Marriage – Love, Cherish and Honor (Obey?)

I was thinking about a post that is in one of the groups that I belong to on Facebook. It is a Christian group and they have some awesome conversations. In the last couple of days there are a couple that stuck out to me. I enjoy conversations that get people talking and thinking. This is the first of two posts I will do.

This topic has been coming up a lot lately in the media. Most recently Candace Cameron Bure made a statement that she is submissive to her husband as God intended. This is what Candace Cameron Bure had to say on this subject and I am in total agreement on her views.

Candace Cameron Bure and her husband Valeri

“The definition that I’m using with the word submissive is the biblical definition of that,” she explained. “So, it is meekness; it is not weakness. … It’s strength under control. It is bridled strength.”

She continued, “I love that my man is a leader. I want him to lead and be the head of our family. And those major decisions do fall on him. It doesn’t mean I don’t voice my opinion. It doesn’t mean I don’t have an opinion. I absolutely do. But it is very difficult to have two heads of authority.” Read Complete Article

When it comes to obeying your husband, I guess I have an issue with the “obey” part of the question. Actually I have a issue with obeying all together unless it is obeying God. Even then I have a way of pushing things that always seems to backfire on me big time. This can be one of those topics that can get a bunch of people and myself into trouble.

So, here it is and my understanding of what it means to “obey” your husbands according to the Bible.

marriage_2074156bEphesians 5:22-24 (NIV) Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

For some reason and my husband included, they like to throw the “obey” into this passage. The Bible doesn’t say “obey”, it says submit. Basically it is meaning that the wife should respect their husbands. Submitting to your husband does not mean that we are robots and that we can’t think for ourselves. I also feel that if our husbands are not believers in Christ and they sway us away from Christ, that we should not submit if they aren’t according to God’s will.

The obey issue has been misunderstood for the longest time. People thought that it meant that wives were to be treated as little more than a piece of property and that her husband is the puppet master. Husbands are NOT the puppet master and the obey part in some wedding vows have being misinterpreted and misused.

For years, my husband would tell me that when we got married, part of the vows was that I agree to obey him. I’m sure someones husband might have brought this up when we aren’t listening and doing as we are told. We have been married for almost 34 years now.  At least, this is how this conversation goes around my house.

This is part of the conversation;
Chuck: “Sandie, when we got married, you promised you would love, honor and OBEY me”.
Sandie: (giving him a stupid look and waiting till he is done)
Chuck: “Since you are suppose to “obey” me, then you need to fix me what I want and do what I tell you”.
Sandie: OH NO you did not just say that?
Chuck: he’s not saying anything, but knows he just dug his own grave.
Sandie: The vows you are talking about is “love, honor and respect”. There is nothing in there that says anything about OBEYING. (He knows he is in trouble now,lol).

With all that being said, ‘obey’ wasn’t even a part of our vows.:

I, Sandie take you, Chuck to be my husband, and promise that in marriage I will love you, be true to you and honour you and be faithful to you all the days of my life:

Chuck: I should have married a Asian women, she listens.
Sandie: (In Bible Thumping Preaching Mode). This is what the Bible says and you are an idiot (I might have said that a bit too strong,lol”).

This is what the Bible says when it comes to husbands, and I make sure he understands this, lol.

Eph. 5:22-32: And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his body.

So in a nutshell the Bible is saying:

• Husbands – love and sacrifice.
• Wives – submit.

When it comes to married and what the Bible says about it, we must ere on the side of caution. Marriage is an equal partnership and a gift from God. As we can see there are different roles each has when it comes to a marriage, but they are just as important.

In closing, the Bible says that wives show Godly character and quiet inner beauty. Husbands should honor their wives and be kind and gentle. And when it comes to marriage husbands and wives are equal partners.

Discussion Question: What should a wife do if the husband doesn’t lead the home spiritually?

12093_10200608310027024_562114711_nThe way I would answer this question is that as a wife I should be patient, even though I have problems with that. I should also spend time in prayer. My husband Chuck knows who God is, but I don’t know if I would consider him as Christian since he has no real relationship with Christ. I do have hope for him and I can see progress little by little. I also try to get into conversations with him about God and His plan of Salvation. Chuck is going to church, which is better than he use to do.

I do worry about his salvation. I did and still have to step back because this is one of those topics that I get upset over and I take it personally when he tells me he doesn’t think there is anything after he dies. How can someone believe in Christ and not believe there is a heaven and hell. He says so once in awhile, but I don’t know if he believes it. So, I hope and pray he makes a decision before it is too late. As a wife of a non believer, this is what God has put on my heart.

This post makes me want to sing the song, “Trust and Obey”, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey. Click here to listen to Trust and Obey

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