I’ve been working on this blog post for over 8 hours and I just can’t get past the tears.
Jasper came into my life in August 2010. Jasper is my pug who rescued me more than me rescuing him. Less than 12 hours ago (10/21/19) I had to do what was best for him and let him go over the Rainbow Bridge.
I knew this day was coming about six months ago. Every day I could see that he’s getting worse. When I noticed in April or May of 2019 that he was having paralysis in his hind legs, my heart sunk. I knew when I have seen this happening that his time was short. Which means that my time with him is short. Video of his hind legs.
There are some people who don’t understand that our 4 legged family members are part of the family. Today has been a bad day and I’ve been in tears off and on. Anytime I see a dog on TV or anything on the computer brings me back to the moment I had to decide what was best for Jasper. It wasn’t for me, but I couldn’t put my needs and wishes ahead of his comfort and quality of life.
When I walked into Dr. Brinkerhoffs office with Jasper in my arms, the tears started flowing and I couldn’t even tell the receptionist that I didn’t want to take his body home with me and that I needed him to be cremated so I could turn his ashes into something beautiful. I was crying and trying to find my voice. There were other people with their dogs in the waiting area and they were in tears I’m sure because I was in tears. I’m in tears now as I type this. For me, this post gives me a chance to tell Jasper how much I love him and there will never be another 4 legged family member like him.
Jasper was my shadow. Anywhere I went, he would be there. Everyone knew that Jasper chose me when I got him. I thought he would like Jessica more since she is the first person that loved him. When we picked him up it was Jessica who was holding him all the way home. As soon as we got into the house, Jasper immediately came to me. I think it was because I reminded him of someone who he loved before I got him.
As I was standing next to Jasper as they gave him a shot to make him fall asleep and 3 minutes later the vet came in and gave him an IV med to stop his heart just breaks my heart. I could see his breathing getting weaker and eventually his breathing stopped. The vet told me I could take my time with him since he was gone. I know this sounds crazy, but, I couldn’t stand there with him after he was gone considering 5 minutes before he was alive.
I know I did what was best for him, but, it breaks my heart big time. One of the assistants in the office wrapped Jasper in a blanket. All I could think about is to keep him in the blanket so he will be warm. The logical part of my brain knows that once he died, his soul is no longer in the shell of his body that gave out on him. I believe that Jasper is now in a better place where he can see people or things. He can run and play since he hasn’t been able to since is hind legs became paralyzed and atrophy affected his muscles. He could hear some things and he would search for me since I’m guessing he could only see shadows and find me by hearing. He’s free of the things going on in his body.
As I walked out of the room where I last saw Jasper, some dear friends from church were outside the door. Rose and John Balderama was there since the vet needed to check out their dog. It was a huge blessing for me with them being there. I know they have lost their dog last year and went through the same thing. I was somewhat composed when I left the room until Rose gave me a hug and the tears started flowing again.
I can’t help but think that God put them there when I needed someone the most. My friend Jennifer Harris drove Jasper and me and she was in the room at the same time when Jasper went over the bridge. When I think that I have no more tears, then they come again.
I’m working on a blog that will follow this one. I was going to just post the blog that will follow this first. But, while I was looking for Bible verses about kindness, I decided to do this one first. This post will be a three-part and then I will post the draft I have already done.
I’ve had a number of random thoughts on things recently. I was watching a service on ROKU. It’s from a church in Tucson, AZ.
You can be nice and not care. You can be nice to someone and still not like them. It happens all the time in this world. I had to look up information about
What the Bible says about kindness.?
True kindness is Spirit-produced – But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Galatians 5:22
Romans 2:4 – Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?
Butloveyourenemies, anddogood, andlend, expectingnothinginreturn, andyourrewardwillbegreat, and youwillbesonsof the Highest, for heiskindtotheungratefulandtheevil.Luke 6:35
Our kindness reflects the heart of our Father. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).
I was thinking about how some people are considered nice or polite. Being kind to others is, in my opinion, there are various meanings to the term of showing kindness or being nice. I’ve known a bunch of people that I would put them in the category of being kind.
When a person is kind, they will go out of their way to help you without asking. I try not to mention names. But, I want to use a few friends as examples.
After I got out of the hospital last summer Shirley, Peggy and Evelyn went out of their way to visit me and they offered help, even though they know I try to do things myself. All three of the ladies showed up at my house and they said that they will help me with all types of things. They know that I have a very difficult time when it comes to cooking, cleaning and so on. They don’t take no for an answer.
As I was waking up, I remember my friend Jennifer Harris, Rhonda Tommer and her daughter Sam sitting there holding my hand and praying for me. Even though I couldn’t talk or carry on conversations, they would talk to me and pray for me. I couldn’t even open my eyes for more than a couple of minutes. My friend Jennifer brought her mom and I remember Gerta standing at the foot of my bed, Jennifer holding my hands. Jessica and Beckiah were present too. Even though I couldn’t say or do anything, all of my friends and family carried on positive conversations with me. I remember like it was yesterday
My daughter Jessica picks me up each week to cash my husband’s check and she takes me around town to do all the things I can’t. Since my muscles give out and I pass out a few times a day, she is always there. If she can’t take me to do what I need, others will.
I would like to share this though. When people assume that a person is in a coma and they can’t hear what anyone is saying. I want to say that I could hear what people were saying. I could hear the Dr’s and nurses that weren’t in my room. I could smell the perfume that someone was wearing. I don’t know who, but someone was wearing perfume. if you know of anyone who is in a coma, please speak kindly to them. Even if they can’t carry on a conversation, I could still hear them. One day I may write a book about what I could hear and smell. There is a young lady named Claire Wineland. She died a year ago after she had a lung transplant since she had Cystic Fibrosis. This is a video that’s under 5 minutes. But, her experience is similar to my experiences. Claires Coma experience.
While I was listening to the message that the pastor at the church was saying that there are some pastors and church leaders that play the niceness card, but they don’t actually care. They will go through the motions of caring because they have the mindset and say, ” it’s my job” and when they are finished going through the motions, they will go home when it’s time to go off the clock. Some church leaders and pastors know the right words and actions, but, they don’t really care.
I’ve gone to a number of churches in my life. My church had a pastor who showed up on time because it was his responsibility. I’ve mentioned this in a couple of blogs a few years ago. There was a huge split in my church because of his actions. He would pray for people and said the right words.
One of my dear friends Dena Allen who’s with the Lord now would come home from church and felt defeated. Dena was was hard of hearing, in her 80’s and knew more about the Bible than anyone I knew. I stopped going to church at that time because I couldn’t stomach what he was doing. I got to know him on a personal level and I feel like that was one of the main reasons I stopped going. It was at that point when I decided to check out Oasis Community Church.
Pastor Marc always listened to those at the church. Even if you weren’t a member, he was there and so were the people at church. When he said that we should be witnessing and going outside of the building and reach those who can’t go to church. Reach those who have left and have been hurt for one reason or another. He had Bible studies in his home. If I had a problem and needed to talk, he came to take and to pray with me and for me without asking.
When my daughter Jessica called me when I was in the hospital, she asked me if I could get a wedding together in 2 weeks. Most of that year, I was in the hospital At that time, I only went to that church for a couple of months, if that. I called the pastor and he got on the phone to a number of church members. I was blown away by the pastor.
He performed the wedding, we had a friend come and play a portable piano for the wedding march. My friend Dawn did all of the decorations and my friend Ramona made all of the food. I didn’t have to ask for anything and nobody would take money from me. I was and still, am beyond humble because of what they did. Three days after the wedding, I was back in the hospital for another 2 months.
There is also another small church here that did the same thing. All I had to do was mention that I was having a difficult time physically and that pastor came knocking at my door and he was there for me without asking.
While I was watching the service from the church in Tucson, I was reminded that even though a person may have the job of being a pastor or church leader, it doesn’t mean that the pastor or whoever is truly kind to others. When he said this, it made me sad because I’ve always felt that pastors are given a special gift by shepherding the congregation and are doing what is right. However, some pastors just think of it as a job, not a calling.
The pastor that was at my church almost destroyed it. Our church was affiliated with American Baptist Churchs. We had to get serious held from the ABC church district offices. It took many years for our church to heal. At that time and while I was listening to the sermon a week or so ago, I realized that not all pastors have what’s best for the people in the church their hearts.
While I was praying along with the pastor that I was watching, I was praying and God let me know that even though I love music and I would want to be a singer, but singing isn’t the gift that God gave me. It’s the same thing with pastors and it was with Pastor Wayne. He wanted to be a preacher and he went to seminary I think at Moody Bible College. He graduated, but he wasn’t called to be a pastor just because he wanted to. Instead of leading the sheep in the church, he became the wolf and destroyed lives and most of the people left the church and he didn’t care. He was doing what he wanted to do.
Lately, I haven’t felt like I’m not being Spiritually fed. I listen to a number of churches through streaming. The pastor was talking about how we are told to be Christlike.
John 6:27 “Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.”
At the end of the sermon, the pastor asked a question about kindness. He instructed those who were listening. He asked everyone if we are kind. Of course, he couldn’t see the responses from everyone watching. Are we being kind to those around us, or do we think and speak negatively to, or about, them? Being kind is no small or easy thing. When we show kindness to those in our lives we yield positive fruits in our lives and to those around us.
I know this blog is a bit scattered. I hope you could keep up with it. I had a lot of things on my mind lately and that’s why I’m doing this post in 2 or 3 parts.