we are going through from your perspective. I trust and rely on our strength since I can’t lean on my own. My prayer is that the world will rely on Your strength and peace during this time. I ask you to give me the words and encouragement to be there for others. Give me the strength and courage to offer peace. Please be with all of those who are struggling and worrying about paying their bills staying healthy. My prayer is that panic and fear doesn’t take over. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

 

Common Sense is Out the Window- COVD-19

Updated 2/19. 20- I was just listening to a message that Peter Frey just posted. I always listen to his podcast. Tonight’s message is important.I was having a conversation with friends about this topic and then I get the notification that he posted this. 

TRUSTING GOD AMIDST UNCERTAINTY | Matthew 6:25-34 | Living with Hope Podcast … Click here to listen to his podcast.

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I did this blog post while I was very tired. I want to apologize before you read it since I may be a bit scatterbrained since I’m very tired. 

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A friend of mine by the name of Eric Dodge posted this on his Facebook wall. I hope it’s OK with Eric that I posted his staus from his page.

This makes me sad. I’ve shopped with my grandma many times and I know how specific she is on her needs. I will make sure she has what she needs and isn’t running low. If anyone knows anyone in this group that gets in (real) trouble let me know or someone close to them know. Check on your elderly loved ones and make sure they have what they need. Medicines, soaps, food, etc.waer

All of this stocking up on things that you don’t really need only because they want to gouge people like these brothers in Tennesse who bout something like 18,000 bottles of sanitizer. Now they are being investigated and facing charges. The brothers told The New York Times that he tried to sell some for $70 a bottle. That same article reported Colvin sold 300 bottles at a markup on Amazon before the listings were removed.

3dd7166d8f6a49c9f554265f3465213aI just read that the brothers donated all of the sanitizers. I’m sure they had a ton of pressure to do that.

The Man With 17,700 Bottles of Hand Sanitizer Just Donated Them Read More…

Here’s an article that discusses what the brothers are doing. I also put links that will direct you to websites that are price gauging.

  • Hand Sanitizer is normally under $2.00  but these brothers are or were charging $70.00 for 1 bottle.
  • Arrowhead Bottled Water- I normally pay $4.99 for a case of this. When it’s on sale, I get these for $3.99 at Smiths. On this website, the price is $59.19 and this is one of the cheaper prices.
  • Arrowhead 1 gallon of distilled water for my ASV breathing machine. They’re charging $92.89 for 1 gallon of distilled bottled water. Normally I pay less than $2.00 each.

I was reading about how people are in a state of panic because of the spread of the coronavirus. When I went to Smiths last week, they have signs all over the store that is letting people know that they can’t buy more than 3 items of the household like toilet paper, sanitizers and so on. So many websites are telling people to stock stockpiling toilet paper,  baby wipes and so many other items. A family that I know has 3 kids. Two of the children are school-aged and the youngest is in diapers. The little one is 2 years old. They live in Salt Lake City. area They had only 13 diapers left for their daughter. They went store to store trying to find diapers and wipes. Every store they went to had no diapers and wipes left. They needed toilet paper and they are having to resort to using napkins to wipe with. But, since they can’t find diapers anywhere, they are forced to try to potty change their daughter.

(LA Times Article) “Antiseptic wipes and Clorox disinfecting wipes are flying out of here,” he said. “We can’t keep those in stock.”

All of the people that know me personally know my medical issues. I don’t like getting into my medical history unless it’s where I’m trying to raise awareness for Guillian Barre Syndrome or Myasthenia Gravis. But, I do want to share how the Coronavirus is affecting me personally. I do worry about this virus. The reason why is because of my medical history. Also, I get nervous when I’m around others because of my immune system. A simple cold, flu or whatever could land me in the hospital big time. I can’t take immunizations because of the way they created. My immune system can’t handle it since they use live virus’s in some.

What can you do to protect yourself?

(World Health Organization) Experts agree that for viral infections including the common cold, flu and coronavirus, the most effective way to protect yourself is regular hand-washing with warm water and soap, plus avoiding touching your nose and mouth.

To wash your hands properly, the World Health Organization suggests scrubbing your palms with a large dollop of soap before interlacing and clasping the fingers, then scrubbing around the thumbs and the backs of your hands. The whole process should take 40 to 60 seconds.

Because of everyone stockpiling items like bottled water, toilet paper,  hand sanitizer, it’s causing major issues for those who are older and those who have a compromised immune system aren’t able to get the items because of people buying and stockpiling items that are needed.

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  • When I was diagnosed with Guillian Barre Syndrome, I was completely paralyzed. I got GBS because of a flu shot. My nerve endings didn’t repair themselves. Most people who get GBS will regain their strength. My lungs and heart have long term effects. A simple cold or the flu will land me in the hospital. My initial diagnosis was GBS, but they later diagnosed me with CIPD. Here’s a video of a young man by the name of Andrew.I don’t have a video of when I was first diagnosed. But this video will give you an idea of the effects of Guillian Barre Syndrome.
  •  I have the CIPD variant of Guillian Barre Syndrome. Here’s what CIPD is… Chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy (CIDP) is a neurological disorder — a condition that targets your body’s nerves.
  • A number of years ago, I was also diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. Myasthenia Gravis is a form of Muscular Dystrophy. Myasthenia Gravis has caused a whole new set of issues like double vision, breathing problems, swallowing problems and so on.
  • When I went to my neurologist in Las Vegas about 8 or 9 years ago, they found out when they did an MRI that I have 3 markers for MS. They said something about the white matter is doing something and they have noticed that the nerves in my brain are demyelinating. They prescribed medication that may help me since I have issues with my memory. I have a very hard time remembering current things. They put me on a medication called Aricept. They normally give that medicine for Alzheimer’s.

When I went to my neurologist they told me that it’s common for people who have autoimmune diseases to have more than one. She said it happens because my body is fighting itself. Between all of my Dr’s, they have helped with stabilizing things that are going on with me.

I now have a pacemaker since my heart does weird things. I have malignant hypertension. My blood pressure on a regular basis is around 260/125. My cardiologist said that I need to tell my family that they are doing everything they can do. They told me to tell my family that one day I won’t wake up. Which I did tell them that. One of my Dr’s said that they are waiting for a stroke to happen.

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The muscles around my heart and lungs are that my brain tells my lings that it doesn’t need to breathe.  I have central sleep apnea. Central sleep apnea occurs because your brain doesn’t send proper signals to the muscles that control your breathing. This condition is different from obstructive sleep apnea, in which you can’t breathe normally because of upper airway obstruction. Central sleep apnea is less common than obstructive sleep apnea.

I should get to the point of this blog. I have a tendency to mention things over and over again. If I do that or if I ramble through words I’m sorry. Since I have a lot of problems breathing, the shortness of supplies like bottled water and distilled water makes it difficult since I need the water in my ASV machine. It looks and kind of operates like a CPAP machine. If I shouldn’t use tap water in the ASV machine, then I would need distilled water.

One of the symptoms of me having Complex Sleep Apnea is the way I breathe when I go to sleep.  I have what’s called Cheyne-Stokes breathing. https://www.sleep-apnea-guide.com/cheyne-stokes.html

But, because of the way people are buying items like distilled water and other items, it makes it difficult for those who have life-threatening diagnoses or high-risk patients. The hospital pharmacy delivers hand sanitizer thankfully. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have any. I’ve looked on Amazon for things like toilet paper and bottled water. Because of people buying all of these things that people who have an autoimmune disease, it becomes extremely dangerous since those like myself and others who have diseases that are always teetering the fine line of deciding things that are either dangerous/life-threatening or? Common sense has gone out the window and greed has and is becoming the norm.

Angelhaven Friendships- Jessica Delo

“Angels around us, angels beside us, angels within us, angels within us. Angels are watching over you when times are good or stressed. Their wings wrap gently around you, whispering you are loved.”

I’m sure there are many who don’t know anything about Angelhaven. When I first turned on a computer, my husband told me I should check out this website since I’ve had a number of experiences with angels. In the first blog in this series, you can see how difficult it was for me to operate a computer. Obviously, I figured it out and I found Angelhaven and I started clicking on things. I found a link that had chatrooms. Anyhow, I found Gabrials Chatroom and when I found that, it was like opening the door to friends.

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Jessica Delo
  • Hebrews 13:2 (NIV) Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.

Jessica Delo was one of the first young ladies that I met in Angelhaven. There was something special about her. She had this inner glow and old soul type of thing. I think a lot of the people in Angelhaven felt the same way. Everyone adored her. I was trying to figure out the whole chatroom and how I could message people. Eventually, the world of chatrooms came into my life.

A day or so there was just a few of us in the room. Jessica Delo was one of those people. Eventually, it was just she and I.  We were talking about angels and she asked me if I had any experiences where I’ve seen angels. I told her there have been times that I have felt the presence of God’s messengers. I asked her if she has had any experiences and I asked her about what brought her to Angelhaven. Little did I know that there were some serious reasons why she became interested.

  • Psalm 91:11-12– “For He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.” 

I told her that I’ve been in the hospital a lot and almost died a few times. When I was in serious condition and ready to cross over, I experienced this incredible warmth and love. I knew that if I died, I would be in Heaven. I then told her that I use to fear death, but I don’t any longer because of the gift of peace that God gave me. This was the first conversation that I had with her. When she shared that she is very sick and that she would eventually die.  Then she told me that she was I think 17 years old. My heart just stopped there.

I actually had a hard time talking to her because at that point all I could think about is how my daughter Jessica who is just 3 years older could end up sick like Jessica Delo. But, I did continue talking to her and I’m beyond blessed. Jessica had the wisdom of someone much older. In actuality, I think I was trying to protect myself from getting hurt if she died. I was being selfish because I was thinking about my feelings instead of hers.  I’m glad I got a reality check since I was thinking about me, me, and me. I explained to Jessica that I put this wall or barrier to protect me. I never should have been that way. Jessica is one of the sweetest and genuine people ever.

lasvegasairportI did get to meet Jessica in person. Her mom let her fly to Utah from Wisconsin. I picked her up at the Las Vegas airport and the moment I met her, there was something special. It’s hard to explain how it was like I could see a glow from her. When I met her at the gate, she was having a hard time walking straight. Physically she was having a hard time. I was so humbled by Jessica. Jessica never complained about anything.

When we got to Utah, we unpacked her stuff. I told her I would help her, and she politely told me that she can and that I should rest also since I had to drive to the airport. She did want to unpack one of her suitcases. Her mom sent Wisconsin cheese, venison jerky, and other things.  Then Jessica wanted to make us grilled cheese sandwiches Wisconsin style. Oh my goodness, she used a lot of cheese. My husband loved it.

I’ve spoked to her a number of times about how I go to Snow Canyon Park. I go there a lot because I get this warmth and it’s like God or His angels are there wrapping their arms around me. She asked me if I could take her there and I told her yes. She and I went there when it was dark. That way you could see all of the stars and since it was a full moon, the light from the moon bounces off the mountain.

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This is the area of Snow Canyon Park where Jessica and I sat and talked about so many things like our faith and how we have similar experiences.

We went to Snow Canyon and she told me we should park in a certain part. She has never been to Utah and for sure not Snow Canyon since it’s part of the canyonlands. When she asked me to park in the spot, that was the same area where I would park when I needed to get closer to God. I would sit there for hours praying and just taking in the love that can’t be seen. She told me that she wanted to get out of the car because she felt a kind of peace she hasn’t felt.

When I told her that this was the spot and I go there and park for the same reason. Anyone who I’ve met in Haven has felt the same way. Well, there was one friend that I took there and I had this overwhelming feeling that I need to get out of there. I’ve never felt that kind of fear and heaviness there. Thankfully it didn’t happen with Jessica lol.

Jessica and I would have some deep conversations about faith and what her wishes would be. I will forever cherish those memories. She stayed for a week and I hated to see her go home. The next year I would go to Wisconsin to watch her graduate.

When I went to Wisconsin to watch her graduation. There were many tears.  When it came time for her to get her diploma, someone helped her walk over to get her diploma if I remember right. Jessica was on chemo and the side effects were horrible for her.  That had to have been the hardest graduation that I’ve ever been to. But, I wouldn’t change anything.

She had a graduation party at their house and there were so many people. Everyone there loved her so much. I didn’t have much money to give her a gift. But, I brought a special song with me since we were listening to it together at Snow Canyon Park.  That song is “When I See You Smile”. We watched the show,” Touched by an Angel- 51st Psalms”. We both found peace in that episode even though it was sad and things that both of us will have to one day face. That was a special time for both of us.

She was having another horrible headache. She was laying on my lap while we were watching the show. I was rubbing her head and trying to help relieve the pain. Jessica knew why I gave her the song from the movie and we cried together while I was there for her graduation. When I listen to that song and watch that episode, it brings sadness and hopes at the same time.

I stayed in Wisconsin for 5 days and it was bittersweet when I left. I hugged Jessica before her mom took me to the airport. When I say that was a sad ride to the airport, that’s an understatement. She was 18 at this time and I knew in my heart that I won’t see her again. I was an emotional wreck for sure.

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I’ve never seen such a beautiful statue. Jessica would have loved seeing this. I have no doubt that she has seen it from above. 

I received word a couple years later on Sept. 24th, 2003 that  Jessica died. She was only 20 years old. I hope I can accomplish just an ounce of the things she has done in her short time. She had so much love left in her. She touched people’s lives all over the world. When I met her in Gabs room on the Angelhaven page, I didn’t realize that my life was enriched more than I could ever imagine.

I can’t imagine what her mom and dad were going through. When I stayed at their house with Jessica it made me realize that we need to live each day to the fullest and not let our lives be dictated by our diagnosis or limitations. Jessica was in a lot of pain and yet she endured and she didn’t let things get in her way. I never heard her complain. I’m sure she made a difference in hundreds of people’s lives.  Here’s Jessica’s Obituary

  • Hebrews 1:14  “Are not all angels ministering spirits sent to serve those who will inherit salvation?”-

Angels are sent by God to protect us and help us inherit His full kingdom. The Bible tells us that angels are His servants, carrying out His will and work for our good.

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Contact Angelhaven;  

If it wasn’t for Norm Braverman who owns Angelhaven, I would never have met Jessica and so many others. I’m sure Norm didn’t anticipate just how much he has enriched so many people’s lives. If you’re looking for a special gift for someone or yourself, check out Angelhaven. 51st Psalms Link to full show-

 

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Norm – Owner of Angelhaven

If it wasn’t for Norm Braverman who owns Angelhaven, I would never have met Jessica and so many others. I’m sure Norm didn’t anticipate just how much he has enriched so many people’s lives. If you’re looking for a special gift for someone or yourself, check out Angelhaven. 51st Psalms Link to full show-

Contact Information

27 Coogan Blvd Suite 2A Mystic, CT 06355

860.245.0200

Facebook Page

Memories of Angelhaven- Making Friends

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If you’re looking for one of a kind jewelry and all things angels, you will love Angelhaven.  Check out Angelhaven

Lately, I’ve been thinking about a young lady who I met in a chatroom on Angelhaven.  I’m going to write about some of the friends that I’ve made in Angelhaven.  This is my experience with trying to learn how to find Angelhaven on the computer.

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This is the kind of computer we had in our house.

I believe my first experience with any computer type of machine was around 1997 or 98. I always felt like computers will be a passing fad. I had no desire or need to get on any computers. I would get into arguments with my husband and daughters since I thought they weren’t worth getting one.  I felt like it was a waste of time and boy was I wrong on that one.

My husband is a truck driver and while he was in his truck he was reading a magazine. One one of the pages there was an advertisement. The advertisement was about a website called Angelhaven. Since I believe in angels and I’ve had times when I’ve experienced the healing touch and presence of angels around me.

We did eventually get a computer in the house and it had Windows 98 on it. The issue with the computer is that I had no clue how to even turn it on. I didn’t know what a keyboard or a mouse was. Well, I knew what a mouse was, but the only mouse I knew was the kind that needs to be killed.

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My daughter Jessica was in high school and she was taking a computer class. I asked her when she got home if she could help me find the website and if she would help me get started.  After she got home, we sat down together and she showed me how to turn the computer on. This was the beginning of a new world that was opening in front of my eyes.

aol_am1298m52The computer shown here is similar to what we had. So, I turned the computer on and she told me we needed to get online. Egads, that was a word I’ve never heard. I was getting stressed and we were just starting. I asked her how we get online and she told me we have to sign up for the internet through a company. We didn’t have WIFI back then.  We had dial-up and I think it was 56 Mbps. That means it took at times 5 minutes to go through. For some websites, it would take a while for the pages to transfer. We didn’t have the money to get the internet, but we got a disk in the mail and it was through AOL We were excited because we had 100 free hours. We thought we scored big time (WRONG). When I mentioned how getting a computer wastes time. Well, I was right. you don’t pay attention to the clock.

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Now, after a 5-10 minute wait to get connected, we were ready to look for Angelhaven. We’ve already wasted about 30 minutes trying to get online. Here’s a 30-second youtube video that will give you an example of the sound that goes along with getting hooked up to the internet. We dealt with this sound for around 10 minutes. Click here to listen to the dial-up tone.

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Whoo Hoo, now I’m ready to find the website that my husband told me I should check out. I should let you know that I have never learned how to type. it took me a minute to type out the name of the website once I figured out where I’m supposed to put the address. My daughter had to do her homework, so she told me to just type out the name of the website in the box on the top and the page and hit enter. Again, I’ve never been on a computer and I’ve never typed anything. It took me about 20 minutes to type the name of the URL.

The reason it took so long was that Jessica was in her room doing her homework and she is telling me what to do from another room. I was getting pretty upset by this time because I didn’t understand the language for computers. At this point, I would have been OK throwing the computer out of the window. Jessica had to come and help me since I didn’t know what a URL was. When she said it’s the address, that confused me even more. When I think of an address to a place, I think it’s like the address of a person’s house. But, now, I’m wasting a lot more time and I still haven’t figured out how to find the website. I sure hope the website is worth the aggravation.

She finished what she was doing and came into my room and in seconds she had the page I wanted. Now the problem with that was that she did it herself and that didn’t show me what I needed to do. Anyhow, I eventually made it to the website.

She went back to her room to do her homework. I had to call her back into my room because I didn’t know how to use the mouse which means I didn’t know how to move it or click on it when I found the page I wanted. So, I had to sit and wait for her to show me how to click on the mouse and move it to roll over the link to the page I wanted. Ugh, to say that I was frustrated was a major understatement. It was probably close to midnight by the time I got to the place where I could click on a page. I had to pick Jessica and Beckiah up from school around 3:30 in the afternoon.

exit-signSince it was so late, I had to give up for the night. Jessica told me that all I have to do is exit out of the page and then turn off the computer.  She did come into the room and showed me how to move the mouse. so, now I’m looking for a place where it says “exit”. let me tell you right now, I did NOT find the “EXIT” button.

I want to share this little tidbit. When you’re trying to show someone how to even turn on and shut down a computer, it’s best to not leave them to their own resources.  Anyhow, I was very upset over this who computer thing since I had no clue what I was doing. All I accomplished was Jessica helping me get online and starting up the computer. I spent hours and hours on this whole ordeal and I couldn’t figure out how to exit out of Angelhavens webpage. I didn’t even know how to surf the page or find anything on the website.

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Once I figured out with the help of my daughter, I just had to shut off the computer. She asked me if I needed any more help. I told her I could figure it out and for her to go to bed since she had school the next day. I should have had her come into my bedroom where the computer was.  I tried to look fr a place where it said to turn off the computer. Most of you probably know already that I was having issues.  I couldn’t find the button to shut it off. Jessica turned the computer on so I didn’t see where she did that.  So, I’m looking at the window of the computer and there are no words that says shut down or power or anything. This is what I see since I shut the window to Angelhaven down.

 

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Put a blanket over the computer and went to bed.

Since it was now around 1AM, I needed to figure out something since Jessica and Beckiah was in bed. Beckiah was alway in bed around 8pm and Jessica is a night owl like I am. I was beyond ticked over this whole computer ordeal and I almost chucked it out of the balcony in my bedroom. I’m going through all of this frustration because I really really wanted to go to Angelhavens website.  I did figure out how to shut the computer down though and I knew it wasn’t what I should have done. This was my remedy for turning off the computer without destroying it.

I want to close this out by saying that I did eventually figure out how to turn my computer off and I was able to find Angelhaven. Even though I was frustrated and wanted to throw my computer out the window, things worked out and I made some awesome friends.

Preparing for Christmas and Advent

I’ve been listening to a podcast that Pastor Peter Frey has been doing. I normally don’t listen to podcasts, but his podcast is being published in the early mornings and I’m always doing my IV meds at the time he is publishing them. As most who come to my blog, you know that I have the chronic form of Guillian Barre Syndrome and I have Myasthenia Gravis. With peter Freys podcast, I’ve found peace since I’m usually the only one in my house awake.

I started listening to another channel that Pastor Peter Frey and his wife Mary Frey has. His wife Mary has Cystic Fibrosis. I started watching them about a year ago. Youtube suggested its channel when I was watching Claire Winelands channel. I don’t know why I have suggested their channels, but I’m guessing it was because I was looking for a trailer for Fault in our Stars. The story is about 2 people who have cystic fibrosis. I knew a movie was coming out that’s based on the book named, “Five Feet Apart”. The movie wasn’t out, but Claire’s channel popped up and so did “The Frey Life”. “Five Feet Apart” is available now and it has been one of my favorite movies. I’ve watched it a number of times. I ended up buying it on ROKU. If you haven’t watched it yet, you should. It’s such a good movie.

The Frey Life youTube Channel   and Claire Winelands YouTube Channel

podcastHis messages are pretty short which is great for me since I have a short attention span. They are normally under 10 minutes. His podcast has been based on Advent. Advent began on December 1st, 2019. Since listening to Peter Frey’s podcast, they reminded me of how much I miss having an Advent service at my church. We haven’t had it for the last few years. I’m not sure why it isn’t at church any longer. But, I’m grateful that Peter Frey is doing it. The name of the series which includes messages about Advent is “Living in Hope”.

What is Advent? 

Advent is a period of spiritual preparation in which many Christians make themselves ready for the coming, or birth of the Lord, Jesus Christ. Celebrating Advent typically involves a season of prayer, fasting, and repentance, followed by anticipation, hope, and joy. Advent is for the period of four Sundays/weeks before Christmas.

I’m sure most people have seen the Advent Calendars that are in stores now. When I worked in a grocery store, most of our customers didn’t actually understand what Advent is. Since I couldn’t talk about faith-based things. Most parents thought that it was just a fun way to count down the days until Christmas. We’ve had parents returning the calenders when they figured out the calenders actually meant.

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1st CANDLE – (purple or blue) THE PROPHECY CANDLE 

And again, Isaiah says, ‘The Root of Jesse will spring up, one who will arise to rule over the nations; the Gentiles will hope in him.’  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15:12-13

2nd CANDLE – (purple candle) represents faith. It is called the “Bethlehem Candle” as a reminder of Mary and Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem. God kept his promise of a Savior who would be born in Bethlehem

As is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet:  ‘A voice of one calling in the desert, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.  Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low.  The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.  And all mankind will see God’s salvation.‘ ~ Luke 3:4-6

3rd CANDLE – (pink) THE SHEPHERD CANDLE or THE CANDLE OF JOY

On the third Sunday of Advent the pink, or rose-colored candle is lit. This pink candle is customarily called the “Shepherds Candle,” and it represents joy:

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. (Luke 2:8–11, NIV)

4th CANDLE – (purple ) THE ANGEL CANDLE or THE CANDLE OF LOVE

The fourth and last purple candle, often called the “Angels Candle,” represents peace and is lit on the fourth Sunday of Advent.

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” (Luke 2:13–14, NIV)

5th CANDLE – (white) CHRIST CANDLE

The white candle reminds us that Jesus is the spotless lamb of God, sent to wash away our sins.  His birth was for his death, his death was for our birth!

The white candle is lit on Christmas Eve. This candle represents the life of Christ that has come into the world. The color white represents purity. Christ is the sinless, spotless, pure Savior. Those who receive Christ as Savior are washed of their sins and made whiter than snow:

“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.” (Isaiah 1:18, NIV)

An Advent Prayer for The Lord to Come

I’ve been looking for pictures for this blog post and I came across this Advent Prayer and it was perfect. This prayer is an awesome way to divert our attention when it comes to the true meaning of Christmas. It isn’t about the gifts under the tree. The poem that Renee Swoop wrote is a reminder that we need to open our hearts and focus on the birth of Christ.

The Christmas Prayer below was written by~Renee Swope, “The Manger of My Heart” from Proverbs 31 Ministries

This Advent, Lord, come to the manger of my heart.
Fill me with Your presence from the very start.
As I prepare for the holidays and gifts to be given,
Remind me of the gift You gave when You sent Your Son from Heaven.
The first Christmas gift, it was the greatest gift ever.
You came as a baby born in a manger.
Wrapped like the gifts I find under my tree,
Waiting to be opened, to reveal Your love to me.
Restore to me the wonder that came with Jesus’ birth,
When He left the riches of Heaven and wrapped Himself in rags of earth.
Immanuel, God with us, Your presence came that night.
And angels announced, “Into your darkness, God brings His Light.”
“Do not be afraid,” they said, to shepherds in the field.
Speak to my heart today, Lord, and help me to yield.
Make me like those shepherd boys, obedient to Your call.
Setting distractions and worries aside, to You I surrender them all.
Surround me with Your presence, Lord, I long to hear Your voice.
Clear my mind of countless concerns and all the holiday noise.
Slow me down this Christmas, let me not be in a rush.
In the midst of parties and planning, I want to feel Your hush.
This Christmas, Jesus, come to the manger of my heart.
Invade my soul like Bethlehem, bringing peace to every part.
Dwell within and around me, as I unwrap Your presence each day.
Keep me close to You, Lord. It’s in Your wonderful Name I pray.

Jaspers Memorial Heart

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This is the second night that I got Jasper. This was his first doggie bed. He must not have ever had his own bed since he was laying outside of the bed and not in it. 

On October 21st at 3;30 P.M. my jasper went over the Rainbow Bridge. (Click Here to Read about him before he went to the Rainbow Bridge) Jaspers Memorial Heart that has some of his ashes in it came back yesterday (December 1st). I received an email last Weds and they said that Jasper was coming home and it will arrive either Friday or Saturday and to expect him then. I know that it isn’t his physical self, but it is a part of him since his ashes were in the heart.

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I’ve been having such a hard time since Jasper died. He has had a special place in my heart since the moment I got him. Jasper chose me and has always been my dog. Jasper could say “My Momma” even though my husband would say he is just being vocal. He can say whatever he wants to say, I know he said “My Momma.” It was always when I was gone and just came into the house. he would chase our other dogs away and he wouldn’t let them come close to me. Jasper was pretty loud when he did this.

 

When Jaspers Memorial Heart arrived yesterday, my hands were shaking and I had to wait for a few minutes to wait to open it. I did stab my finger since I was in tears and shaking. Thankfully I didn’t hurt myself too bad.

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This is an image from Rainbow Bridges Website- If you’re lost a 4 legged family member, you should contact them so you have them create something special from his/her ashes.

Richard or Erin from Rainbow Bridge Hearts was awesome to work with. They replied really fast anytime I had a question or concern. My friend Eric Dodge went through Rainbow Bridge and I’m so happy that he shared the information. I would have scattered Jaspers ashes if he didn’t share the orb he got for his dog Anna and his cat Bart. They died a few weeks apart and Rainbow Bridge created a memorial orb for Eric. I never heard of anything like this being done out of ashes.

When I finally got past the shaky hands since I knew what was in the box, the tears started flowing. Rainbow Bridge did such a wonderful job on it. Jasper’s heart was beautiful and I loved it. I ended up getting the lighted stand and it was perfect. it’s hard to find the right words when it comes to describing how perfect Jaspers Memorial Heart was. I know I could never get him back since he has gone over the bridge, but I have a part of Jasper that I can hold in my hands.

Click on the images below so you can see the full-sized images. Thank you Rainbow Bridge and thank you to the person who gifted this to me. On the back of the heart, you will notice that I had them put “Momma’s Boy”.

There won’t be a time when I won’t miss him. When I’ve had other dogs who went over the Rainbow Bridge I always think of them. Our dogs are more than dogs, they are family. I’m so grateful and blessed to know that there is someone like Rich and Erin who owns Rainbow Bridge Ashes to Glass.

I’m beyond grateful to whoever gifted Jaspers Memorial Heart to me. Rainbow Bridge only told me that it was someone who read my blog.  If you are the one who gifted jasper’s heart, I want to thank you a thousand times over again.

if you’re looking for a way to create something special in memory of your four-legged family member, this may be a good option.

Rainbow Bridge Contact Information from their website:

“Together Forever” Your Pets Ashes Memorialized in Glass Art

Crossing the Rainbow Bridge has never been more Beautiful.

Rich & Erin

Rainbow Bridge Hearts

PO BOX 1408

Langley, WA  98260

  • On Facebook as Rainbow Bridge Hearts
  • On Twitter  @Therealrainbow6
  • On Instagram as Rainbow Bridge Hearts

 

Missing Jasper

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This is the bag that Dixie Vet put Jaspers ashes in. 

I was working on the powerpoint for my church and I took a break so I could check my voicemail. I realized I haven’t checked it for a couple of days. The first voice mail was from Dixie Veteranariums Pet Hospital. I just miss Jasper so much. I’ve been watching the videos I’ve loaded on yahoo and sadness takes over my feelings. This video is about 2 1/2 minutes. I’ve played it so many times. I think mainly as a way of me needing to justify sending him over the Rainbow Bridge.

I was listening to the message that one of the guys in the office left for me. He said that I could come and pick up Jasper. Instead of me picking up Jasper following him being sick, this time was different because I have to pick up Jaspers ashes. He went over the Rainbow Bridge last week and it’s been very difficult.I’ve been watching the videos I uploaded onto youtube and I cry. I do my best to watch his videos after Chuck goes to bed since I cry without notice.

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Jasper hanging out where I can love on him anytime he wants it. 

When I sit in our spare bedroom which has turned into my office, I can’t help but think about Jasper. Jaspers’s bed was right next to my desk. If I wanted to pet him, all I had to do is reach down and pet him. If he wanted extra lovings, he would move to where my hand is and he would nudge his head against my hand. I didn’t keep Jasper is one of our crates because he got to the point where he couldn’t even lift his hind legs the opening where the door is. The grates have a 1-inch step up and he couldn’t do it.

I got snappy with my other two dogs Henry and Parker. Henry went to lay on Jaspers’s old bed and I got upset because that was Jaspers’s bed and nobody else. I didn’t mean to get upset, but I did. I also love Henry and Parker. I felt bad that I got upset with them. I was organizing things and I put Jaspers’s bed and bowl down on the floor for a few minutes.

After I calmed down, I gave Parker and Henry some extra loving, cried and told them I was sorry I got upset. I know they are dogs and probably didn’t know what I was saying. But, I needed them to know that they are loved and it wasn’t right for me to get upset with them.

Thank You For Your Kindness and Generosity

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Everyone has been very kind. One person donated the funds for me to have a small number of his ashes made into a memorial glass heart. As I’m crying uncontrollably, I don’t know how I can ever repay their kindness and generosity.

Then a friend that I worked with is going to create something for the rest of Jaspers ashes. My heart is overwhelmed because of the love and generosity that everyone is showing me.

In closing, I just want to share that I know that Jasper’s soul isn’t in the body since our bodies are just a vessel for our souls and spirits. I know that he isn’t hurting any longer. I miss you Jasper and I know you are in a much better place.

Jasper RIP- You’re Free

I’ve been working on this blog post for over 8 hours and I just can’t get past the tears.

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Jasper came into my life in August 2010. Jasper is my pug who rescued me more than me rescuing him. Less than 12 hours ago (10/21/19) I had to do what was best for him and let him go over the Rainbow Bridge.

I knew this day was coming about six months ago. Every day I could see that he’s getting worse. When I noticed in April or May of 2019 that he was having paralysis in his hind legs, my heart sunk. I knew when I have seen this happening that his time was short. Which means that my time with him is short.  Video of his hind legs. 

There are some people who don’t understand that our 4 legged family members are part of the family. Today has been a bad day and I’ve been in tears off and on. Anytime I see a dog on TV or anything on the computer brings me back to the moment I had to decide what was best for Jasper. It wasn’t for me, but I couldn’t put my needs and wishes ahead of his comfort and quality of life.

When I walked into Dr. Brinkerhoffs office with Jasper in my arms, the tears started flowing and I couldn’t even tell the receptionist that I didn’t want to take his body home with me and that I needed him to be cremated so I could turn his ashes into something beautiful. I was crying and trying to find my voice. There were other people with their dogs in the waiting area and they were in tears I’m sure because I was in tears. I’m in tears now as I type this. For me, this post gives me a chance to tell Jasper how much I love him and there will never be another 4 legged family member like him.

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Jasper getting a treat- Oct 2011

Jasper was my shadow. Anywhere I went, he would be there. Everyone knew that Jasper chose me when I got him. I thought he would like Jessica more since she is the first person that loved him. When we picked him up it was Jessica who was holding him all the way home. As soon as we got into the house, Jasper immediately came to me. I think it was because I reminded him of someone who he loved before I got him.

As I was standing next to Jasper as they gave him a shot to make him fall asleep and 3 minutes later the vet came in and gave him an IV med to stop his heart just breaks my heart. I could see his breathing getting weaker and eventually his breathing stopped. The vet told me I could take my time with him since he was gone. I know this sounds crazy, but, I couldn’t stand there with him after he was gone considering 5 minutes before he was alive.

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Since Jasper couldn’t walk to go out to potty a dear friend gifted this wagon to Jasper. 
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If you look at his leg and how there aren’t any muscles to walk or anything.

I know I did what was best for him, but, it breaks my heart big time. One of the assistants in the office wrapped Jasper in a blanket. All I could think about is to keep him in the blanket so he will be warm. The logical part of my brain knows that once he died, his soul is no longer in the shell of his body that gave out on him. I believe that Jasper is now in a better place where he can see people or things. He can run and play since he hasn’t been able to since is hind legs became paralyzed and atrophy affected his muscles. He could hear some things and he would search for me since I’m guessing he could only see shadows and find me by hearing. He’s free of the things going on in his body.

As I walked out of the room where I last saw Jasper, some dear friends from church were outside the door. Rose and John Balderama was there since the vet needed to check out their dog. It was a huge blessing for me with them being there. I know they have lost their dog last year and went through the same thing. I was somewhat composed when I left the room until Rose gave me a hug and the tears started flowing again.

I can’t help but think that God put them there when I needed someone the most. My friend Jennifer Harris drove Jasper and me and she was in the room at the same time when Jasper went over the bridge. When I think that I have no more tears, then they come again.