Tonight I was watching “The Big Bang Theory”. I think this was the only one that I have seen that made me want to cry. If you don’t watch the Big Bang Theory it is about 4 nerds and a hot blonde. It is one of my favorite shows. The one I watched tonight on TBS was where everyone was fighting and screaming and Sheldon was having a great deal of anxiety.
In this episode Leonard was upset with Penny because she was letting her ex-boyfriend come over and crash on her couch. Leonard already feels like he can’t compete for her love, even though they are dating. Click Here to watch the clip I am talking about in this blog post.
Sheldon didn’t have a normal childhood at all. His parents divorced and he never really had much of a relationship with his dad. With all of his friends fighting around him, he is feeling as if he is back at home.
With nowhere else to go since everyone was fighting Penny and Leonard found him at the comic book store on the floor surrounded by piles of comic books and toy robots. The whole image of a grown man sitting on the floor blocking everyone out because he thinks he is at fault and they will leave him like his dad left him.Leonard and Penny went to him in a parental kind of way and explained to him that even though they may fight on occasion that they will love still love him.
I totally get why he wanted to escape all of the fighting. Anyone who has grown up in a hostile environment will know what it means to feel scared and alone. It isn’t just memories of childhood that has a way of flooding your memories, it also happens to those who may be in a bad marriage, relationship and other situations.
People say all the times that “sticks and stones with break your bones, but words won’t hurt you.” I totally disagree with that. Words have a way of killing a persons spirit and they are carried throughout your life.
Fighting Good Or Bad?
I think it is healthy to argue, but not to the point of hurting each other. There is a difference between arguing and fighting. It’s better to let those around you know how you feel about something that has been bothering you. But, when it comes to holding onto those feelings for a long time will eventually blow up. When it gets to the point where you are being hateful and belittling someone, it is time to walk it out. I’m not the kind of person who lets things fester. It’s not a healthy option.
There have been times where I have tried to keep it inside and it turned out ugly. I ended up giving it to the person in full force. I hated myself for what I was saying, It has been over 20 yrs ago, but I can remember it like it was yesterday. Like volcano’s, they will sit there dormant for a long time. Every now and then, you will see a bit of smoke and then all of a sudden, things are getting ugly. Things eventually took a turn for the worst and we are no longer friends because I let things go on for to long.
While I was watching the news, they were doing a story about a 10 yr old child who was being bullied at his school. He ended up taking his own life. The parents walk into his bedroom and see this young boy hanging. Sheldon’s character on “The Big Bang Theory” has been bullied most of his young life. I was pleased to see the show tackling this difficult subject.
When children and adults are being bullied and put down, the child that is being hurt by words has a better than average risk of having depression, hostility, anxiety, bursts of anger and so on.
My grandson JJ has had a really difficult time at school. JJ is very smart and he has a heart of gold. JJ also has high functioning autism, so he doesn’t understand what all is being said or done. He doesn’t have friends per say. I would pick JJ up from school and I always made sure to ask him about how his day was. He would proceed to tell me that nobody likes him. As the tears flowed down his cheek he would make comments about how nobody would talk to him and his only friend during recess was a stick.
He would walk around the playground and never talked to anyone. He doesn’t know how to make friends. Most of the time he never got recess. He would sit in the office during recess and doing math problems and reading. I got to the point where I hated to pick him up and to ask him how his day was. The reason I say that is because he was always in tears. He didn’t get it.
On the way home he would see kids playing with other kids and I could hear sobbing in the back of the van. He wanted friends so much and he had none. I was genuinely worried about him. Jessica and Jason did everything they could do to help him. They took him to counseling, and would allow him to invite anyone to his birthday parties. Eventually they pulled him out of school. There was no choice in the matter.
As I was watching this episode, I couldn’t help but think about those parents who are hurting their kids mentally. When parents call their children horrible mean and nasty things, it is going to hurt them for a very long time. When a parent calls their child a F—— little Ba—r, then there is something wrong. My daughters remember all of the stupid things I have said and done. I have many regrets in my life.
Children are watching everything that is being said and done. What kind of example do you want to be to your children. If you want your children to grow up to be productive adults, then they need to learn what that means. If all you do is yell, scream and put them down, what kind of adult do you think they will turn out to be? If all you do is to do nothing and yell at your children, they will be the same way to their children. Remember little eyes see and little ears hear.
A good friend of mine got divorced because her spouse decided to cheat on her. Her family was torn apart. The children have been having problems adjusting to life in general. Her husband does nothing really to support the family. My friend does anything she can do to raise the kids. She has taken a second job to support the kids because her ex doesn’t do anything besides sitting on the computer and playing games while she goes out and works. So, her kids are watching what their mom and dad are doing. They are thinking it is OK to do nothing. It’s OK to have the mom do all of the work while he stays home. Children watch everything around them.
Parents face all sorts of stress, and fighting is normal. Parents need to keep in mind that their children are watching and listening. In the next paragraph I will show you the effects of what some parents are doing to those who are listening and watching. Think about how much time your children spends with you.
Below is a list of some of the negative things that children may experience when they witness fights that hurt others and themselves. “Conflict is a natural part of life. I have heard parents and I have also thought that what I say and do doesn’t affect anyone. My kids don’t understand what is going on and they will get over it. That isn’t true, not all children do get over it. Many and maybe even most children will repeat what they have learned from others. It is a vicious cycle.
The fights that hurt kids — and parents — may have some or all of these negative features
- Either being bullied or him/her being the bully.
- Being physically aggressive
- Nonverbal expressions of hostility
- Feelings of sadness and fear
- They have a higher risk of anxiety and depression
- Conflict attracts their sense of security
- inability to identify and control emotions.
There are some arguments that actually helps them. I posted of few of the positive things.
- They learn how to compromise (not a doormat)
- Able to stand up for himself
- Usually they can look at the problem and solve it easier.
- Express themselves
As I was processing this particular episode of the Big Bang Theory, I heard a different meaning for the show. It was an eye opener when it comes to how you treat someone and that “words do hurt you!”
In Closing. Here is a video about a little boy who is wanting to be just like his dad. It’s by Rodney Atkins and called “Watching You”.