Search Me, God

Something has been on my mind all week-long. What I have been stewing over is neediest and sticking a person’s nose into conversations that wasn’t about them to begin with. What should have been a joyous week turned into a week of misunderstandings and bull-headed discussions. I have gone back and forth on posting this blog because I don’t want to cause problems, but I also feel that people needs to understand that things aren’t always what they seem.

The theme for this years Vacation Bible School was called “Submerged” and it was based on Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.” Each day the students explored how Jesus saw people and examined the truth within themselves and deep within their hearts and souls

My Grandson JJ

I had to ask my grandson permission to discuss what I am going to cover in this blog post. JJ is 8 years old. By all appearance he is a normal hot-headed boy. He has a temper and a ornery streak. During Vacation Bible School, he was hard to handle each day. Based on his behavior a nice way to explain his actions is that he was being a bully and highly agitated. His expressions on his face were like daggers. If people didn’t know him like I know him, I would never want a child like him in my classroom. Some would even say that he needed a good paddling. In the past I would have said the exact same thing. That is until I went with him to a Dr’s appointment.

JJ’s has a pretty difficult diagnosis and it is hard for those who aren’t familiar with children like JJ to understand it. So, I was getting pretty defensive over the whole thing when a couple of the ladies were saying some horrible things and thinking that JJ was just being a belligerent child who is spoiled rotten. I would say that this weeks lesson about not judging the person on the outside and seeing who they are on the inside.

You, see, JJ has ADHD with Defiance Disorder and High Functioning Autism/Asperburgers. One the surface adults may not see this, but God does knows this. I was telling a couple of ladies that they don’t need to know all the information on his diagnosis and it isn’t as if people need to explain everything that is going on medically or mentally. But, I was backed into a corner when it came to explaining what shouldn’t have needed explained. Nobody and especially not a child should have to be backed into a corner like he was. What makes it even worse is that those pushing were told over and over again to leave it alone and to leave him alone since they don’t understand. Basically this is JJ in a nutshell.

The information below is from WebMD

  • Autism is a brain disorder in which communication and interaction with others are difficult. The symptoms of autism may range from total lack of communication with others to difficulty in understanding others’ feelings. Because of the range of symptoms, this condition is now called autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

Symptoms of Autism/Asperbergers

  • A lack of skill in interacting with others
  • Little understanding of the abstract uses of language, such as humor or give-and-take in a conversation
  • Obsessive interest in specific items or information

Unlike people with other forms of autism, people with high-functioning autism or Asperberger’s syndrome want to be involved with others. They simply don’t know how to go about it. They may not be able to understand others’ emotions. They may not read facial expressions or body language well. As a result, they may be teased and often feel like social outcasts. The unwanted social isolation can lead to anxiety and depression.


Lessons throughout the week were about;

Prepare to embark on an adventure like no other, scouring the mysterious fathoms of the deep sea. Thrilling discoveries await just beyond the portholes of your submarine. Things look very different once you get below the surface – and that’s true for life above the surface, too.

As kids submerge themselves in God’s Word, they will discover that Jesus saw people differently. He didn’t just see what’s on the outside; He saw who people were down deep.

As kids learn to see themselves and others as Jesus sees them, they can realize that everyone needs a Savior – even those who look like they have it all together. A relationship with Jesus Christ changes everything!

I don’t really want to go into more details about the whole week, but I would like to cover one of the conversations that happened this week. I just basically want to say that nobody should be judged and that God has a plan for all of us and that He loves the children, flaws and all.

Now, back to the lessons for this week.

c65f14d11a78443354eb851ef20f665eAs I think about this particular verse and the lessons of the week, I would hope that those I am close are those I can tell my deepest and darkest secrets to. It’s important to have people in our lives that can look at my face and know that something is wrong. I would say that my best friend Lisa is this way. She can tell when there is something going on with me and I can tell when she is having difficult day.

Throughout the week we discussed how God also knows us more than we know ourselves. He gets us. He doesn’t see just the surface, He see’s everything. When it comes to acquaintances, it is different unfortunately. We might tell them bits and pieces about our lives, but for the most part we humans or at least I save my deepest feelings and worries for those I am closest to and trust. I can’t help but wonder why humans are that way. Personally I feel that people who go to church wears the most masks to conceal who we really are. When we should actually be who we are. Who are we fooling anyhow? It sure wouldn’t be God since He knows us more than we know us.

I find it interesting how we wear our masks for those around us and when it comes to our relationship with Jesus. We go through the motions of praying and asking God to forgive us of our sins. If you are like me, I will ask Him to forgive me of the sins that I find less sinful. What I mean by “less sinful” is the times I would get mad at someone for saying a bad word or when I have said “little white lies”, which by the way, a lie is a lie. I am pretty good about asking for good things to happen to me and for me. But, rarely do I ask him to search me since I know that could be a loaded question.

I am guilty of not asking Him to look deep down in my heart to see if there is anything in me that needs to be changed. I wonder if the reason I don’t open myself up in this way is because I don’t want to acknowledge those sins that makes me uncomfortable. When the Holy Spirit searches us and convicts us of our sins, we do our darndest to rationalize it away. Or I’m not the same person I use to be, so lets forget it ever happened. If you are like me, I will still carry that sin with me,  I have to deal with it in the right way and that is through Christ.

When we pray, we might ask him to forgive us of our little sins and ask for good things to happen to us, but we never ask him to search us. Or, at least I leave out that part. It’s hard to ask God to look deep down in our heart and see if there is anything within us that needs changing. We hesitate to open up in this way because it’s uncomfortable. When the Holy Spirit searches us and convicts us of sin, we rationalize it away. Or, we have been living our life with a particular sin for so long, that it just becomes a part of who we are. Jesus already knows, so we aren’t fooling Him.

My friend and I were talking about the lesson plan they were going to be receiving on this particular day. They were slated to discuss how we need to really get to the know people instead of getting to know someone based on outside appearances.

As my friend and I were discussing my grandson JJ and using him as an example about there are those who thinks that he is a spoil child that is out of control. They figure that JJ is being rude and out of line. My friend and I were discussion how it is dangerous to let him participate in certain activities.

In closing, I just want to say that I needed to write this blog so I can bring it to God. I also feel that this last week is a good reminder to each and everyone that we never know what a person is really going through. God knows all things and it is important for us to go to God and to love others in the same way that God does.

What I learned from this blog post is that I don’t appreciate people getting into my bubble and I shouldn’t have to answer 20 questions about my own life and medical issues unless I choose to share it. A child shouldn’t have to be someone other than who they are. They shouldn’t have to wear masks to make others happy. They shouldn’t have to go through a check list about why they do what they do. All they need to do is to be loved. If they choose to share, they can, otherwise, just be caring. If someone is concerned about the child, then talk to the parent. But, don’t assume what you are witnessing is what is actually going on.

I once had a friend tell me that people don’t really understand what my illness is and what Guillian Barre Syndrome is or what Myasthenia Gravis is. She thought it would be a good idea to tell a whole room of people about what I have so they can better understand. Needless to say that never happened and it will never happen. Just like JJ shouldn’t have to go through a check list to explain to everyone. I am defensive when it comes to my grand-kids and that isn’t going to change anytime soon. I know there is no perfect child just as there is no perfect adult

So, now, I will close this with this weeks verse and lesson, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.”

If this offends anyone, I am sorry, but I felt I needed to speak up about judging others when we are not the judge. That’s Gods job.

Rich or Poor- It’s all based on Perspectives

This story wasn’t written by me and I found that this is worth sharing. In the United States we are a very spoiled society. Entitlement seems to run rampant. Our lives and living situations are much better than most people in our world and in other countries. We waste resources and our time. Americans can never have enough.

My grandson JJ who is 8yrs old will have this conversation every now and then. JJ has a ton of toys and has never wanted for anything and yet he still feels like he is missing out. My daughter and her husband have made it a point to explain to him just how blessed he is.  JJ’s parents go out of their way to make sure JJ has what he needs. He is raised knowing who God is and Jesus is the Lord of their house. At the end of the day in his mind there is never enough though.

Jessica and Jason have worked very hard for everything they have. They aren’t rich but they aren’t poor. They want to be sure to raise their kids with work ethics and teaching them about God. JJ is always wanting more and more. JJ also feels cheated out of happiness and life pleasures because he doesn’t have friends or siblings that he can play with. He doesn’t have a 6 week old sister now, but it will take time for them to be friends.

On the flip side, I have my other daughter and her husband’s family. They struggle with finances and may not have the best things, but they do have love. They have their faith. Their children don’t really have the gimmies. They feel blessed by the simple things in life. My grandson Tyson has the outlook that he doesn’t need a lot to be happy. My grandson JJ is jealous when it comes to what my other four grandkids have. His perspective is that they have everything and he has nothing.

The illustration of this story reminds me how happiness and how rich or poor we are is all based on our perspective. This story is coming from the childs perspective as his father tries to teach his child about how poor people live.


As the child in this story demonstrates to his wealthy father, the “poor” people are really “rich” in ways the “rich” people are truly “poor.”

The following story has been making its rounds and it teaches us a valuable lesson about gratitude.

One day a very wealthy father took his son on a trip to the country for the sole purpose of showing his son how it was to be poor. They spent a few days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

After their return from the trip, the father asked his son how he liked the trip. “It was great, Dad,” the son replied. “Did you see how poor people can be?” the father asked. “Oh Yeah,” said the son.

“So what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father. The son answered, “I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.

We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.

We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.” The boy’s father was speechless. Then his son added, “It showed me just how poor we really are.”

Too many times we forget what we have and concentrate on what we don’t have. What is one person’s worthless object is another’s prize possession. It is all based on one’s perspective.

Sometimes it takes the perspective of a child to remind us what’s important.

What’s you thoughts on this story?

Questioning God


This past Sunday at church, we had a guest speaker. Craig Fowler and his family are missionaries with CMF Ethiopia. Our church has been sponsoring them for a number of years. Todays message spoke to me on a more personal level than some of the other times he came to speak. It sounds kind of crazy when I word it that way since I always get something out of the sermons at my church.

I’m not going to go into too much detail on his sermon. If you weren’t there, you missed an awesome sermon. It is posted on my churches youtube channel and you can listen to it. Listen to Craig Fowlers Sermon. You can also read their newsletter by following this link. At the bottom of the page, there is a link that say’s “Newsletter“.

Sometimes as we look around at the world we can’t help but ask question. Such as , “how can God be allowing all of these things to happen?” There are times when I look at my life and wonder about this also. In the news we are seeing hate crimes against groups that we don’t agree with. Recently it is the 49 killed at a gay bar and other mass killings. Not long ago there was the person who went into a church and opened fire and killed innocent people during a Bible study. I can’t help but wonder where God is when all these things are going on. I would think any normal person would ask that. Well, unless I’m not normal, and I’m OK with that too.

Have you ever asked “why would God put me through this?  People in general have a way of questioning anything and everything. There are those who enjoy looking at people and calling them out rather than looking at their own lives.  There are  also some who believe that to question the Bible, God’s direction, or even God Himself is nothing short of  blasphemy or a sign of disbelief.

  • Luke 11 – “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened

Craig’s message was about how he has been going through a hard time when it comes to believing there is a God and he has been questioning his faith.  I found his message refreshing and honest. One that I would think many have dealt with. The Fowlers are missionaries to the Gumuz People in Ethiopia. Before the Fowlers moved there to start-up the medical clinic and began sharing the Gospel with those who probably never heard about God. Lately they have been helping them with obtaining clean water by building water wells. I take for granted the things we have, but because of missionaries like the Fowlers, I am extremely grateful and blessed.

Over the years, they would speak about what the Gumuz people believed in and their experiences. The Fowlers were surrounded by people who was practicing witch doctors and into voodoo. They probably never laid eyes on white people. The Fowlers lived among these people for 11 yrs. They live in conditions that many of us would never ever want to be around. They didn’t and for the most part don’t have modern facilities that we have become accustomed to.

Craig and Allison have 3 beautiful children that have been raised around the Gumuz Tribe. I have always wanted to do missions and for the most part because of missionaries like the Fowlers. When I look at some of the pictures and hear about all they are doing, I feel blessed and honored to know them. Many believe that you must go out of the country to do mission work, which isn’t true.  Over the 11 yrs that they lived there, they have planted 15 plus churches, trained the Gumuz leaders to teach the Word of God. They have also made it possible for the Gumuz can take care of their needs medically. They have medical personnel and church leaders.

Even though we weren’t there with them on the mission field, it is awesome to support in prayer and financial support. They will still be in Ethiopia and will still be missionaries. Craig will be heading CMF International  in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia working with missionaries in these remote areas. While God is opening new doors for the Fowlers, supporting them in prayer and financial support is a continued need.

They will have different roles now, which is awesome. I believe that we all live in a mission field. You don’t have to live in a remote village in order to be missionaries for Christ.

mis·sion·ar·y  (mĭsh′ə-nĕr′ē)

n. pl. mis·sion·ar·ies

1. One who is sent on a mission, especially one sent to do religious or charitable work in a territory or foreign country.
2. a purpose for which a person or group of people is sent. His mission was to seek help.misión
3. the purpose for which (one feels) one was born. He regards it as his mission to help the cause of world peace.misión

1. Of or relating to missions or missionaries.
2. Engaged in the activities of a mission or missionary.

Now, back to today’s message from Craig Fowler. As a believer in God, is it OK to question God or challenge HIm about what He is doing in my life.

I personally don’t feel it is wrong to question God. Even the prophet Habakkuk had questions for God. In the Psalms we find that there are many questions asked of God. These questions were more like cries and worries of those who were persecuted and desperate for God’s salvation and intervention. We may not get the answers we want, we can conclude from these passages that when we are sincere in our questioning that they are welcomed by God.

Some of the questions that are covered by the Psalmist are;

  • “Why, O LORD, do you stand far away? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?” (Psalms 10:1)
  • “Why have you forgotten me?” (Psalms 42:9b)
  • “Why do you forget our affliction and oppression?” (Psalms 44:24b)
  • “How long, O God, is the foe to scoff? Is the enemy to revile your name forever?” (Psalms 74:10)

There are many times when I have questioned God or have doubted. I felt guilty that I would even have any doubts. I honestly don’t think that an honest question  or concern is a sin, but a bitter and rebellious heart is. God isn’t intimidated by our questions. I would think that when we “question God,” it should be with an open heart and a humble spirit. Throughout my life,  I have come to the conclusion that unless I am genuinely asking and willing to open my heart, then He will answer my questions or concerns, but in His time. I would think that my heart condition is what determines if it is right or wrong to ask questions.

I know I’ve asked these questions many times throughout my life and then I stop myself from having questions. I  guess the reason I have tried to stop having these type of questions is out of guilt and shame. I  shouldn’t be questioning God because that would say I have no faith in Him as some have pointed out.  People or fellow Christians are fast to point out how you can’t be a Christian if you question God or my faith is wavering.

They often challenge God about what is going on in their own lives, the struggles they are facing and they also look around them and question why wicked men seem to flourish and God’s people seem to be in trouble.

So, again, is it OK to ask questions?

Yes! We can ask questions. As we have seen from the Psalms, questioning God and trusting Him go together. I would think that God is the right one to ask because He is the one who is in control. Anytime I have questioned Him, I have found that

Yes! But in the right way. We’re not to accuse God of doing wrong, or to act like we know better than him. But we’re to honestly approach Him with our questions and the things that are on our heart as we seek to live for Him.

And remember, as we’ve seen from the Psalms, questioning God and trusting Him go hand-in-hand. I would think that He’s the right one to ask, because Gods the One in control. If we can’t ask questions, than I’m in a boatload of trouble since I am always asking questions. It isn’t as if I don’t trust what I read in the Bible or hear what He says. I figure for the most part it is because I’m not fully understanding what it is that He is saying.

I really appreciated Craig Fowlers sermon today. I also enjoy Pastor Rays sermons. The reason why I enjoy them is that while I may not always like what they saying, I know it is important to learn more about what God has to say. Pastor Dean use to say before difficult sermon topics to, ” don’t shoot the messenger”. And I think many times people get upset and throw temper tantrums because they don’t like what God or what pastors are saying. There are times I may not agree and during those times, I turn to God’s Word and I ask what the pastor is saying. They also don’t like it when they are called out for doing things that we do. I’m not a fan of being called out on my sins, but it is important.

Today’s sermon was important and not an easy one I am sure. But for me it spoke to my heart in more than one way.

The Greatest Gift – Josalyn

13173612_10206373233466507_4035423167970210811_oOn Friday May 6th, 2016 we welcomed our newest grand-daughter to the family. Josalyn is our second grand-daughter and I have to say that she is just the cutest. We have four grandsons and we now have two grand daughters. Our family has been blessed in more ways than I can count.

Josalyn has an older brother. JJ is 8 yrs old and has been praying a long time to have a sibling. After my daughter found out that she was pregnant, JJ was saying that it was his fault that she was pregnant. I adjusted the rear view mirror to see his face. At that point, I asked him why it was that it is his fault. He said it was because he has been praying for a long time to have a brother. So, God was listening to him and answered his prayer. At that point we didn’t know the gender, lol.


JJ is happy about having a sister now though. Well! All but the crying. He has requested ear plugs so he can sleep at night.

Healing Moments

This Mothers Day was a sad day in some ways, and blessings in another way. This is the first Mothers Day that I didn’t get to call my mom up and wish her a Happy Mothers Day. My mom went home to be with the Lord on August 21st, 2015. While I know that death is an experience that all humans have to deal with and one day we will be face to face ourselves.

My sister Joyce is having a very difficult time when it comes to mom and she was dreading Mothers Day for a number of reasons. She and I knew we wouldn’t be talking to mom or sending her mums or roses this year. The day was filled with tears of sorrow and of joy. Joyce was by my mom’s side as she entered into the Lords arms. She has been the most affected by my moms death because of the things she witnessed first hand.

My sister Joyce is holding Josalyn and Josalyn is holding Joyce’s finger. Also in this picture is the ring that is on my sisters fingers. This ring was my moms mothers ring. She made sure to give it to Joyce prior to her passing away.                                                                       

While we were talking, we had this overwhelming feeling of moms presence and the joy of the birth of my grand-daughter Josalyn. Josalyn was born just two days before Mothers Day. My sister and I were in the room when Josalyn entered this world.

My daughter was going to just have myself and her husband in the room when Josalyn was born, but it didn’t work out that way. Instead of going into the hallway or waiting area, Joyce was able to stay and witness the birth of this precious little baby girl. It was one of those God moments. Joyce was put to work to help during the delivery portion while I cut the umbilical cord. Which I have to say was pretty awesome and a privilege.

Since my sister was never able to have children, this was the greatest gift she could have been given.  I didn’t realize why she wasn’t able to have children until recently. She suffers from depression and anxiety. I don’t think my daughter Jessica understands fully how much it meant for Joyce to witness the birth of her great-niece. Joyce felt honored and overjoyed as this special gift from God made her way into our lives and hearts.

There has been many tears shed over Mothers Day weekend. My sister desperately wanted a child of her own and for whatever reason God only knows why she wasn’t able to conceive. Joyce felt like she was cursed since she wasn’t given children. She would have made an awesome mom. While we were discussing what happened to her physically and emotionally, she realized that God loves her and that she does have a purpose. I’m sure God has a lot in store for Joyce,  Josalyn and all of His children.








Depending on God in Hard Times

This is the third and final post about my experience with Guillian Barre Syndrome. Well, for the most part. What I would like to focus on with this post is my faith. While Guillian Barre Syndrome is bad, it would have been impossible to make it through it all without my faith in God. I have no doubt that I am still here because of God.

While having the diagnosis of any type of illness can and does cause fear. Fear of the unknown has a way of paralyzing a person more than any disease like Guillian Barre Syndrome could. When we allow fear to control our lives it makes us a prisoner to whatever fear we may have.

Andy Griffith
I firmly believe that in every situation, no matter how difficult, God extends grace greater than the hardship, and strength and peace of mind that can lead us to a place higher then where we were before.                                                                                                                                        Andy Griffith 

Today during church, I was talking to a friend and we got talking about Gillian Barre Syndrome and about a gentleman who most know by watching his shows. Andy Griffith, played Andy on The Andy Griffith Show and Matlock, developed Guillain–Barré in 1983. Andy Griffith was a trooper and never let it control his life.  Andy Griffith was hit by GBS in 1983 while his wife was recuperating from minor surgery in Los Angeles. He caught a bad case of the flu, whose symptoms were replaced by pain throughout his body. One day he stood up and tried to walk, only to fall flat on his face… Read His Story from Guidepost;

One of the most asked questions I receive is, “how do you deal with everything?” That is a pretty easy answer for the most part. All, I can say is that it is a “God thing.” Because of Guillian Barre Syndrome and other circumstances beyond my control, I am able to use those experiences to share with others what God has done in my life. When we praise Him in all things and through all circumstances, we experience His grace and love.

Then I have people ask me about healing. They don’t understand how I can trust God in all things since I still have an abundance of medical issues. Honestly, it isn’t always easy, but I know that while I may not be healed in this world,  I will have a complete healing one day. When I put my faith in Him, I am looking for His guidance and letting Him know that I need him and I trust Him in all things. Anything I do as a Christian, I have tried to make it a point to allow God to use my circumstances for His glory, not mine.

As I look at what others deal with each and every day,  I know that things could be much worse. I don’t understand how some people can go through life without God. In my opinion, my difficult moments necessitate trusting God. If I didn’t have a personal relationship with Christ and I didn’t trust in God, I would think life would be disastrous. Whatever happens, it is a good idea to not give into fear and to seek God first.  In Luke 18:27- “The things which are impossible with men are possible with God.”

The Bible has a great deal when it comes to not being afraid.

  • Deuteronomy 31:8, Moses said, “And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.
  • Isaiah 35:4; 41:13 – “Say to those who are fearful-hearted, “Be strong, do not fear! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God; He will come and save you. For I, the Lord your God, will hold your right hand, saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’”
  • James 1:2 -“Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him”.

Throughout my experience, I have learned many lessons and most of those lessons have to do with depending on Jesus Christ and having faith in God.

I would say is the most important lesson is the power of prayer. When you have nothing else, you can always go to God in prayer. No matter what the situation you are going through, God is there.  When you talk to God, it can improve your life in many ways. Not always does God answer in the way you would expect, but He always answers. Prayer is a special connection between you and God.

  • Romans 8:26 – Likewise the Spirit also helps our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself makes intercession for us with groaning which cannot be uttered
  • 1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the LORD and his strength, seek his face continually

Ask your friends to pray for your needs. Family and friends are one of Gods ways to helping you and strengthening you during your struggles and difficult times.

Even when you feel like you are weak and small, God is loving, powerful and is always there. He will speak to your heart and soul. He will help you enter into prayer and to fully experience God’s loving presence. One of the most powerful ways I have felt His presence is through music and prayer. Some of my favorite worship singers are Mercy Me,Danny Gokey,  Casting Crowns and Mandisa. There are really so many, but these singers/groups have a special place in my heart.

Favorite Music to Help You make it through your life difficulties. These are my go to songs when I’m down and getting stressed over my health and emotions.

  1. Mandisa- Stronger
  2. Casting Crowns- Praise You In This Storm
  3. Danny Gokey – Tell Your Heart to Beat Again
  4. Mercy Me – Finally Home

The other day when I was at the hospital, one of the nurses was saying how they had the first case of Guillian Barre Syndrome locally that she ever seen. She was saying how she didn’t think he would get to where he would be able to walk again. He was paralyzed from the waist on down. I told her that I was paralyzed from the forehead to my feet, she was surprised by that. She never said who he was or any details, but I am thankful that I have been given the chance to share with those who deal with this or other life altering events that God is there in during the darkest moments.

When people say to me that it was God who could have prevented this from happening to me and they are right. But, God always has a higher purpose in my life and in everyone’s life. God sent His Son Jesus because He loves me and He loves you. Because of my experiences, I have able to share with others that there is hope. A diagnosis doesn’t change that purpose. I have talked to many who have had GBS and other debilitating illnesses and they can make it if they trust God. If it wasn’t for having the experiences I have had, I wouldn’t have had the opportunities to get to know others who have similar health issues.

I want to add that when I read about God’s promises in the Bible, there is hope through faith. Even though I continue to have a number of residuals from Guillian Barre Syndrome I have no doubt that God allows things to happen for a reason, even when I don’t understand fully.

 I would like to leave you all with an image that shows what happens with Guillian Barre Syndrome. If anyone has these symptoms, please have them checked out. I would also like to say that no two cases of Guillian Barre Syndrome is the same. While some will completely recover, you will find those who didn’t fully recover. I’vehad GBS since 1980 and I still deal with the residuals from it.

My full diagnosis is Guillian Barre Syndrome (CIPD variant), Myasthenia Gravis, Malignant Hypertension, My blood pressure daily runs into the 260/130 range give or take. I use a cpap machine, but it isn’t for sleep apnea. I have to use it for Cheyennes Stokes respiration. By all accounts, I should not be here, but I am still. My prognosis is poor. In all honesty, when my Dr’s deliver this kind of news, it doesn’t bother me anymore.The reason I say that is that I know that God isn’t finished me either.Just like anybody else, we all will die.  People ask me all the time about if it is OK for them to pray for me and of course that is a yes. I do make sure to let them know that when praying for me to make sure they pray for what God’s will is through all of this.I pray for my health, but I focus more on the return of Christ, since that is the truest kind of healing that anyone can have.

God has blessed me beyond measure. He has put the right people in my life when I needed them most. What it is that is wrong. This is a loaded question that is difficult to answer. I will give a short description, but it may confuse ya more…

Myasthenia Gravis (MG) -What is myasthenia gravis (MG)? Myasthenia gravis (pronounced My-as-theen-ee-a Grav-us) comes from the Greek and Latin words meaning “grave muscular weakness.” The most common form of MG is a chronic autoimmune neuromuscular disorder that is characterized by fluctuating weakness of the voluntary muscle groups

  • Cheyne-Stokes Respiration, Cheyne-stokes respiration is an abnormal pattern of breathing which occurs in patients with congestive heart failure, neurological diseases, and central sleep apnea. The breathing pattern is increased and decreased gradually like tidal volume with periods of sleep apnea. Cheyne-stokes respiration is caused by the failure of the respiratory center in the brain to compensate quickly for changing serum partial pressure of carbon dioxide and oxygen. This abnormal breathing pattern can be seen in patients with head injuries, strokes, and brain tumors.
  • Malignant Hypertension:  My blood pressure is always extreme due to how my muscles work, or should I say they don’t work. They Dr’s have tried just about anything they could do, and my blood pressure is still in the 200/220 plus on a normal day. Most day’s it gets even higher than that.
  • Although it’s not common, some people with high blood pressure may have a rapid rise in blood pressure above 180/120 mm Hg. This is known as malignant hypertension. This condition is sometimes referred to as arteriolar nephrosclerosis.Malignant hypertension requires immediate medical attention. If you don’t get emergency treatment, you may develop serious health problems, such as a heart attack, stroke, or kidney failure which is a constant concern for my Dr’s and nurses.

    I also have issues with the heat. There are some who knows that I hate it when the summer time gets here. That’s because the heat does something to my muscles and reacts in a negative way from the Myasthenia Gravis. I can’t count how many times I have gone into the hospital because of a Myasthenic Crisis. Most times it’s because of the heat.

    Just last week my Dr’s and I were talking about the whole prognosis and treatment plan. They are at a lost and they have told me to tell my friends and family that if I don’t wake up one day then to let them know that the Drs tried everything and not much more can be done besides keeping me comfortable. I did make sure to tell them that. Since my blood pressure has been climbing more and more and it is getting more difficult to breathe, I’m pretty sure things aren’t looking good. But, I have chosen to not dwell on those things each and every day. Worrying about the when and where’s health wise can cause a slippery slope when it comes to when it comes to fully trusting in God.

    If you have questions that you would like me answer, feel free to ask away. Sometimes I may take a while to reply, but I will for sure.  I have posted some of the warning signs for GBS…Remember that not all people have the exact same case. But this is a good list when it comes to the warning signs for Guillian Barre Syndrome.

    Guillain-Barre syndrome often begins with tingling and weakness starting in your feet and legs and spreading to your upper body and arms. In about 10 percent of people with the disorder, symptoms begin in the arms or face. As Guillain-Barre syndrome progresses, muscle weakness can evolve into paralysis.

    Signs and symptoms of Guillain-Barre syndrome may include:

    • Prickling, “pins and needles” sensations in your fingers, toes, ankles or wrists
    • Weakness in your legs that spreads to your upper body
    • Unsteady walking or inability to walk or climb stairs
    • Difficulty with eye or facial movements, including speaking, chewing or swallowing
    • Severe pain that may feel achy or cramp-like and may be worse at night
    • Difficulty with bladder control or bowel function
    • Rapid heart rate
    • Low or high blood pressure
    • Difficulty breathing

    The last thing I want to say is that no matter what is going on in your life, God is there for you. All you have to do is ask. God loves you so much that He sent Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. If you have moments or situations going on in your life, God is there for you. Things are much easier to handle if you know you have God on your side. He won’t turn His back in you ever.