Is It OK to Ask My Pastor…?


In my past blog I was talking about a sweet little lady named Dena and how she didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to Pastor Ellis Keck. This was around 15 yrs ago. We had many conversations that were based on the End Times. I suggested talking to Pastor went to Pastor Ellis and Dena didn’t want that all.

If you haven’t read that one yet, it was about how Dena and I would have many discussions about the Trinity and other faith-based questions. This post is about is it OK to talk to your pastor or church leader? I want to let those that I go to church with that this is NOT about Pastor Ray and it isn’t about those that goes to my church. I don’t want people from church reading too much into this blog post and making it something that it isn’t.

When I told Dena that we could go talk to Pastor Keck, she was pretty adamant about my question lol. She said without batting an eye “NO”. How could I argue with that answer. I did venture into that territory and she told me that she didn’t want to sound stupid. Okay, I can get that.  Because of this question is what got me thinking about what prevents people from going to their pastor or church leader.

As I was talking to Dena about there were two specific things I thought about and those would be questioning Your Pastor and ministering to your pastor. This first thing I want to cover is asking your pastor questions.

For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you— that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine. (Romans 1:11-12)

Is it OK to Question My Pastor?

  •  Misunderstandings: I don’t know about you, but there are times I need to have my pastor clarify something in his sermon. He would say something with a not so every day word and I had no clue what he was asking about. There is nothing wrong with talking to the pastor in order to understand things  better. It’s better to ask your pastor what he meant instead of second guessing him.
  • Meetings: I can’t stand church meetings. I stopped going to them a long time. There was a time that they would dragged them on and it would take them all afternoon. Last week my church did the quarterly meeting. My own person thought on these are that they already know if something will pass. By the end of the meetings, I was done. If they need my vote, I will vote by proxies, but the rest I want no part of. For me it is like a gaggle of people trying to speak and nobody is listening. I know church business needs to be done, but it seems as if they have a hard time sticking to the matter at home.
  • Listen and Pay Attention: I don’t know about anyone else’s pastor/pastors, but ours went to seminary and have graduated. If you have a problem that you need to discuss I know my pastor would listen if you give him a chance. There has been some people who have been attached to the hip of a previous pastor. If you have a problem then go to him since it is better to hear it from the horse’s mouth instead of hearing it second-hand.
  • It’s OK to Question the Pastor: No pastor should ever say, “Who are you to question me?” My pastor has no problem with people coming into the office. If you disagree with something he has said or done, let him know.  If you don’t say something there is no way for him to know. I know my pastor and I would think your;s would be thankful for coming to him over whatever the problem may be. If you don’t agree with how he is interpreting the Bible, pull up your big boy or girls panties and ask.
  • Speak to the Pastor: I know without a doubt that my pastor would prefer to have someone come to him directly if they have any questions, observations  Most pastors are more than happy when people come with questions, thoughts or observations even if you have prepared a fabulous speech and you are prepared to get vocal he will listen . Even when someone expresses themselves in anger there’s probably something the pastor really needs to consider.
  • Gossip is destructive to a church:  When we gossip it acts James puts it this way

    James 3:6-  “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.” The tongue can be used for good and for evil. It can tear down and destroy anything that is good.

If you are one of those people, and I am guilty of this too that likes gossip, then it needs to stop. If you hear someone gossiping and you are listening to them, then walk away and stop. If makes you just as much guilty if you are listening.If you continue to do these things, then the enemy (Satan) will be given a foothold in any church.

Supporting Your Pastor

Romans 1:8-12. Paul is saying this to the church:First, I thank my God through Jesus Christ for all of you, because your faith is proclaimed in all the world. For God is my witness, whom I serve with my spirit in the gospel of his Son, that without ceasing I mention you always in my prayers, asking that somehow by God’s will I may now at last succeed in coming to you. For I long to see you, that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to strengthen you—that is, that we may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith, both yours and mine.

Have you ever considered that it is our responsibility to be there for our pastor and to minister them. I’m not talking about standing in front of the church and giving a sermon. What I am talking about how it is our responsibility to pray for our pastors and to encourage them. About 4 years ago, I think it has been that long at least. But my friend that was, and let me repeat that word, she was the pastor at a Methodist church. I say the word was because she was forced out of the church because she also had a life outside of the church. She had a boyfriend and she enjoyed to what everyone else did. She enjoyed life.  It is our responsibility to be there for our pastors. The reason for this is because they are just as much of a human as anyone of us. They also carry additional burdens because of his/her calling. Have you ever really taken into consideration what pastors do? Right now, my pastor has been additional struggles because his wife is undergoing cancer treatment. I want to cover what it is that pastors do and these are things my pastor does each and every week.

  • He prepares sermons each week and they don’t always come easy. It isn’t like the sermon notes get automatically delivered to him by a cute little dove that God sent. Instead of a green branch the sermon notes arrive instead. Of course you know I’m not serious. But, the messages we hear each and every Sunday are messages that Pastor Ray spent days on.  Not all messages and sermons come easily.
  • When we have trials and temptations, it is natural to call up Pastor Ray and let him know what is gong on. If either myself or another person at my church has a problem or get admitted into the hospital, he is there when there is a need. Who is it that pastors goes to when they are sick or may be dying. Who is it that it there to pray with them and for them.?
  • If we are feeling like we aren’t feeling like we want to go to church, what does pastors do if they aren’t feeling it. I know there has been times when my pastor has come to church sicker than a dog. Since he is the pastor there isn’t anyone there that can fill in for him in a pinch.

What Can We Do?

Did you know that there are a number of things we can do that will ease the burden our pastor,

  • I can’t say this enough, but we can pray for our pastors each and every day. If you can’t remember, then write it down. Lately my pastor has been going through some tough patches in his life and his wife is also. Pastor Ray and Kathi needs prayers for their health. Pastors are coming under-fire lately. Satan has been targeting our pastor and church and they could use a ton of prayers.
  • Nothing weighs heavier on a pastor’s heart than when his people don’t grow in faith, love, and righteousness.
  • We can encourage and be there for them. A lot of times people forget that the pastor and his family.  Let your pastor know that you appreciate them and what they have done in the church. If your pastor is like mine, I know he would appreciate a hot meal or maybe take them out to dinner.
  • I would say that one of the best ways to help your pastor is to be there for him and to be Christlike.

Philippians 2:2-3n (NIV)then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

Closing Prayer to the Pastors

Heavenly Father, I come to you to ask for Pastor Ray, Kathi and all of the pastors that are in need of protection from the attacks from Satan. I come to you to give Pastor Ray, Kathi and all of the other pastors  all over the world. Satan loves to whisper in the ears and hearts of those who are listening to the sermons. Lord I come to you and plead that pastors near and far to stand firm as they continue to serve.

My Friend Dena

Lately I’ve been thinking about my friend Dena Allen. When we first moved to St. George and started at St. George Community Church, Dena was one of the first people we met.

Dena is the little lady that has the glasses that have the tan lenses. There are so many dear freinds in this picture. Most of them are with the Lord now. 

Dena and I would talk for hours about many topics, but our favorite topic was about the Bible. Dena was a widow and she had one son named Howard. Howard passed away a couple of years before Dena did. Dena died on On Nov. 8, 2007 which was 9 yrs ago and she is dearly missed. There aren’t many at my church that remembers Dena and there aren’t many that she opened up to on a personal level.


Dena was a smoker and she wouldn’t invite people to her house because she was afraid of what they would think if they knew she smoked. I don’t think she understood that everyone knew that already because a non smoker can smell cigarette smoke just by standing next to them. Dena also had grey hair, but she had a yellow streak at the front of her hair lol. I told her that I am sure they know she smokes because of these two things. I also told her that if they want to visit her, it isn’t because of her smoking or not smoking. They are there to visit her, not her bad habit. I then told her that I had enough of my own bad habits. She was relieved and after that she didn’t try to hide the obvious.

After I got to know her I asked her why it was that she didn’t talk to people like she talked to me. I think I knew more about Dena that most people at church. They seen the Dena that came to church early on Sunday mornings. Dena was at every Bible study and she was the chairman of the Sunshine Team. What that means is that she would write letters and send cards to those who have birthdays, are sick, loss of a loved one and just because. That’s the Dena that most seen. But, not the Dena I saw.

The Dena I saw was a sweet lady who had a great love for the Lord. She knew the Bible inside and out, even though there were some topics she would get stumped on. I will be covering some of that in my next blog. Dena asked me a couple of years before she died if I would help her write her story so she could pass it on to her family after she was gone. Of course I said yes. I was honored to have been able to help her with that.

Miss Dena  taught the 3rd or 4th grade for thirty plus years, she taught at Canton Elementary School in Pennsylvania. She loved learning.  Dena’s faith was very strong and deep. Dena loved to educate and serve others. I have one of her Bibles and I love it. She had handwriting on most pages. I could tell what she was studying because of her little notes on the side.

Dena was married for about 44 or 45 years to Frank. I believe he passed away in 89. I never got the opportunity to meet him. I have heard good things about him. Dena also had a son named Howard, however he passed away a year or two before she did. His death broke her spirit. Because of her son Howard her life was troubled.

Some interesting things about Dena loved to do.

Her greatest love is the Lord. She loved to study the Bible. She loved to study anything that is related to her faith. She relied on God during her good and bad times. The reason her life was difficult towards the end is because her son Howard was addicted to drugs. He would harass her because he needed his next fix. He shot up Heroin. She would give him money because she feared him, but she loved him. I would think any parent would feel that way.  She didn’t understand that by giving him money left and right that she was enabling him and putting a nail in his coffin. I tried to explain this to her in a way that wouldn’t scare her. How do you tell a mother who loves her only son so much that she wouldn’t give him money. Howard eventually died from his addiction. I know this sounds bad, but his death saved her life. Even though she didn’t see it that way.

As I was helping her write her biography, I was shocked with some of the things she was telling me.

Dena always beat me at Scrabble. She knew words I never heard of lol. 

About Dena

  1. Dena grew up in Canton, PA. She had a number of brothers and a sister. Dena was the smallest of the pack. Her dad went blind when she was little. Which made it hard on the family.
  2. Dena loved to do genealogy. She had documents and such that blew my mind. She literally had an old trunk that was on the Mayflower.
  3. One day Dena’s dad received a telegram from the Army saying that her brother died due to spinal meningitis. Dena also possessed many documents that were related to the Mormon church. She did live far from where the Book of Mormon was transcribed. It was close to Manchester NY. Since she lived so close to the Hill in Cumorah . She told me one day that the Mormons would have loved to have had the original documents that she had.  She even had an original Book of Mormon  from 1837 and if I can read my scribble notes from some of our conversations it was  published by a place or person with the last name of Pratt and Goodson and it was out of Ohio. Dena was interested in these articles and books because of where she lived and because she was a teacher. She loved history and felt it needed to be preserved. Even though she wasn’t LDS, she knew that all history was preserved.
  4. Dena and I would talk about what we would like to do for our church if we passed away or when we did. She did leave a good amount for my church. She tithed each and every week and she even made sure to have her final tithe of 10 percent of her estate to go to the church. She wanted to make sure that the money would go for something educational, but I’m not sure what it went for. Even in death, Dena made sure to do what God instructed her to do and for all of us to do.
  5. Scrabble was her game of choice. I always thought I was good at it, she was awesome. I guess she would have been better since she was a school teacher lol. I don’t think I ever won a game of Scrabble against her. I learned really fast to never challenge her. She was a walking, talking and breathing encyclopedia.
  6. Dena loved going on car rides. We would take her to Leeds where she use to live. She loved it. While we were out and about we would go out to lunch or dinner. I always laughed when she would tell me that she has watch her collateral since she had an issue with it. Dena was under 100 pounds soaking wet and I told her that she could live dangerously and have a piece of pie lol. She would then tell me, “I guess you are right.”
Night Time Loneliness is heartbreaking (image is public domain) 

Dena had a really hard time sleeping at night. She told me that she never had that problem before, but since her husband died, she would lay awake for hours.  Since I was awake anyhow she and I would chat. It would be anywhere between 1 and 2 in the morning before our conversations ended. When my mother in law came to live with my husband and I, she would have a hard time also. He mind would wander to when my father in law was still alive.


One of those conversations was about the Trinity. She and I would scour through the Bible looking for answers that satisfied our curiosity.

Oh boy could we go on about this topics for hours. We were looking though the Bible to find the answer. Both of us had the same problem when it came to the trinity. These conversations went on for hours. One night I told her that we should stop guesstimating because we should talk to the pastor. I can’t even explain the look on her face lol .  That was NOT the answer she wanted to hear.

I told her that Ellis would be more than OK helping us with the dilemma. She said that she didn’t want to ask him because she didn’t want to sound stupid. She was intimidated when it came to asking about things in the Bible since she should know the answer. Especially since she was also a Sunday School teacher. I understood where she was coming from. I dropped the subject at that point.

6362219394896639099425283_TrinityI told Dena the way that I always think about the Trinity and if anyone wants to chime in, you can do that. But, I always thought about how we have God, who is well, God. Then we have Jesus, who is of God, but He is still the Son of God. Then you have the Holy Spirit which is of God and Jesus. So, I told Dena that in my mind it is like I am Jessica’s mom. She is my daughter and I gave birth to her. While I gave birth to her and we shared the same blood, she is still Jessica. She has her own personality, but she will always be of me since I gave birth to her. Then you have the Holy Spirit, which I have a hard time explaining that in my brain and so did Dena. I told Dena that maybe it isn’t really that important. Well it is, but that is one of those things that I just have to have faith in and know that however it works, it works.

Instead of us asking Ellis what it was that he meant during the sermon, we just put it at the back of our minds. But, the subject ate at both of us for a long long time and it does for me to this day. I wonder if others have this same issue with the Trinity.  While I don’t have a problem asking my pastor questions, some people do have a problem doing that. If your pastor makes you feel stupid, maybe you should find a new pastor.

hard-of-hearingOne of the things that I noticed with Dena and with many older people is that she had a hard time hearing. I have issues with this also. But, Dena wouldn’t admit that she couldn’t hear everything that was being said. This was in part why she didn’t want to talk to Pastor Keck. I will be doing a follow-up blog about not hearing conversations fully which causes a whole other set of problems such as getting only part of a conversation or not hearing complete words. This was the main reason for her not wanting to go to the pastor.

When I became the youth director at my church I started up a program called “Adopt a Grandparent.” When I worked at a care center in Illinois, I did this also. My daughters were the only children at our church. Eventually we ended up with about 30 kids and we would assign one child/teen to a senior citizen. Since I was already spending time with Dena, I assigned myself to her. It was one of the most amazing relationships I formed at the church. The youth at the church loved it as well. These seniors were able to share their life and experiences with the younger generation.

My church had many single ladies and gentlemen. Most rarely got to see their own grandchildren. So this was a way to help fill that void. Dena was telling me one day that the program made an incredible difference in her life. She felt like someone was listening.

challengeMy Challenge to You… 

I would like to challenge anyone reading this blog to take a moment and think about those people in your church, neighborhood and so on to get to know them. Not only do they benefit, but so does the children.

Even if they are hard to understand and they are slower, your life will be enriched greatly. I wouldn’t change anything about my many hours spend talking to Dena Allen. When I think about Dena I think about how she blessed my life in more ways than I can count.

In my next blog it will be a continuance of this in a sense. But, it will be about is there anything that would keep you from asking your pastor a question? I have a poll going right now to see if people feel comfortable or not. Dena had a hard time because she didn’t want to sound stupid. When in reality it was because she was hard of hearing which prevented her from understanding the messages. So, that is the next blog post.

In closing I want to just add that it is important to listen to those who are senior citizens. I will carry Dena’s stories and her life history with me always. You never know what a person has been through unless you take the time to listen and learn.


Prayers for Our Pastors

This blog is longer than many of mine, but it is very important. I hope you all read it to the end. My friend Lisa will usually close it if it is to long. I hope people don’t do that.

In my churches bulletin this announcement was included. I have posted a blog about this post a few years ago, but it is worth doing another blog on “Praying for our Pastors.” This is the announcement;


PRAY FOR OUR PASTORS: 97% of pastors have been betrayed, falsely accused, or hurt by their trusted friends. 70% of pastors battle depression. 7,000 churches close each year. 1,500 pastors will quit each month. 10% will retire as a pastor. 80% of pastors feel discouraged. 94% of pastor’s families feel the pressure of ministry. 78% of pastors have no close friends. 90% of pastors report working 55-75 hours per week. PRAY FOR OUR PASTORS.

Eph 4:11-16 (NKJV) “And He Himself gave some to be apostles, some prophets, some evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ,  till we all come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to a perfect man, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ; Read More… 


I have known a number of pastors in my life who have quit their positions because of either depression, fighting and not having the support of the church.  Pastors and church leaders are exhausted, frustrated and they are discouraged. Pastors are leaving the church left and right. If you can’t figure out why, I would say look around you. I know I am guilty on numerous occasions where I pushed one of more of my pastors. I’m headstrong and I don’t like to be wrong. Hmmmm, I may need to make an image that says that. But anyhow. I am argumentative and I go out of my way to prove a point. Hopefully I haven’t caused my pastor to many grey hairs.

1 Timothy 2:1-2

I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.

A good friend of mine that was a pastor in Wisconsin ended up leaving the church because of personal attacks from the church where she was pastoring.  I have known her for a long time and felt horrible for her.

One of my pastors I had growing up ended up leaving the church. He felt like he wasn’t reaching people anymore. I have been at my church since 1995 and  while most are loving and kind. Every now and then there seems to be someone who causes conflict. I don’t think the post in our bulletin was specifically about just our pastor, but pastors all over.  Pastors and their families need encouragement just as much as those who are attending their church.

It’s a no brainer that Pastors and church leaders have people who will blame him/her for everything. It’s not uncommon to hear people criticize and find fault in anything a pastor does. I always think about what our previous pastor would say and it is so true. He would warn people before the sermon to “not shoot the messenger.” I can see why he would say that since people will disagree and start trouble because they don’t want to know what God says, they want things sugar-coated and they don’t want to hear the truth. When they hear something they don’t like, they jump the ship.

Since pastors are experiencing burn out and frustrations there are things we can do to help them.  As Christians, we should feel sorrow for the pastors and church leaders. I guess I feel bad for them because they are there to serve us and to deliver the Word of God. Maybe I see things in a different way, but I would think that God wants is to hurt and criticize our pastors. One of my friends who was a pastor told me that it is the ones who claim to be Christians are the ones who caused him to leave the ministry. You just can’t be everything to everyone.

There are many things that I have gotten bent out of shape because I didn’t like the message. I don’t like being corrected and called out. I don’t like being called out for doing things that I shouldn’t have been doing to begin with. I’m not into the whole humble pie kind of thing, but, I know that whichever pastor was talking to me was saying what I needed to hear.

The Way of Love

1 Cor. 13:1-13

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Read More… 

What is it that we can do for Pastors and church leaders?

  1.  Pray for Our Pastors and Their Families

blogger-image-1216846361We can pray for our pastors and his family. Commit yourself to praying for them on a daily basis. Send them a message letting them know you are praying or go to your prayer closet. They are there for us, we should be there for them. My pastor has answered his phone night and day when I needed him. When I was in the hospital, he was there. When my mom was dying his wife Kathi went out of her way to create prayer cards. The least I can do is pray, pray and pray. Anyone can pray for their pastors. They are needed of prayers just like we all are. Pastor’s and their families are just like yours and mine. They struggle with similar issues and problems.I would like to say that most of those at my church are always praying for our pastor and his family.

If we expect our pastors ministry to be effective, they are in need and rely on prayers.  I don’t know about you, but I prefer to have a pastor that is joyful and is led by the Spirit of God over a pastor that has no joy or peace.  I also feel that pastors who are confident will led the congregation they are shepherding into a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and has a passion for revival and reaching the lost. During some conversations with my pastor, on numerous times he has spoken about how we need a revival and we need to reach the lost and pray for the lost. I’m not talking about the kind of revival that takes place in a tent.  We need to revive God’s spirit in the soul of America?

Pastors and church leaders need others to come stand by and with them and commit to fervent, continuous prayer so that the enemy (Satan) doesn’t win. Anytime there is fighting and bickering, it is another win for the enemy.

A Note Of Encouragement For Pastors – Truth In Grace throughout Encouraging Quotes For Pastors

Encourage Our Pastors

People are all gung ho when it comes to criticizing and play the blame game. I am guilty of that also. Some of the things people have done that are discouraging is by emailing hurtful messages and talking to others about how they aren’t the same as previous pastors or their old pastors.  I wouldn’t think people at my church would do that. But, you never know. They didn’t word something the right way or whatever. They expect the pastor(1 man) to be perfect to all people. I call it the “stroking of the egos”.  If you are going to church to have your egos stroked, you’re not there for the right reason. Instead of criticizing you can be one of those people who look for ways to encourage him/her and to be more positive instead of negative.  Every  now and then it may be nice to write a personal note and let them know you are praying for them. I know my pastor would appreciate it and I know others would also.

You can encourage the pastor is by telling him if the sermon or message he shared helped you. Because of my health issues, it is hard for me to get to church each Sunday, but I do listen to the online sermons when Pastor Ray uploads them. There are times the message seemed like it was meant for me. God knew I needed to hear this message. If you have had a message that has helped you, let your pastor know. Even when I didn’t particularly liked the message he shared, I benefited from it. God knew I needed to hear what Pastor Ray shared and I needed to hear it. If your pastors message spoke to you, let him know.

(1 Thessalonians 5:12, 13)

We ask you, brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Be at peace among yourselves”.


Get To Know Your Pastor

When Pastor Ray and his wife Kathi moved to our town and became our new pastor, I invited them out to dinner to get to know them. It wasn’t just me, but others did as well. I did this also with past pastors and their families as well and so did others. I don’t want people to look at me and say oh she is good and trying to be all that. The reason I mention this is that I think everyone should take the time to get to know our pastors and church leaders. It’s important to get to know them not just because of his position. I personally feel it is important to get to know them as a person.

Think about this for a second or think about the times you may have moved to a new city where you didn’t know anyone. I don’t know if many realizes that being a pastor can be a lonely job. People have high expectations. You didn’t know where things were. You didn’t have any friends or family there, unless you are moving to a town where you lived before.  You are moving into a strange place. For those who have never lived in Utah, it is a whole other world. It took us a long time to get use to how things work here.

By getting to know Pastor Ray and Kathi on a personal and friend level I was able to learn that they love sports and they love basketball. They have a wonderful sense of humor and a love of music. Pastor Ray writes his own music and plays piano. He is a very humble and prayer oriented pastor. They love their children and grandchildren. They are very kind and wear their hearts on their sleeves. Kathi loves to craft and cook. Kathi loves chocolate and Ray loves his Keurig and coffee that is strong (yuck) lol. I would encourage everyone to get to know their pastors. Most of all, I found out how awesome they are and how much they love the Lord and serving others.

3. Submit to The Pastors Leadership

I don’t know if you realize this or not, but pastors are human and they do get hurt when people don’t listen and ignore what  they have done a sermon on and people ignore it. One of my pastor friend told me that while he is up they’re doing the sermon that he spent a great deal of time preparing by praying and putting together and they look out to the congregation and see people in the pews with blank faces. They “blow off” the Word of God because they don’t like what is said, which also hurts the congregation since it causes a great division.

Oh boy, this is one of those loaded things that I think and have observed to be a pretty major issues. I am sure I am guilty on this one. I like things my way and I don’t like waiting for something to happen. My previous pastor and I would butt heads every now and then on this one. I wanted to do things that would bring in younger people to our church. I asked him about doing things in the parking lot, maybe adding a more contemporary service, BBQ’s and so on. When he told me that we have to do things in God’s timing and for me to hold my horses, let’s say I was NOT impressed. He would tell me that we have to wait and wait and wait. At least I seen it that way. lol. He knew if I was heading into his office, I had a tablet all laid out to show him my point of view. I was ready to battle it out, lol.

But, over time and a number of head butts, I had to realize that the Bible is pretty direct on how we must submit to the authority of the church. And since I’m a member of the church and I know that if it is in the Bible, there is nothing to argue about. God’s Word is God’s Word. While I don’t like that the Bible says that I must submit to the authority, then there is no choice. I want to just point out that if your pastor or church leader isn’t using the Bible and they are abusive, then you shouldn’t even be going to that church.

Obey your leaders and submit to them, for they are keeping watch over your souls, as those who will have to give an account. Let them do this with joy and not with groaning, for that would be of no advantage to you” (Hebrews 13:17).


 Ask How You Can Serve?

For those who goes to any church or are a part of an organization, I am sure it is hard to get people to volunteer. I would say that only 10 percent volunteer. That puts a strain on churches. Church Leaders are having to do it all. One volunteer does what normally 8 people should be doing. If you aren’t serving already, maybe you can ask someone such as the pastor or church leader if there is a place where you can serve. People think they have to do big things that take a ton of time. But, there are so many positions and things that can be done from home.  For example, I do our churches website and I do our churches power-point. I enjoy doing it and since I have many medical issues, they are things I can do at home and take my time doing it. Plus, it helps me from focusing on my medical things and my limitations.

My mother in law while she was alive wanted to do something, but she didn’t drive. She felt like she was worthless and could be of no use to the church.  I sat down and talked to her about the reality of how anyone can serve.

One of the best ways to grow personally, and at the same time help your church grow, is to find a place where your spiritual gifts, capacity and interests can make a unique contribution to what Jesus wants to do through you and through your church. Just because a person may have a handicap or a senior citizen, there is always something you can do. If you’re breathing, you can do something. Below are areas that anyone can serve in.

  1. Praying for one another
  2. Send out get well cards or send a positive message to someone who may need to know someone cares.
  3. Cook a meal
  4. Visit with someone who is in a care center or a shut in
  5. Fold bulletins
  6. Join a team at church. We have a number of teams at our church that could use members.
  7. If you have an idea about what you would like to do, you can talk to the pastor or church leader.
  8. You can usher and greet people as they come through the door. That is one of the most important area to volunteer. Usually the first impressions happen as they are greeted.





Since this blog has gotten to be longer than I intended it to be I want to add this last section and that is that people should be talking honestly to the pastor and not about the pastor.

Honesty and Gossip Needs to Stop


Decisions have to be made and not all of them are changes I like. If there is something that I have questions about, I know that my pastor is great about discussing them. If anyone has a problem with their pastor or church leader it is better to go to them and not go behind his or her back and talk to someone else about him or her. If you disagree about something, it is best to go to the source. Otherwise you are getting half-truths.

gossipI don’t think people realize that it is a sin to gossip and talk about others. It can damage and destroy a church body faster than nothing. There are always going to be disagreements. The pastor we had before Pastor Ray and I would have many conversations. He would say something that didn’t sound right and I had to ask him point-blank on what he meant. Once he explained his point of view, I still disagreed in part, but I respected his point of view.

Pastor Ray and I had a conversation a year ago about something that was going on at church. It was something that caused a great division. During our conversations he was saying that he wished people would come directly to him if they had a problem instead of talking to others and getting upset.  9 times out of 10, it was because of a misunderstanding that got blown out of proportion.

For example, during one of the Bible Studies I was at, things were taken the wrong way. There was a conversation that was going on prior to the beginning of the lesson. I came into the conversation late and so did a few others. But, the conversation was hurtful one to some of them.  Since a couple of the people were late, they only heard the part that seemed hateful and demeaning. The person speaking didn’t have all of the details  and things blew up. It was a hard night that caused some to leave the church and not return. All because of misunderstandings and not going to the person to find out what really went on.

If you or anyone has a problem with a pastor or church leader, please go to them directly. Don’t listen to those around you. By the time you hear what is being said, the story could have changed 10 of more times again. If you have ever played the whisper game, you know what I mean.

I just want to say that we need to be there for our pastors and church leaders. We need to keep ourselves in check and not expect to have our egos stroked. If you are at church to hear what you think you want to hear, then you are at the wrong church. My pastor uses the Bible only. If you don’t want to listen to the Word of God and to learn, then you are in the wrong place. I know my pastor would relish the opportunity to hear what anyone is bothered by and to have the opportunity to genuinely listen to you.

08-17-15-essentials-for-living-don-t-let-gossip-destroy-your-relationships_miniPastors can’t read your mind and by talking to your pastor directly, you can be assured and come to a mutual understanding and respect for one another. Otherwise, stop gossiping and talk to the source. Gossiping has destroyed lives and has caused churches to close their doors. I know for myself, I would hate to have been the person to gossip about our pastor or church leaders and my words led to them closing the door or quitting their positions. Think about what you say to others, it is hurtful.

The whisper game is where a person whispers something in a persons ear, and then they whisper it into the next persons ear and so on. Finally by the time it gets to the end, the story has changed drastically. Most pastors want to hear from people who have issues or questions with something at the church. Most would relish the opportunity to genuinely hear what is bothering you and to have the chance to both genuinely listen and share concerning your issue so the two of you can have mutual understanding and respect for each other.

  • Proverbs 11:13 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.
  • Proverbs 17:9 Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
  • Proverbs 20:19 Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with a simple babbler.

In closing I want to leave you with this.

There are a lot of other things that could be said, but I will stop with these six. Let me say it again, “Your pastor and Our needs YOU!”


Prayers Needed For a Sick Friend



Without going into a great deal of information since this is a personal matter. I have a number of friends and family members who have had their lives turned upside down because of cancer. My mom died a couple of years ago and a cousin of mine (Mike Elder) recently passed away.  My friend Lisa found out her mom has cancer I would say about 8 months ago. And also some good friends of mine and her husband are facing some difficult days. They are having to go out-of-state to for her to get treatment which means all their friends and family members can’t be there with them.

If those who know who it is that I am talking about, you are more than welcome to comment on this post and share a prayer. All I ask is to not mention them by name since I think it is important to respect their privacy.

Since I was a teenager I have had some serious and life threatening illnesses and diseases and I still do. While I have constantly been dealing with this auto-immune diseases and have come to terms, it isn’t always easy for those around me. This blog isn’t a post about me, it is a post about how awesome God is. It is about how when you pray for healing and strength, you are coming to God completely. When we completely surrender and let the Holy Spirit work in our lives, miraculous healing will happen.

share-odb-2017-07-15Gods plan is to give each and every one of us hope. When I felt like I was alone and nobody could understand what I was going through, God did. His love and Grace has ALWAYS been present.  I pray that you will find miraculous healing as you seek God’s plan for your life –  I have some very near and dear friends who are in need of some pretty major prayers. My friend’s wife is being treated for cancer at this very moment. They have an enormous amount of faith in the Lord and they believe in miracles and they have placed all of their faith and hope at the foot of Jesus Christ.

Psalm 107:19-20
Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.

I would like to ask you all to pray for my friend and her family as they are in need of comfort and peace during this battle. They are in need of Your care. Be with them throughout this difficult journey. Lord Jesus, bring healing to her body and to their heart and soul. Be with their loved ones, family and friends as well. Thank You for being the Light in this dark world.


  • Lord Jesus, I would like to lift up all the cancer patients who are being treated for cancer, awaiting test results  and for those who are struggling with the loss of a loved one.  I pray Lord Jesus,  for all those who are handling their care and that you will be with the Dr’s, nurses and caregivers whom they will be coming into contact with. Also, Lord Jesus, please be with their families.
  • Lord, I pray for all the people who feel as if they are alone. Give them the comfort and wrap Your loving arms around them.  Let them know of Your presence and show them that You love them so much and You will be with them every step of the way. Heavenly Father, thank You for this day. Thank you for blessing us with the opportunity to serve you and share Your love with others.
  • Lord Jesus, Your Word speaks about the promises of healing and restoration and I want to thank you for all of the miracles you have performed in my life. Without Your love, healing and intervention, I would not be here right now. Today, I come to You on behalf of my friends and those who are struggling with sickness and life changing diseases and events. I believe 100 percent in the power of healing and I am here pleading on behalf of my friends that you being your mighty work in the life of my friends, family and care team. Could You reach down and surround my friend and those around her with peace and strength. My friend, her husband and those who loves her knows that with faith all things are possible. Protect her and shower her with love when she feels discouraged and we pray that her miraculous healing begins.

I know from my own experiences that there is no illness or disease that You cannot heal. I have seen this in my life over and over.  When a person is diagnosed with a disease like cancer or many other diseases that can take a person’s life, I have found that while it can change your life, it cannot take away the love and hope that God has given us.

When suffering comes, we can come to God and we can pour out our hearts to Him. He is with us through our pain and during our darkest moments. There is no illness or disease that can separate us from His love.


You are the greatest physician ever. You have the power to heal, love, protect and to show kindness. Lord Jesus, you are a miracle worker for those who are sick and for those who are lost. You Lord Jesus are the light of the world.

One of my favorite songs is called ,“Praise You In This Storm”, it is by Casting Crowns. This song has been a source of encouragement and peace. When I was having an especially difficult day, I would listen to this song over and over again. When I found myself in the hospital for weeks and months, this song helped me and I hope it helps others and I hope it encourages my friends.


If you are in need of prayers or if you would like to pray for others, you can comment on this post or you can post a prayer in one of our other blogs or our new Facebook page.

My Final Thought

Remember, you are not left alone. You will have the help you need. “My God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).

Let Your Light Shine

6101529775_6314c7cce0_bI have started up a new blog of sorts. This page is for anyone and I hope I can get the word out since everyone is so awesome on this blog and I have a many readers. I will just copy and paste part of the first page of the new blog, which also has Facebook connections. I’m not sure yet if people will read the blog more or if they will use Facebook more since it is easier for people to connect and respond to comments. Which ever way is fine. It is based on your personal choice.

Front Page of “Let Your Light Shine”

Click Here to subscribe and learn more… 

Recently I have been asked about sharing my personal testimony with others. I love to share my story about Jesus Christ, I have found that it isn’t the easiest thing to do. I think it is extremely important to think about my journey to Jesus.

I love blogging and I don’t seem to have a shortage of topics to share with others. While my thoughts are random, my faith in Jesus Christ isn’t. When it comes to sharing my walk with Christ, I want to be sure to use this opportunity to connect with the reader who is searching for truth.

Each and every persons testimony is unique and gives us more insight into our God has worked in each of our lives. My journey with Christ is life-changing and I hope that as people read my story that they will be willing to share their own walk with Christ.

While I will be sharing my own testimony and story with you all, my hope is that each person is willing to share their own walk with others.

We are told in The Bible says that Christians will produce fruit (John 15:8; Matthew 3:10). Your testimony may produce fruit for God’s kingdom. Even if you may think that your story is boring and that others may not be interested in hearing about how God is working in your life, it can’t be further from the truth. Don’t waste this opportunity.

God Bless,



Does God Love Democrats?

jeremiah-29-11 (1)

I don’t know about you or anyone else, but I can honestly say that I am getting sick of all of the hatred that is going on in our country. What is bothering me the most is what Christians are saying about those who they don’t agree with politically. Since I am  would consider myself an Independent/Unaffiliated I’m not taking sides one way or another.


I can’t even count how many horrible things that have been said about those who are Democrats. These comments are coming from those who profess to love the sinners, but hate the sins. It isn’t actually coming from one specific side, it is coming from so many. Some of the best God fearing friends I have and people of faith are Christians. Yep, there are even Pastors that are Democrats. Whew, I bet the earth shaked on that comment.


I don’t want anyone thinking I am siding with just the Democrats since all of this is coming from both parties and both should be ashamed of themselves. As a Christian I have a problem with comments such as these;

  • Liberals are ruining America
  • Liberals should go to Hell
  • Liberals should die
  • Liberals are evil
  • Liberals are stupid/dumb
  • Liberals are Hypocrite
  • Democrats Affirm Everything God Hates
  • Democrats they put the fear of God into you
  • Democrats are “The Party That Booed God

Democrats are saying these things about Republicans: 

  • Republicans are destroying America
  • America’s entire system of governance is being threatened by Republicans
  • Republicans are bad people
  • Republicans should burn and die
  • Republicans are working as the Devils Advocate
  • Republicans are bad for the economics


ere is this pastor that I have known since I was little and I am ashamed to even call him a pastor or a friend. I’m glad that he doesn’t live near me because I know I would have foot in mouth disease. As I read his comments, they make me wonder how many Christians believe the same thing he does. The comments that are posted on his Facebook wall demonstrate just how much hatred Christians have towards those who aren’t Republicans.

He has made comments on how all liberals have a special place in hell that is reserved just for them. If people don’t support Donald Trump then they are lovers of evil and are the same as Satan.  I called up a friend who is a democrat and a very strong Christian and told her what was said by this mutual pastor and she cried. She is a senior citizen and has been a Sunday School teacher for over 40 years. She doesn’t get online and she barely uses a cell phone. As I was reading what this pastor/friend said, her voice cracked. she couldn’t believe a Christian, much less a Pastor would say these things. She and I have always been able to sit down and have a conversation about our political views and our conversations has never gotten in the way of our friendship.

I asked her why she didn’t vote for Trump and I was surprised it was for the same reason why I didn’t. I refused to vote for him because of the way he treats women. She was and is still worried about her Social Security. She is in her 80’s and she doesn’t really have anything else.

Overall though for her it came down to the moral issue. I told her that was my main reason to. Morally, I couldn’t do it. The only thing I can say that was good about him and I think many Christians voted for him for this reason and that is because of the Supreme Court appointments. They also voted for him because of the Roe vs Wade case. Most Christians don’t want someone who is pro-choice. So, no-matter who is president, they wanted a pro-lifer in as the President. I get it, I totally understand that because I also believe that life begins at conception. But, how can someone vote for someone who has no respect for women. That’s what gets me.

My friend that goes to the Springs Church and I asked her if she was to hear that her pastor felt the same way as our mutual pastor friend, would she still go to church where she is at right now. She told me that she would stop going. The reason why which I totally get, because I feel the same way is that if you know the Pastor or church leader feels that some in the congregation are Satan’s spawn, then she would feel uncomfortable around them since they would think of her in that way just because she is a democrat or a “snowflake”. I hate that saying, not all democrats or independents are that thin skinned to think the world revolves around them. Meaning of Snowflke

I was talking to a number of people in private about this issue and how if I weren’t a Christian already, I would stay away from those people who spew hatred all over the place. I even talked to the person I am talking about and told him that what he is saying and doing would drive Christians away. I unfriended him on my Facebook and his view points actually make me sick to my stomach.

Even though he is retired now and not living around me, I want nothing to do with someone who is so filled with hatred. I would consider myself an Independent and I told him that I didn’t vote for Trump. I think that everyone has a right to vote for who they choose and for whatever reason that may be. I then went on to tell him that based on how he views anyone who doesn’t or didn’t vote for Trump must be Satan himself, then I have no room in my life for someone who feels that way.

I don’t think people should be acting the way they are right now and I don’t wish anyone any harm, not even Trump. Just because I voted for someone else, that doesn’t mean I am evil and the spawn of Satan. If my pastor felt this way about anyone at church that didn’t vote for the same person he did, I would no longer be going to church. Thankfully my pastor isn’t that way. He and I don’t always see eye to eye and that’s OK.

When I hear church leaders comment the way this retired pastor did, it makes me wonder who he is really serving. Is or does his church only have Republicans in it? Does those who attended his church put him up on the pedestal and think that he is just as good as God?

I don’t get into political conversations at church and I try to stay away from them for the most part. It’s as if there is a lynch mob mentality when it comes to who people voted for. And Lord help those who don’t agree that Donald is the epitome of all things good and righteous. I am being sarcastic, but it seems like for some that Trump can do nothing wrong. I think that all mankind does things wrong and I don’t trust any politician or those who think they have all of this power. I also don’t trust those who say, “believe me”. I have learned a long time ago that those who have to keep saying this, must be hiding something.

If it wasn’t for me wanting to vote in our state elections I would have voted for nobody for president since it doesn’t matter here in Utah. The race for president is called not even 5 minutes after the polls close. Nobody can tell me that my vote counts in Utah because it doesn’t. My vote does count for races in Utah though. When people say that it is important to go out and vote, let your voices be heard. Again, my thoughts are hogwash.  My vote won’t count in Utah unless we don’t have electoral college.

I have been holding my tongue on social media when it comes to all of the garbage that is being posted. It seems like only a very small amount is truth and people don’t bother checking to see if facts are facts. It is as if they are going for shock value alone and the truth doesn’t matter anymore.

When I see people post articles that says that they know it may not be true, but just in case it could be, they are sharing the story. Only to find that nothing was true about it and it is just shrugged off as something funny.

I can’t even count how many people I have placed on a restricted list on my Facebook. I didn’t block them since they are friends, but I refuse to listen to garbage and trashing of each other. If I was a democrat and I see what others say about them and they are Christians and pastors, I would stay away from those kind of people and I for sure would NEVER go to a church where people had that kind of vile hatred.

I’m beyond the whole “snowflake” conversation. Not all Democrats feels as if they are owed money and not all democrats are out there throwing temper tantrums. I actually have more friends that are Republicans that receive food stamp assistance, section 8 for housing, unemployment and they receive other welfare assistance. One person I have known for years can tell you every shortcut there is to get the most help from the government and she is a die-hard Republican and Trump supporter.

I am beginning to take things personal when it comes to the hatred people have towards one party or another. One of my long time friends that is also a Christian was talking to me about all of those ungrateful Democrats and how all of them should be sent back to Africa along with Obama since they must be Muslim like Obama presumably is, which I don’t think he is. But, any of those who didn’t vote for Trump should be sent back to Africa where they belong.

When I told them that I didn’t vote for Trump, they went on to assume I must be anti-American and that I didn’t believe in God.  Needless to say, they got an ear full. The sad part is that this is coming from a so-called friend that is Christian. They thought that since I am a Christian, I had to vote for Trump because all good Christians do that. I’m sorry, but I see nothing Christlike when it comes to this way of thinking.

I vote for the person, not the party. I really liked Kasich which is a Republican. His views line up with mine. Then they would say something to the effect of, “but you’re a Christian, you have to vote for him”. Just because I am a Christian, doesn’t mean I have to vote for him.  I can’t help but wonder what these people who say they ‘re Christian really are. I would say that I’m probably around 80 percent Republican and the other 20 percent is a mixture of this and that. Only God knows what is on their hearts and if they are believers or not.

I try to respect others and I feel that each and every person has a right to vote for who they choose like I said earlier. I honestly try to stay out of conversations when it comes to political views and for the most part, I don’t share images, memes or stories when it comes to politics. I don’t believe they are accurate at all.

My biggest issue I have is from those who are church leaders and supposed Christians. I can’t stand it when faith and politics comes into play. And it really bothers me the most when church leaders think it is OK to compare Democrats or others who don’t vote for Trump as Evil and Satan’s Spawn. Do they really see how un-Christlike they are. Some of the things that are being said reminds me of things that Westburo Baptist would say.

Is wish I still had the retired pastor on my Facebook so he would read this blog post. I don’t know if he subscribes to this blog or not, but I kind of hope so. I’m going to end this post since I am getting agitated and I now I’m repeating myself.


In closing, I just want to say that God loves all people and it doesn’t matter what political party you belong to. It only matters that you believe and have accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.

I have been over the past couple of weeks stopped watching to much of the news. I pay attention, but it has been to distracting. I have found that I have been paying more attention to worldly things instead of the important things like my walk with Christ and doing what is important. Since there is so much of the fake stuff going on Facebook, I figured I can read all about it since Facebook has all the real news lol

Little Eyes

Tonight I was watching “The Big Bang Theory”. I think this was the only one that I have seen that made me want to cry. If you don’t watch the Big Bang Theory it is about 4 nerds and a hot blonde. It is one of my favorite shows. The one I watched tonight on TBS was  where everyone was fighting and screaming and Sheldon was having a great deal of anxiety.

In this episode Leonard was upset with Penny because she was letting her ex-boyfriend come over and crash on her couch. Leonard already feels like he can’t compete for her love, even though they are dating. Click Here to watch the clip I am talking about in this blog post.

Sheldon didn’t have a normal childhood at all. His parents divorced and he never really had much of a relationship with his dad. With all of his friends fighting around him, he is feeling as if he is back at home.

Penny and Leonard Talking to Sheldon on Big Bang- Sheldon is the one sitting down. 

With nowhere else to go since everyone was fighting Penny and Leonard found him at the comic book store on the floor surrounded by piles of comic books and toy robots. The whole image of a grown man sitting on the floor blocking everyone out because he thinks he is at fault and they will leave him like his dad left him.Leonard and Penny went to him in a parental kind of way and explained to him that even though they may fight on occasion that they will love still love him.

I totally get why he wanted to escape all of the fighting. Anyone who has grown up in  a hostile environment will know what it means to feel scared and alone. It isn’t just memories of childhood that has a way of flooding your memories, it also happens to those who may be in a bad marriage, relationship and other situations.

People say all the times that “sticks and stones with break your bones, but words won’t hurt you.” I totally disagree with that. Words have a way of killing a persons spirit and they are carried throughout your life.

Fighting Good Or Bad? 

yI think it is healthy to argue, but not to the point of hurting each other. There is a difference between arguing and fighting. It’s better to let those around you know how you feel about something that has been bothering you. But, when it comes to holding onto those feelings for a long time will eventually blow up. When it gets to the point where you are being hateful and belittling someone, it is time to walk it out. I’m not the kind of person who lets things fester. It’s not a healthy option.

There have been times where I have tried to keep it inside and it turned out ugly. I ended up giving it to the person in full force. I hated myself for what I was saying, It has been over 20 yrs ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday. Like volcano’s, they will sit there dormant for a long time. Every now and then, you will see a bit of smoke and then all of a sudden, things are getting ugly. Things eventually took a turn for the worst and we are no longer friends because I let things go on for to long.

1231_DD_bullyingWhile I was watching the news, they were doing a story about a 10 yr old child who was being bullied at his school. He ended up taking his own life. The parents walk into his bedroom and see this young boy hanging. Sheldon’s character on “The Big Bang Theory” has been bullied most of his young life. I was pleased to see the show tackling this difficult subject.

When children and adults are being bullied and put down, the child that is being hurt by words has a better than average risk of having depression, hostility, anxiety, bursts of anger and so on.

My grandson JJ has had a really difficult time at school. JJ is very smart and he has a heart of gold. JJ also has high functioning autism, so he doesn’t understand what all is being said or done. He doesn’t have friends per say. I would pick JJ up from school and I always made sure to ask him about how his day was. He would proceed to tell me that nobody likes him. As the tears flowed down his cheek he would make comments about how nobody would talk to him and his only friend during recess was a stick.

He would walk around the playground and never talked to anyone. He doesn’t know how to make friends. Most of the time he never got recess. He would sit in the office during recess and doing math problems and reading. I got to the point where I hated to pick him up and to ask him how his day was. The reason I say that is because he was always in tears. He didn’t get it.

On the way home he would see kids playing with other kids and I could hear sobbing in the back of the van. He wanted friends so much and he had none. I was genuinely worried about him. Jessica and Jason did everything they could do to help him. They took him to counseling, and would allow him to invite anyone to his birthday parties. Eventually they pulled him out of school. There was no choice in the matter.

As I was watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think about those parents who are hurting their kids mentally. When parents call their children horrible mean and nasty things, it is going to hurt them for a very long time. When a parent calls their child a F—— little Ba—r, then there is something wrong. My daughters remember all of the stupid things I have said and done. I have many regrets in my life.

Parents helping children doing homeworkChildren are watching everything that is being said and done. What kind of example do you want to be to your children. If you want your children to grow up to be productive adults, then they need to learn what that means. If all you do is yell, scream and put them down, what kind of adult do you think they will turn out to be? If all you do is to do nothing and yell at your children, they will be the same way to their children. Remember little eyes see and little ears hear.

A good friend of mine got divorced because her spouse decided to cheat on her. Her family was torn apart. The children have been having problems adjusting to life in general. Her husband does nothing really to support the family. My friend does anything she can do to raise the kids. She has taken a second job to support the kids because her ex doesn’t do anything besides sitting on the computer and playing games while she goes out and works. So, her kids are watching what their mom and dad are doing. They are thinking it is OK to do nothing. It’s OK to have the mom do all of the work while he stays home.  Children watch everything around them.

Parents face all sorts of stress, and fighting is normal. Parents need to keep in mind that their children are watching and listening. In the next paragraph I will show you the effects of what some parents are doing to those who are listening and watching. Think about how much time your children spends with you.

Below is a list of some of the negative things that children may experience when they witness fights that hurt others and themselves. “Conflict is a natural part of life. I have heard parents and I have also thought that what I say and do doesn’t affect anyone. My kids don’t understand what is going on and they will get over it. That isn’t true, not all children do get over it. Many and maybe even most children will repeat what they have learned from others. It is a vicious cycle.

The fights that hurt kids — and parents — may have some or all of these negative features

  • Hostility
  • Either being bullied or him/her being the bully.
  • Being physically aggressive
  • Nonverbal expressions of hostility
  • Withdrawn
  • Feelings of sadness and fear
  • They have a higher risk of anxiety and depression
  • Confusion
  • Conflict attracts their sense of security
  • inability to identify and control emotions.

There are some arguments that actually helps them. I posted of few of the positive  things. 

  • They learn how to compromise (not a doormat)
  • Able to stand up for himself
  • Usually they can look at the problem and solve it easier.
  • Express themselves

As I was processing this particular episode of the Big Bang Theory, I heard a different meaning for the show. It was an eye opener when it comes to how you treat someone and that “words do hurt you!

In Closing. Here is a video about a little boy who is wanting to be just like his dad. It’s by Rodney Atkins and called “Watching You”.