We Aren’t Rocks- We’re Human

A friend of mine that I met many years ago online wrote a status on her Facebook that said, “I hate feeling that I have to be everyone’s “rock”.” I adore this friend and she has a heart of gold. I pray that she is able to find her happy place.

strongI have felt like this from time to time until a friend told me nobody expected me to be the “rock”. At first I was upset until we talked about it a bit more and I could understand why my friend told me this, and he is right.

This is my reply to her message;

“You know what I think about this and I hope it doesn’t come off as being bad. I have always had the mindset that I had to be strong for everyone else. When in reality, that wasn’t the case. They never asked for me to be strong for them, I just took it upon myself as if that is how it should be. In reality, I was making it more difficult for those around me by me thinking it had to be me doing everything and being “supermom”, “super friend” and the all around person to carry the burdens. It took me many years to realize that it wasn’t my job to be the person to hold everyone up. My job was to pray for those who needed prayers.

My job was to listen and hold hands. My job was to take care of myself or I couldn’t be there for anyone else. We are human, we aren’t super humans. We aren’t rocks or we would be made a rock. God is who we should be going to when we need help. Jesus Christ is our Rock. He is our Strength. I would say, give yourself a chance to be you and take care of yourself. God has it all figured out and He is more than capable of being our ROCK and Fortress. I have learned a long time ago when a pastor told me that I was doing more harm by thinking I had to do it all when nobody expected me to do it all. “

When I think about my own need to come in and save the day, I can honestly say that there is no way I could possibly “save the day”. It wasn’t my responsible. It is as if we humans have this damaged damsel in distress kind of mentality. It was time to swoop in and rescue the person in distress and take off for safer lands.

  • Nahum 1:7 – The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.

A Bit of a Reality Check:

I didn’t really understand why a person who claimed to be my friend would tell me that I couldn’t and shouldn’t be the person to come to her aid. She didn’t need me to save her. All she needed was for me to be her friend and to listen. That was until I had a friend that thought she needed to be my savior.

A good friend of mine who I have known for many years was awesome when it came to her being there for me. It has been many years since I last talked to her because of this experience. But, she knew that I was going through a hard time physically. She came close to being the princess on the white horse where she would ride in to save the day. I didn’t mind her being there and it was totally awesome that she would listen to me. It is hard to find good listeners these days. She was awesome. But, I allowed it to go to far.

I would confide in her on all things. Everyone needs that one friend that you can tell everything to and they don’t judge you and they tell you what you need to hear. I didn’t see how much she became more important in my life than those in my family. If I had a problem, I would go to her. If I wasn’t feeling good or frustrated, I would go to her. She was the first person I would call when it came to any decisions I would make. I didn’t realize how much of a toxic situation it had become. So much so, that it was as if I was allowing her to make important choices for my life. She wanted to be my savior and I was allowing it to happen.

Then one day, something happened, or should I say clicked. I was talking to some family members and I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. She had this whole plan on how she had to help me in all areas of my life. She had this idea that I had to do things the way she did since she obviously went to college and so she said a higher education and more life experience.

She would take care of my business matters behind my back and not say anything to me. I had no clue that she was calling people in my life and making decisions about what she thought I should be doing. Even when she moved away, she was still doing that. She wanted full access to a lot of things in my life. She would send me emails about all kinds of weird things. Not only did she try to dictate what I needed to do in my private life, she also contacted people at my church. If I didn’t do things the way she instructed, then all of a sudden she would turn into someone else. It was her way or no way. There is no way I could live up to her standards and I could not live in her world.

There was a great deal of lies and manipulations that went on in that toxic friendship. I never realized half of what she said to others. I was floored by a lot of it. I had a great deal of respect for her. After that friendship, I have to say that I have never trusted anyone in the same way. She was great when it came to quoting the Bible. She was also really good at telling me that I was having all of these medical problems in my life because I wasn’t trusting her enough and I wasn’t trusting God. I needed to trust more. I think she was wanting me to trust her more. her lies began to unravel and life seemed to settle down.

I would like to warn anyone out there that if you have a friendship or a relationship with someone and you notice that the person who was supposedly stronger than you are gets in the way of family relationships and your relationship with Christ, you should run as fast as you can.

She was great at reminding me that she is here for me and that I can lean on her. NO, that is not how it goes. I can only lean on Christ and nobody else. Like I told my friend, it isn’t her job to be the rock of the strong person. Her job is to be there for the other person and to listen. Her job is to pray and offer comfort. Her job, my ex-friends job and my job is NOT to be the strong person or the rock.

In closing, I want to say that if we take on that role to be the strong person in everyone else’s life, then why would they ever want to turn to Christ, I can’t be the person to come in to save the day for anyone. I can be the person to be there for them, love on them and pray for them.

My favorite Bible verse is, “God is our refuge and strength, ever-present in times of trouble.” I honestly believe this.

Sometimes I don’t Want To Be Nice

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

Mean-Cat-Mayo-Clinic-Study-Explains-Cat-Bites-Landing-People-in-the-HospitalI don’t know about you, but there has been times when I would spend time with someone who I wasn’t particularly fond of. It bothered me that all she knows how to do is bicker and gripe. She finds fault in just about anything or any one… even when life seems to be going right . It is difficult to be around someone who finds in everything and with everyone.

I hope that I’m not the kind of person that people don’t like to be around. Even though I do have my moments. I would like you to take a moment and think about a time when you have been around a person who goes out of their way to be kind to others. I will do a little comparison on what the difference is when a person is kind and when someone is being downright hateful or demeaning.

These are just a few examples of a nice person: 

  • Integrity : Someone that has Integrity  would be a person who has strong moral principles and values and then living your life.  When you have integrity, you adhere to choose to live your life with integrity whether or not other people are watching.
  • Respectfulness: When you treat others with dignity, courtesy and in a civil manner, you are treating them with kindness. I believe that all people should be treated with respect.
  • Compassion: When you honestly feel sympathy for the suffering of others and you have a desire to do something for them to take away their suffering, that is called compassion.
  • Courageousness: Even if a person is fearful, in pain or they have other uncomfortable feelings, you mentally know that you have to step in to help instead of running away. You step up to the plate.
  • Generosity: A person who is generous is someone who is willing to offer their time, energy, emotions or other things. They do things for others without the expectation of getting something in return.
  • Kindness:  When you are showing kindness to others, it is with the intent of being helpful and considerate towards others.Those who show unconditional kindness has a positive disposition.

What does the Bible say about kindness?

As a Christian when I think about what it means to be kind, the first thing or person I think about is Jesus Christ Himself.

Titus 3:4-6: But when the kindness of and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. (NIV)

These are just a few examples of a hateful person: 

 

7TaK5kqRcAs I consider some traits of a person who is mean or demeaning, I think about some people in my life. which is way to many. Could you imagine how much nicer life would be if we got rid of some if not all of these trait.

  • Rudeness – When a person is rude it means that they are offensive, embarrassing and impolite.  
  • Toxic people are manipulative. The toxic and manipulating person are able to get people to do what they want them to do. They have the mindset that it is all about them. They will do whatever they need to do in order to accomplish their goal.
  • Selfishness: Selfishness can somewhat fit into the toxic person who is also manipulated. They have their wheels turning in their little heads as they plot and scheme. They are uncaring and they always have the “Me First” trait. They wouldn’t think of sacrificing anything for anyone and they do expect things in return.
  • Conceited –  When a person is conceited it means that they have a high opinion of themselves. They are fast to point out how small others are and how great they are.
  • Not Responsible: The have no intention of taking responsibility for themselves. They are fast to point out the faults of others, They take no responsibility for their own feelings.
  • Unreliable –  When a person is unreliable, that means that they can’t be depended on. I have known way to many people who have fallen into this category. After a few times of being burned, I have learned that I can’t rely on them for showing up or doing what they have said they would do. There have been times I was supposed to be somewhere and I never made it. 

While there are times that I don’t want to be nice and I am teetering on the I want to hit someone over the head with a hammer kind of thought, I realize that isn’t what I should be doing. I do have a temper and I go off once in a while, I strive to be more like Christ.

There are many areas that I need to work on in my life. There have been people at church who have come up to be and would say how nice I am and how I would never say this or that. I just want to say that I am human and I do make mistakes.

Now I want to take a look at what the Bible says about being kind.

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Throughout the Bible we are commanded  to be kind (Gal 5:22; Eph 4:32; Col 3:12), even to our enemies (Lk 6:35). I’m willing to bet that the reason for God wanting us to be kind is because He is kind Himself, even when there are people who are ungrateful and aren’t kind at all and may even border on wickedness. (Lk 6:36).

  • Galatians 5:22 (NIV) – 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
  • Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) – 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
  • Colossians 3:12 (NIV)12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
  • Luke 6:35-36 (NIV) – 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

There are many who feel that their salvation depends on their good works and deeds. I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but it doesn’t happen like that. We can only be saved because of God’s grace—an expression of God’s kindness.

 How  can we practice kindness in our own lives? 

  1. One of the ways I try to intentionally focus my life on being kind to others is by examining how I interact with others. I ask myself a couple of questions. The first one I ask is how is it that I have been kind to others and the other is for God to let me know how I have been unkind to others.
  2. For me, I like to list ways that I may be able to help others and then set in motion ways to reach those who are lost and lonely. It doesn’t take very much to show kindness to others.
  3. One of the most important tools I use when it comes to examining my heart and being kind to others is to pray. One way you can start is to pray and ask God to show His love and kindness through you this week.
  4.  Now may be a good time to ask God’s Holy Spirit to show you the areas in your life where you need to change or improve on being kind to others. I do want to say that if you ask God to reveal the areas you need help, be ready for an answer. I have found that He is always ready to help me come to terms with the things I have done in my life which would include the good, bad and the ugly. Once you ask him about what areas you need to improve on, be ready to act upon His answer and be willing to accept help to overcome those areas.

41z5hynUY0L._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_I want to share a link with you all that you may find interesting. As I was writing this blog post, a local country artist came to mind. His name is Eric Dodge. I have noticed over the past few years that his life and messages has turned into inspiration and kindness. He wrote a book called, “Why Not Today?” Part of the description on the book says”…let go of our fears, let go of what is holding us back, and just let go of what we cannot change. We have one life to live. Why not see what we can do with it? Why not face our fears! And, Why Not Today? Are you ready to begin your journey with me? There is no better time to face our fears and chase our dreams.” I’m bringing this up because he was letting fear hold him back from being the person that God intended him to be.

I think many times we humans have a way of not stepping out of our comfort zone. Fear seems to take precedence over making a difference in other people’s lives and in our own. Now may be a good time to practice kindness in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

May the Lord be with you this week as you seek to be kind to others!

The Reason I Don’t Celebrate Valentines

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My husband and I stopped doing Valentines a long time ago.  I know it must sound pretty crazy that we don’t make a big day because it is the day of love. If people want to celebrate the day, that is fine. Each person has a right to do that. But I don’t need a specific day to tell let those I love know that I love them.  I find that days like Valentines are way to commercialized. I don’t see February 14th as a day of love. I see it as a day when the florists and candy makers are making a mint of people.

I get nothing out of someone giving me a gift, card or whatever else because they feel like they are obligated. Instead we enjoy doing things for each other to surprise them with gifts or spending time together throughout the year.

article-2084835-0f67c31900000578-955_468x352When I worked at Lins Marketplace and would help with flowers and balloons, I can’t even count how many husbands and boyfriends would come in looking for anything and everything just to keep them out of the doghouse. They would point out how their loved ones told them if they didn’t buy roses, candies, teddy bears or balloons, the might as well not come home. I felt bad for the men who thought they would be heading to divorce court if they didn’t buy something for the quote unquote person that they love. I would prefer to get nothing instead of my husband feeling like he has to give me something.

I can’t talk about this day without sharing some history about it. I was actually surprised to find out that most people don’t know that this day is named for Saint Valentine or Valentines. While I do find that a little sad, it is understandable. Here in the US, we don’t talk about Saint Valentine much. This holiday is all about love (well, love, candy, flowers, and food!). If you would like to learn more about the history of Valentines, Click Here. 

I never really thought much about Valentines day and how it can be hard on some people. My daughter came home from school one day and she was in tears. Her sister received a number of Valentines cards and also had a date for the night. My other daughter didn’t. I was wondering why she was so upset. She and I had a talk and she was depressed because she felt nobody cared about her and that nobody loved her. I took this very seriously.

Valentines Day for the most part focuses entirely on love and romantic relationships. It is great for those who are in a romantic relations, but for those who aren’t it is a source of depression and many may isolate themselves.   Many people who doesn’t have a Valentines may find it more difficult to go to work, school  because of others getting chocolates or roses delivered to those around them. For most single people it could be a minor inconvenience, but for others who suffer from depression or other mental illnesses the feelings of isolation and loneliness could be much worse.

I was reading up on how Valentines Day is a source of depression for many. Here is a bit of information on how to deal with depression and isolation.

Fighting Valentine’s Day depression (src, Sovereign Health of California)

The time during and after Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be depressing. Here are five things anyone can do to beat depression year-round:

  • Have perspective. Valentine’s Day isn’t an official holiday; nobody’s being commanded to be involved with another person. If you’re alone and beating yourself up, have a day where you’re good to yourself for once.
  • Focus on giving love rather than receiving it. The love people feel is often the love they give to the rest of the world. Volunteering could be a good outlet.
  • Think of the people close to you. Be it family members or friends, not every relationship needs to be romantic to be fulfilling. Anyone with friends is fortunate, and a strong social safety net is helpful in fighting depression.
  • Be in the present. Don’t think about relationships that ended poorly – they’re history and over with. Also, don’t think about future relationships or fantasies about someone you’re not involved with.
  • Get exercise. Get out of the house and stay active. Exercise releases endorphins, which can lift moods.

While I was blowing up balloons at my work place a customer told me that her husband better get her something for Valentines or she is considering leaving her. She would not be humiliated if he forgot. It wasn’t like she wanted a small bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. What she wanted would have costed her husband well over $100.00. The roses alone would have been $89.00. She wanted the best of the best. I actually became angry with her and called her a shallow person.

valentines-day-gift-ideas-for-the-woman-you-mateA few years ago a friend of mine was commenting on how excited she was about Valentines day. She was super excited and I asked her why. She told me that it is because her husband always gets her something good. There was no mention of how she was excited to spend time with her hubby or how much she loved him.  She had no plans on getting him anything. She was all about what she was going to get.

I don’t understand why a woman would think it is OK to put their husband or boyfriend in that position. I don’t want to include everyone in this comment. I think there are some genuine guys out there who wants to  shower their loved ones with gifts. By why is it that these gestures have to be for one particular day?

What I would like to say to those women who thinks that nobody loves them because they didn’t get a stupid heart-shaped box of chocolates or a rose that will die, you are worth more than that. I don’t need a candy or gifts to tell me how someone feels about me. I would think that spending time together with each and everyday is invaluable.Gifts are nice once in a while, but I don’t have to have a gift to tell me how valuable I am.  We just understand that we value our time together each and every day.

jesus-loves-you-clip-art-kxlhxs-clipartIn closing, I don’t want to say that Valentines Day is a bad day, I won’t judge others if they choose to celebrate it. For those who have a Valentine it is a good day to reflect and look closer at your relationship. I would say that it is a good day to remember why you have fallen in love the first place and it is a good day to do something nice for one another.

Mainly I want to say to each person is that each and every one of us has a Valentine and that is Jesus Christ. He is better than any box of chocolate or vase of roses.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Father to Son- By Jim Black

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Author- James (Jim) Black 

Father to Son

by James S. Black

Oh, my Son, do you know
The gifts I will someday bestow
Upon my children if they will obey
And upon the straight and narrow stay?

You say you want to be the one
That makes known the value of “The Son”?
You’ll be ridiculed, beaten, striped, and scorned.
Of all my children, please be warned
Only you will be left completely alone.
You’ll discover the way and lead others along.

You will go to earth as a little child.
You’ll grow and learn to be meek and mild.
And if you do; if you teach them well,
You’ll keep them away from the grasp of hell.
There are blessings to gain, lessons to learn
Plans to make, and mansions to earn.

Be strong, my Son, you will be,
The one to work and oversee
My work on earth and on other worlds.
The gospel you’ll cause to be unfurled.

You’ll give to me all the glory.
You’ll live the tale and tell the story,
So others can enjoy the peace of mind
That faith and happiness can be refined.
They’ll come to know what went before
When they pass through heaven’s sacred door.

All this, my Son, you will endure.
You’ll lead the way, be very sure
That all my children have heard the plan,
Each one throughout all the lands.

When all the words which I have spoke
Have come to pass we will envoke
The ordinances that will bring to pass
The End; the world will be turned as if to glass.
And I will say to You, my son,
“It’s done, Jehova. Well done.”

© 2017, James Skouson Black

 

Renewing Your Mind

Romans 12:2, Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

I have been working on this blog post for a while. A couple of things brought me to the point of finishing this post up and I am hoping that I don’t offend to many. I also hope that this post doesn’t become a battle royal. The first thing today that happened was a dear friend of ours posted this status on his Facebook page.

  • (Jim Black) I am going to step away from political discourse for the time being. It is hard for me to maintain a spiritual demeanor and be politically active at the same time. Therefore, I shall not read or respond to politically charged posts until further notice. Thanks for your support.
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Click on this image and it will take you to Pastor Craig’s sermons, past and present. 

The second thing that happened was that I was watching a sermon o my ROKU. I subscribe to a channel that is about the For those who don’t know what ROKU is, it’s a little box that we have hooked up to our television. You have to have WiFi to be able to use it. Instead of having cable, we watch our shows by streaming. You can watch the sermons through ROKU or you can watch the sermons on YouTube or on their website. Oro Valley Church of the Nazarene. The sermons are titled Reset.

One of the comments that Pastor Craig said was, “Renewing your mind, takes a lot of time and it takes time. Time is your friend, renewing your mind takes time, time is your friend. You never broke the old habits. if you don’t take off the old before you put on the new, the new will peel off.”

The sermon along with Jim’s helped me get my thoughts together in a more positive way. Originally this blog post was going to be about how worried and stressed I have been over Trump. When I was supposed to be sleeping or doing other normal things that needs to be done, I was stressing over Trump. I have also been taking many comments personal. It isn’t like those that I know on Facebook such as  friends, family members, my church has family said anything negative to me or about me. At least that I know of, but I have spent countless hours venting internally over some things our government and society has been doing. My mind is far from finding any sense of peace.

When I should have been sleeping, my mind has been running through various actions that have consumed my mind. I would and still do look back at the words that people have been saying about those who they consider “liberals” just because those that didn’t vote for Trump have been labeled as, “baby killers, on welfare, same-sex marriage, no morals and so on. There is a long list when it comes to what people think. liberals are.

It isn’t just coming from the Republicans, it is also coming from the Democrats. Democrats  have said over and over again about how peaceful they are. Yet, they are the ones destroying property and saying vulgar things all in the name of standing together. I watched both of the conventions for Trump and for Clinton. I think back to when Michelle Obama said .”while they go low, we go high.” I don’t see any of this going on. I guess in some ways, yes, but for the most part the actions are low. Things don’t make sense in my brain when it comes to all of the chaos that is going on in the world. I don’t have the answers, well, The only answer I have is Jesus Christ.

I have had some people assume that I am a liberal because I didn’t vote for Trump. I believe that each and every person has the right to vote for the person they think would be the best man or woman for the job.  It isn’t my job to judge those who don’t agree with me. Although, I will be the first one to post a fact checked article over false news. I wanted Carson and then he dropped out and then I decided on Kasich. He stood for the things that meant the most for me.

As, I was reading the post that Jim Black wrote and the sermon I was listening to from Oro Valley Church of the Nazarene, I decided the best approach I could take was to see what God’s Words say. I have always believed that the Bible gives us all of the answers. We just have to be willing to look for it and then accept the truths that God has given us.

2015003_univ_lsr_lg-1So, what does the Bible have to  say about government and politics. I have found that the Bible is pretty clear when it comes to the government. Which also includes education, helping those in need, private property and welfare.

 

Here are some verses that I have found on this subject;

  • Proverbs 8:15, 16 , By me kings reign and rulers issue decrees that are just; by me princes govern, and nobles—all who rule on earth.  Since the Bible is the inspired Word of God, it is pretty safe to say that the government should use wisdom to rule and to make laws that are just.
  • 1 Timothy 5:3-16 , Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. Read More…
  • 2 Thessalonians 3:6-15, In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who is idle and disruptive and does not live according to the teaching[a] you received from us. For you yourselves know how you ought to follow our example. We were not idle when we were with you, nor did we eat anyone’s food without paying for it. On the contrary, we worked night and day, laboring and toiling so that we would not be a burden to any of you. Read More… 
  • Proverbs 28:2-4 and 29:4 urges rulers to maintain order justly, to follow God’s moral code and to avoid oppressing the poor.

After reading up on all the things government wise and such, it is pretty easy to see that when people are in need of help, they should come to their families first and then to those they may know. If all else has failed, they go to the church and other sources. People should work for a living and not become dependent on others. I haven’t found any place in the Bible where it says that the government is the one responsible for taking care of others. It also doesn’t say that the government is to take care of the poor and needy by using public funds/taxes  from those who are paying taxes.

So, what does the government and the chaos that is going on around us have to do with renewing of our minds? To change your life, you must change the way you think. Behind everything you do is a thought. Every behavior is motivated by a belief, and every action is prompted by an attitude.

  • Ephesians 4:23, to be made new in the attitude of your minds; Change always starts first in the mind. The way you think determines the way you feel, and the way you feel influences the way you act, which means “there must be a spiritual renewal of your thoughts and attitudes”

There isn’t a day that goes by when we aren’t bombarded with negative news, people and discussions.  As we see all the chaos playing out on our televisions, computer screens or whatever, I would say that we shouldn’t let the fears, doubts and the anxieties of this world stop you from being the person God intended you to be.  Renew your mind, and focus on His Word, mercy and grace. When we do these things, we are able to help those people in our lives that are family, friends and others that we reach out to for Christ.

The only conclusions I can come with is that it’s time to renew our minds. I know for myself, it is something I need to do more often, well each day I need to do that. It can be difficult and I struggle with it, but if it is something that you desire, then it can be done.

Those who are in the government aren’t  the savior of the world. Jesus Christ is the salvation for all of mankind. God knew that the world needed to be saved long before Trump or an other politician. Redemption can not be accomplished  because of politics or the power of man. Salvation of mankind is accomplished only through Jesus Christ, faith, grace and love. “Love our neighbors as ourselves” and “strive for justice and peace among all people and respect the dignity of every human being.”

Living By Example – Going on Hiatus

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This is a bit of a vent for me. I am so tired of seeing posts and images that are hateful. The judging of others are out of hand and there is a huge division in our country. Half of the people on my Facebook page are Trump supporters. Then there are those who are Clinton supporters. Then there is the Independents who votes for the person, not the party. I am an Independent and I find it very degrading when I read comments from those who are Christian and yet they are the ones posting pictures and comments that are photo shopped and not true. I find some of them disgusting and I take them personally.

With all of the horrible things that are being posted, I have decided that it is best to take a hiatus from Facebook. I am finding myself livid over some of the things that are said and done. It really upsets me when people post things and don’t check things out. Anyone who knows how to google can find out what is truth and what is fiction. All of the pictures that have hateful quotes can be checked out.

I had a friend come over to my house and I was showing her how to use Facebook. She just recently got her own computer, so I decided to show her how to add friends and such. I also showed her how to put friends in groups. I have my settings where certain people can read anything I post and see pictures. When I showed her how to set up the “family” group and I showed her some of those on that list, she was sickened by what she was reading when it came to the political views of some. Then I went to show her the group I have set up that is labeled “Christians”. Lets say she was shocked by what she was reading and wanted to know what kind of Christian would say the things they were saying. I had no answer for her.

I have been witnessing to this young woman for some time and for her to see what family members and Christian friends were posting about political things, she questioned me about what kind of Christian would say those kinds of things. Of course I told her that there is no perfect Christian and that we are saved. Then we got onto the discussion of forgiveness. I told her that if she asks to be forgiven, then she will be. But she has to be sincere. I also told her that if you are going to keep doing the same thing over and over again, then she needs to be praying for guidance and help. Which is something I pray for when it comes to a few things.

Christians have an obligation to be an example for other Christians and for those who don’t know Jesus. We can either be a good example or a bad one. You can’t be both. Christians who are walking with Christ needs to be good examples because I can guarantee you that there are people watching and there is also a great deal of spiritual warfare going on. I totally feel like that is what has been going on lately.

We Are- Kari Jobe 

Part of the Lyrics

We are the light of the world
We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine
We are the light of the world
We are the city on a hill
We are the light of the world
We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine, let the light shine, let the light shine

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I’m trying to not be judgmental when it comes to what others say, share and write. That is easier said than done. It’s difficult to keep my composure when I read some of the things I have read over this past year. To say that I am shocked is an understatement for sure. It’s easy to lash out at them and in a sense I am since I am thinking about it. Like right now, I am writing this blog and it is because I read a shared picture that was about how anyone who didn’t vote for Trump must be an evil person and Satan’s spawn. I am paraphrasing what it said, but that is the short description. Now, this is coming from a person who professes to be a Christian.

Since I didn’t vote for Trump and I voted with my conscience and went with Kasich, he is basically saying that I am and others that didn’t vote for Trump is pure evil and is destined to go to hell. Now, while I am obviously upset, I also realize that  I must take the high road, because the other road would make it easy to knock him upside the head.

I honestly don’t think people consider that what comes out of our mouth can and does cause damage. It ruins friendships, breaks up families and causes misunderstandings since there is a wall that has been constructed. I know that we all have been guilty of saying hurtful things. I know I am guilty of this over and over. My tongue gets me into a ton of trouble.

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There comes a time when we must or I have to be mindful that what we say and do can damage and cause divisions that may not be able to be repaired. Some may have heard that it is better to not say anything if you can’t say anything nice. A lot of the things we say and post on social media is probably best left unsaid.

  • Psalm 19:14, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”
  • Proverbs 15:1  We shouldn’t be talking to each other in a harsh manner. We should be truthful and kind to one another: “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
  • Ephesians 4:29“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
  • Proverbs 17:9,  When we tall to others is shouldn’t be bringing down other people, instead it should be building others up. “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”
  • Luke 6:45, The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks.”
  • Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:
  • 1 Corinthians 10:31 So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

I always check to make sure whatever someone posts is true. 9 times out of 10 they are false. I have actually been considering taking a break from social media. When all the hateful messages and untruths are posted, I find it disgusting. I have found that even in my own family that there are those who don’t think about what they are posting.I was going to share some of the comments, and then I decided that there has been enough negativity going around to chock a horse.

As a Christian, I try to ask myself “What Would Jesus Do?” Would Jesus post some of the comments that are posted all over Facebook. When I see posts from those who are believers in Christ, it breaks my heart in two. I have a really hard time when I talk to those who I am closest to and find out that what they think and believe is far from what Jesus would want us to be and say.

  • Matthew 7:12, So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you,for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
  • Matthew 5:16  In the same way, you should be a light for other people. Live so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.

I can’t even count how many times people are shocked that I would be part of a protest or march. When I watch peaceful marches, it inspires me to stand up for injustices in the world and to make it a better place. I can’t change all of the world, but I can make a difference for a few people. When I hear people mocking those who march and stand up for themselves, I get rather upset. Even if I don’t agree, they still have rights. I find it sad and demeaning when I read some posts on Facebook that belittles those who are marching. When I read hateful remarks from people who I always considered loving and kind, it is like someone sucker punched me. Not all democrats are evil and not all democrats believe in abortion. People are very judgmental and hateful.

In closing I just want to say,  we should be mindful when it comes to our behavior. Social media can be a good thing or a bad thing. People from all over the world is watching to see if our actions matches our faith, if our walk matches what we are saying .

I am on Hiatus from Facebook because of all the hateful words and  conversations from Republicans, Democrates and those who think it is OK to spread hate… But I will be back.

Taking Care of Yourself

I was just thinking about how it is that someone has a hard time when it comes to accepting love and such.

74ccde10249ec9c9cd22bf1f6cc0f857I have a very dear person that I love so very much. I won’t go into names. But, for most of her life she has never felt like she deserves to have the security and love that all others have gotten or strive for.

I feel really bad for her because she has become the caregiver and the expendable one in her family. She finally gets it all together and things are working out for her and then something happens. She has never really had a home of her own for quite some time. When she gets to the point of getting on the right track, someone will come along and want her to stop what she is doing and run to their aid.

My brother-in-law is like this. Craig has had his own place off and on, but if someone were to call him up and say they need help, he would drop everything and run to that person. He took care of his grandma for years. He had no life because he did everything for her. After that, he moved to Tucson, AZ to care for his parents. There was very little gratitude. He had his own place and moved out of it so he could be there for them. Even while he was being harped on, he still helped out. All of his things went into storage. He is now retired and has never married and doesn’t really have anything.

The other person that this blog has done much of the same thing. She had her own place, moved out of it to go live with her parents. She had a good paying job and dropped everything to go help out. While the person she was caring for was grateful, there still was some pretty major bickering and fighting.

quotes-about-moving-onAs soon as her mom died, she left the house and had nothing left. No job, home or food. While I thinking caring for those who can’t care for themselves is something we all should do. But, there are those who will take and take till there is no more.

There is a great deal of demands on those who are caregivers and it can be overwhelming, especially when you have no say so and it is as if you are in quick sand. The stress that she had has taken a toll on her health, state of mind and in a sense relationships. She was beyond the point of being burned out.

She was burned out and was having problems doing anything. While she was helping everyone else, she lost herself and plummeted into a deep depression. It’s OK to take care of others, but there comes a time when you have to take care of your own needs. She deserves to have joy and peace just as much as anyone else does.

She has given of herself for her entire life. I do think she is at a point where she realizes that she has to make a difference in her own life in order to find any real sense of happiness. While caring for others is rewarding, it has also caused stress and anxiety. The type of stress that she has experienced in her lifetime will have long-term effects on her. I worry a great deal about her. It’s as if she has no hope that things will get better when it comes to family members and so-called obligations. The type of stresses that care givers experience is damaging and disheartening.

I personally feel that there are relationships in her life that is toxic. I know for myself, I had to walk away from some friends and family members that were toxic to me. I was feeling physically and emotionally drained.

This friend of mine is in need of emotional support so she can deal with her depression and anxiety. There are times when she emotionally breaks down and ends up having panic attacks. I told her that there isn’t anything wrong with taking care of herself. I wholeheartedly think that if she was able to get her life stable and if people would stop badgering her to do this or that, that she would find inner peace. There comes a point when you have to break this vicious cycle and do what is best for her, not everyone else.

I know it sounds easy to say and I know it isn’t easy, but there comes a time when you shouldn’t let taking care of everyone take priority over your life. I would love to see her find something that will make her happy. She does enjoy doing for others and she finds joy in that. I think it would be awesome if she could just step back for a bit and find something that gives her a purpose.

let-goI would like to tell her to “let go of the guilt”. You have done everything humanly possible. I have been guilty of guilt-tripping others. Eventually I learned that it causes a great deal of resentment on both sides of the fence. It shouldn’t be done, and unfortunately it still happens. Some of the things that others have said in order to manipulate the person is” don’t worry about me, I can do it, I have been doing it all anyhow, so why stop now?”

There  has been countless conversations when it comes to using guilt trips as a means to get the person to do what they want. When guilt is being used, it destroys the relationship. When guilt is being used, it is never an act of unconditional love. It is a means to hurt and break down the person. Unfortunately it happens in relationships and in families. When someone uses guilt , suffering and resentment is going to follow.

My advice to this dear person that I can’t use her name is to tell her that there is hope. I would say that there isn’t anyone that is perfect and there will never be someone with a perfect life.

658b1fad137248f0a72c90168d085465She has a longing to find a place of her own. Now is the best time to take back her life. Be the person that you know you can be and be the person God intended you to be. What she wants is nothing grand and is nothing that she can’t do. She wants to live under her own rules, with her own things. She wants to go to bed when she wants and fix her own meals without feeling like she has to ask permission. There is nothing wrong with her wanting the kind of normal life that most everyone else has.

If I were her I would make sure to make it a point to let those who want to use guilt and manipulate her to end that pattern. She is a married adult who has never been able to really live her life in the way she has desired. She is dispensable and for some reason, they feel that she can give up her hopes and dreams in order for them to have the hopes and dreams they want. I am very proud of her for standing her ground. It isn’t an easy feat at all. Her whole life has been to please everyone and not make waves. I say, make all the waves you want. You deserve to be happy and you are just as important as anyone else is.

Now is the time to take your life back and now is the time to realize that you don’t have to keep running. Now is the time to realize that you are loved by many and that God loves you unconditionally.

I would recommend reading about the signs of a toxic person… Click here to read…