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If you’re looking for one of a kind jewelry and all things angels, you will love Angelhaven.  Check out Angelhaven

Lately, I’ve been thinking about a young lady who I met in a chatroom on Angelhaven.  I’m going to write about some of the friends that I’ve made in Angelhaven.  This is my experience with trying to learn how to find Angelhaven on the computer.

I believe my first experience with any computer type of machine was around 1997 or 98. I always felt like computers will be a passing fad. I had no desire or need to get on any computers. I would get into arguments with my husband and daughters since I thought they weren’t worth getting one.  I felt like it was a waste of time and boy was I wrong on that one.

My husband is a truck driver and while he was in his truck he was reading a magazine. One one of the pages there was an advertisement. The advertisement was about a website called Angelhaven. Since I believe in angels and I’ve had times when I’ve experienced the healing touch and presence of angels around me.

We did eventually get a computer in the house and it had Windows 98 on it. The issue with the computer is that I had no clue how to even turn it on. I didn’t know what a keyboard or a mouse was. Well, I knew what a mouse was, but the only mouse I knew was the kind that needs to be killed.

My daughter Jessica was in high school and she was taking a computer class. I asked her when she got home if she could help me find the website and if she would help me get started.  After she got home, we sat down together and she showed me how to turn the computer on. This was the beginning of a new world that was opening in front of my eyes.

The computer shown here is similar to what we had. So, I turned the computer on and she told me we needed to get online. Egads, that was a word I’ve never heard. I was getting stressed and we were just starting. I asked her how we get online and she told me we have to sign up for the internet through a company. We didn’t have WIFI back then.  We had dial-up and I think it was 56 Mbps. That means it took at times 5 minutes to go through. For some websites, it would take a while for the pages to transfer. We didn’t have the money to get the internet, but we got a disk in the mail and it was through AOL We were excited because we had 100 free hours. We thought we scored big time (WRONG). When I mentioned how getting a computer wastes time. Well, I was right. you don’t pay attention to the clock.

Now, after a 5-10 minute wait to get connected, we were ready to look for Angelhaven. We’ve already wasted about 30 minutes trying to get online. Here’s a 30-second youtube video that will give you an example of the sound that goes along with getting hooked up to the internet. We dealt with this sound for around 10 minutes. Click here to listen to the dial-up tone.

Whoo Hoo, now I’m ready to find the website that my husband told me I should check out. I should let you know that I have never learned how to type. it took me a minute to type out the name of the website once I figured out where I’m supposed to put the address. My daughter had to do her homework, so she told me to just type out the name of the website in the box on the top and the page and hit enter. Again, I’ve never been on a computer and I’ve never typed anything. It took me about 20 minutes to type the name of the URL.

The reason it took so long was that Jessica was in her room doing her homework and she is telling me what to do from another room. I was getting pretty upset by this time because I didn’t understand the language for computers. At this point, I would have been OK throwing the computer out of the window. Jessica had to come and help me since I didn’t know what a URL was. When she said it’s the address, that confused me even more. When I think of an address to a place, I think it’s like the address of a person’s house. But, now, I’m wasting a lot more time and I still haven’t figured out how to find the website. I sure hope the website is worth the aggravation.

She finished what she was doing and came into my room and in seconds she had the page I wanted. Now the problem with that was that she did it herself and that didn’t show me what I needed to do. Anyhow, I eventually made it to the website.

She went back to her room to do her homework. I had to call her back into my room because I didn’t know how to use the mouse which means I didn’t know how to move it or click on it when I found the page I wanted. So, I had to sit and wait for her to show me how to click on the mouse and move it to roll over the link to the page I wanted. Ugh, to say that I was frustrated was a major understatement. It was probably close to midnight by the time I got to the place where I could click on a page. I had to pick Jessica and Beckiah up from school around 3:30 in the afternoon.

Since it was so late, I had to give up for the night. Jessica told me that all I have to do is exit out of the page and then turn off the computer.  She did come into the room and showed me how to move the mouse. so, now I’m looking for a place where it says “exit”. let me tell you right now, I did NOT find the “EXIT” button.

I want to share this little tidbit. When you’re trying to show someone how to even turn on and shut down a computer, it’s best to not leave them to their own resources.  Anyhow, I was very upset over this who computer thing since I had no clue what I was doing. All I accomplished was Jessica helping me get online and starting up the computer. I spent hours and hours on this whole ordeal and I couldn’t figure out how to exit out of Angelhavens webpage. I didn’t even know how to surf the page or find anything on the website.

Once I figured out with the help of my daughter, I just had to shut off the computer. She asked me if I needed any more help. I told her I could figure it out and for her to go to bed since she had school the next day. I should have had her come into my bedroom where the computer was.  I tried to look fr a place where it said to turn off the computer. Most of you probably know already that I was having issues.  I couldn’t find the button to shut it off. Jessica turned the computer on so I didn’t see where she did that.  So, I’m looking at the window of the computer and there are no words that says shut down or power or anything. This is what I see since I shut the window to Angelhaven down.

What I saw

What I should have seen

Since it was now around 1AM, I needed to figure out something since Jessica and Beckiah was in bed. Beckiah was alway in bed around 8pm and Jessica is a night owl like I am. I was beyond ticked over this whole computer ordeal and I almost chucked it out of the balcony in my bedroom. I’m going through all of this frustration because I really really wanted to go to Angelhavens website.  I did figure out how to shut the computer down though and I knew it wasn’t what I should have done. This was my remedy for turning off the computer without destroying it.

I want to close this out by saying that I did eventually figure out how to turn my computer off and I was able to find Angelhaven. Even though I was frustrated and wanted to throw my computer out the window, things worked out and I made some awesome friends.

I’ve been listening to a podcast that Pastor Peter Frey has been doing. I normally don’t listen to podcasts, but his podcast is being published in the early mornings and I’m always doing my IV meds at the time he is publishing them. As most who come to my blog, you know that I have the chronic form of Guillian Barre Syndrome and I have Myasthenia Gravis. With peter Freys podcast, I’ve found peace since I’m usually the only one in my house awake.

• My Posts about Guillian Barre Syndrome
• God Has Other Plans 🙂

I started listening to another channel that Pastor Peter Frey and his wife Mary Frey has. His wife Mary has Cystic Fibrosis. I started watching them about a year ago. Youtube suggested its channel when I was watching Claire Winelands channel. I don’t know why I have suggested their channels, but I’m guessing it was because I was looking for a trailer for Fault in our Stars. The story is about 2 people who have cystic fibrosis. I knew a movie was coming out that’s based on the book named, “Five Feet Apart”. The movie wasn’t out, but Claire’s channel popped up and so did “The Frey Life”. “Five Feet Apart” is available now and it has been one of my favorite movies. I’ve watched it a number of times. I ended up buying it on ROKU. If you haven’t watched it yet, you should. It’s such a good movie.

The Frey Life youTube Channel   and Claire Winelands YouTube Channel

His messages are pretty short which is great for me since I have a short attention span. They are normally under 10 minutes. His podcast has been based on Advent. Advent began on December 1st, 2019. Since listening to Peter Frey’s podcast, they reminded me of how much I miss having an Advent service at my church. We haven’t had it for the last few years. I’m not sure why it isn’t at church any longer. But, I’m grateful that Peter Frey is doing it. The name of the series which includes messages about Advent is “Living in Hope”.

• This is the first day of Peter Freys Living in Hope podcast 
• The Frey Life Facebook Page
• Living In Hope Facebook page
• Click Here for Peter Freys Podcast

What is Advent? 

Advent is a period of spiritual preparation in which many Christians make themselves ready for the coming, or birth of the Lord, Jesus Christ. Celebrating Advent typically involves a season of prayer, fasting, and repentance, followed by anticipation, hope, and joy. Advent is for the period of four Sundays/weeks before Christmas.

I’m sure most people have seen the Advent Calendars that are in stores now. When I worked in a grocery store, most of our customers didn’t actually understand what Advent is. Since I couldn’t talk about faith-based things. Most parents thought that it was just a fun way to count down the days until Christmas. We’ve had parents returning the calenders when they figured out the calenders actually meant.

1st CANDLE – (purple or blue) THE PROPHECY CANDLE 

“And again, Isaiah says, ‘The Root of Jesse will spring up, one who will arise to rule over the nations; the Gentiles will hope in him.’  May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15:12-13

2nd CANDLE – (purple candle) represents faith. It is called the “Bethlehem Candle” as a reminder of Mary and Joseph’s journey to Bethlehem. God kept his promise of a Savior who would be born in Bethlehem

“As is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet:  ‘A voice of one calling in the desert, ‘Prepare the way for the Lord, make straight paths for him.  Every valley shall be filled in, every mountain and hill made low.  The crooked roads shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.  And all mankind will see God’s salvation.‘ ~ Luke 3:4-6

3rd CANDLE – (pink) THE SHEPHERD CANDLE or THE CANDLE OF JOY

On the third Sunday of Advent the pink, or rose-colored candle is lit. This pink candle is customarily called the “Shepherds Candle,” and it represents joy:

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. (Luke 2:8–11, NIV)

4th CANDLE – (purple ) THE ANGEL CANDLE or THE CANDLE OF LOVE

5th CANDLE – (white) CHRIST CANDLE

The white candle reminds us that Jesus is the spotless lamb of God, sent to wash away our sins.  His birth was for his death, his death was for our birth!

An Advent Prayer for The Lord to Come

I’ve been looking for pictures for this blog post and I came across this Advent Prayer and it was perfect. This prayer is an awesome way to divert our attention when it comes to the true meaning of Christmas. It isn’t about the gifts under the tree. The poem that Renee Swoop wrote is a reminder that we need to open our hearts and focus on the birth of Christ.

The Christmas Prayer below was written by~Renee Swope, “The Manger of My Heart” from Proverbs 31 Ministries

This Advent, Lord, come to the manger of my heart.
Fill me with Your presence from the very start.
As I prepare for the holidays and gifts to be given,
Remind me of the gift You gave when You sent Your Son from Heaven.
The first Christmas gift, it was the greatest gift ever.
You came as a baby born in a manger.
Wrapped like the gifts I find under my tree,
Waiting to be opened, to reveal Your love to me.
Restore to me the wonder that came with Jesus’ birth,
When He left the riches of Heaven and wrapped Himself in rags of earth.
Immanuel, God with us, Your presence came that night.
And angels announced, “Into your darkness, God brings His Light.”
“Do not be afraid,” they said, to shepherds in the field.
Speak to my heart today, Lord, and help me to yield.
Make me like those shepherd boys, obedient to Your call.
Setting distractions and worries aside, to You I surrender them all.
Surround me with Your presence, Lord, I long to hear Your voice.
Clear my mind of countless concerns and all the holiday noise.
Slow me down this Christmas, let me not be in a rush.
In the midst of parties and planning, I want to feel Your hush.
This Christmas, Jesus, come to the manger of my heart.
Invade my soul like Bethlehem, bringing peace to every part.
Dwell within and around me, as I unwrap Your presence each day.
Keep me close to You, Lord. It’s in Your wonderful Name I pray.

This is the second night that I got Jasper. This was his first doggie bed. He must not have ever had his own bed since he was laying outside of the bed and not in it. 

On October 21st at 3;30 P.M. my jasper went over the Rainbow Bridge. (Click Here to Read about him before he went to the Rainbow Bridge) Jaspers Memorial Heart that has some of his ashes in it came back yesterday (December 1st). I received an email last Weds and they said that Jasper was coming home and it will arrive either Friday or Saturday and to expect him then. I know that it isn’t his physical self, but it is a part of him since his ashes were in the heart.

I’ve been having such a hard time since Jasper died. He has had a special place in my heart since the moment I got him. Jasper chose me and has always been my dog. Jasper could say “My Momma” even though my husband would say he is just being vocal. He can say whatever he wants to say, I know he said “My Momma.” It was always when I was gone and just came into the house. he would chase our other dogs away and he wouldn’t let them come close to me. Jasper was pretty loud when he did this.

When Jaspers Memorial Heart arrived yesterday, my hands were shaking and I had to wait for a few minutes to wait to open it. I did stab my finger since I was in tears and shaking. Thankfully I didn’t hurt myself too bad.

Richard or Erin from Rainbow Bridge Hearts was awesome to work with. They replied really fast anytime I had a question or concern. My friend Eric Dodge went through Rainbow Bridge and I’m so happy that he shared the information. I would have scattered Jaspers ashes if he didn’t share the orb he got for his dog Anna and his cat Bart. They died a few weeks apart and Rainbow Bridge created a memorial orb for Eric. I never heard of anything like this being done out of ashes.

When I finally got past the shaky hands since I knew what was in the box, the tears started flowing. Rainbow Bridge did such a wonderful job on it. Jasper’s heart was beautiful and I loved it. I ended up getting the lighted stand and it was perfect. it’s hard to find the right words when it comes to describing how perfect Jaspers Memorial Heart was. I know I could never get him back since he has gone over the bridge, but I have a part of Jasper that I can hold in my hands.

Click on the images below so you can see the full-sized images. Thank you Rainbow Bridge and thank you to the person who gifted this to me. On the back of the heart, you will notice that I had them put “Momma’s Boy”.

There won’t be a time when I won’t miss him. When I’ve had other dogs who went over the Rainbow Bridge I always think of them. Our dogs are more than dogs, they are family. I’m so grateful and blessed to know that there is someone like Rich and Erin who owns Rainbow Bridge Ashes to Glass.

I’m beyond grateful to whoever gifted Jaspers Memorial Heart to me. Rainbow Bridge only told me that it was someone who read my blog.  If you are the one who gifted jasper’s heart, I want to thank you a thousand times over again.

if you’re looking for a way to create something special in memory of your four-legged family member, this may be a good option.

Rainbow Bridge Contact Information from their website:

“Together Forever” Your Pets Ashes Memorialized in Glass Art

• Website:  http://www.rainbowbridgehearts.com/
• Contact: Link to contact Rainbow Bridge
• Facebook: Rainbow Bridge Hearts
• Email Rainbow Bridge:  Erin and Rich 

Crossing the Rainbow Bridge has never been more Beautiful.

Rich & Erin

Rainbow Bridge Hearts

PO BOX 1408

Langley, WA  98260

• On Facebook as Rainbow Bridge Hearts
• On Twitter  @Therealrainbow6
• On Instagram as Rainbow Bridge Hearts

I was working on the powerpoint for my church and I took a break so I could check my voicemail. I realized I haven’t checked it for a couple of days. The first voice mail was from Dixie Veteranariums Pet Hospital. I just miss Jasper so much. I’ve been watching the videos I’ve loaded on yahoo and sadness takes over my feelings. This video is about 2 1/2 minutes. I’ve played it so many times. I think mainly as a way of me needing to justify sending him over the Rainbow Bridge.

I was listening to the message that one of the guys in the office left for me. He said that I could come and pick up Jasper. Instead of me picking up Jasper following him being sick, this time was different because I have to pick up Jaspers ashes. He went over the Rainbow Bridge last week and it’s been very difficult.I’ve been watching the videos I uploaded onto youtube and I cry. I do my best to watch his videos after Chuck goes to bed since I cry without notice.

When I sit in our spare bedroom which has turned into my office, I can’t help but think about Jasper. Jaspers’s bed was right next to my desk. If I wanted to pet him, all I had to do is reach down and pet him. If he wanted extra lovings, he would move to where my hand is and he would nudge his head against my hand. I didn’t keep Jasper is one of our crates because he got to the point where he couldn’t even lift his hind legs the opening where the door is. The grates have a 1-inch step up and he couldn’t do it.

I got snappy with my other two dogs Henry and Parker. Henry went to lay on Jaspers’s old bed and I got upset because that was Jaspers’s bed and nobody else. I didn’t mean to get upset, but I did. I also love Henry and Parker. I felt bad that I got upset with them. I was organizing things and I put Jaspers’s bed and bowl down on the floor for a few minutes.

After I calmed down, I gave Parker and Henry some extra loving, cried and told them I was sorry I got upset. I know they are dogs and probably didn’t know what I was saying. But, I needed them to know that they are loved and it wasn’t right for me to get upset with them.

Thank You For Your Kindness and Generosity

Everyone has been very kind. One person donated the funds for me to have a small number of his ashes made into a memorial glass heart. As I’m crying uncontrollably, I don’t know how I can ever repay their kindness and generosity.

Then a friend that I worked with is going to create something for the rest of Jaspers ashes. My heart is overwhelmed because of the love and generosity that everyone is showing me.

In closing, I just want to share that I know that Jasper’s soul isn’t in the body since our bodies are just a vessel for our souls and spirits. I know that he isn’t hurting any longer. I miss you Jasper and I know you are in a much better place.

Previous Post About Jasper named. Jasper- A Piece of My Heart 

I’ve been working on this blog post for over 8 hours and I just can’t get past the tears.

Jasper came into my life in August 2010. Jasper is my pug who rescued me more than me rescuing him. Less than 12 hours ago (10/21/19) I had to do what was best for him and let him go over the Rainbow Bridge.

I knew this day was coming about six months ago. Every day I could see that he’s getting worse. When I noticed in April or May of 2019 that he was having paralysis in his hind legs, my heart sunk. I knew when I have seen this happening that his time was short. Which means that my time with him is short.  Video of his hind legs. 

There are some people who don’t understand that our 4 legged family members are part of the family. Today has been a bad day and I’ve been in tears off and on. Anytime I see a dog on TV or anything on the computer brings me back to the moment I had to decide what was best for Jasper. It wasn’t for me, but I couldn’t put my needs and wishes ahead of his comfort and quality of life.

When I walked into Dr. Brinkerhoffs office with Jasper in my arms, the tears started flowing and I couldn’t even tell the receptionist that I didn’t want to take his body home with me and that I needed him to be cremated so I could turn his ashes into something beautiful. I was crying and trying to find my voice. There were other people with their dogs in the waiting area and they were in tears I’m sure because I was in tears. I’m in tears now as I type this. For me, this post gives me a chance to tell Jasper how much I love him and there will never be another 4 legged family member like him.

Jasper was my shadow. Anywhere I went, he would be there. Everyone knew that Jasper chose me when I got him. I thought he would like Jessica more since she is the first person that loved him. When we picked him up it was Jessica who was holding him all the way home. As soon as we got into the house, Jasper immediately came to me. I think it was because I reminded him of someone who he loved before I got him.

As I was standing next to Jasper as they gave him a shot to make him fall asleep and 3 minutes later the vet came in and gave him an IV med to stop his heart just breaks my heart. I could see his breathing getting weaker and eventually his breathing stopped. The vet told me I could take my time with him since he was gone. I know this sounds crazy, but, I couldn’t stand there with him after he was gone considering 5 minutes before he was alive.

I know I did what was best for him, but, it breaks my heart big time. One of the assistants in the office wrapped Jasper in a blanket. All I could think about is to keep him in the blanket so he will be warm. The logical part of my brain knows that once he died, his soul is no longer in the shell of his body that gave out on him. I believe that Jasper is now in a better place where he can see people or things. He can run and play since he hasn’t been able to since is hind legs became paralyzed and atrophy affected his muscles. He could hear some things and he would search for me since I’m guessing he could only see shadows and find me by hearing. He’s free of the things going on in his body.

As I walked out of the room where I last saw Jasper, some dear friends from church were outside the door. Rose and John Balderama was there since the vet needed to check out their dog. It was a huge blessing for me with them being there. I know they have lost their dog last year and went through the same thing. I was somewhat composed when I left the room until Rose gave me a hug and the tears started flowing again.

I can’t help but think that God put them there when I needed someone the most. My friend Jennifer Harris drove Jasper and me and she was in the room at the same time when Jasper went over the bridge. When I think that I have no more tears, then they come again.

Follow up blogs about Jasper after he was set free- Jaspers Memorial Heart

I’m working on a blog that will follow this one. I was going to just post the blog that will follow this first. But, while I was looking for Bible verses about kindness, I decided to do this one first. This post will be a three-part and then I will post the draft I have already done.

I’ve had a number of random thoughts on things recently. I was watching a service on ROKU. It’s from a church in Tucson, AZ.

You can be nice and not care. You can be nice to someone and still not like them. It happens all the time in this world. I had to look up information about

What the Bible says about kindness.?

• True kindness is Spirit-produced –   But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Galatians 5:22
• Romans 2:4 –  Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience,  not knowing that God’s kindness is meant to lead you to repentance?
• But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Highest, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. Luke 6:35
• Our kindness reflects the heart of our Father. “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

I was thinking about how some people are considered nice or polite. Being kind to others is, in my opinion, there are various meanings to the term of showing kindness or being nice. I’ve known a bunch of people that I would put them in the category of being kind.

When a person is kind, they will go out of their way to help you without asking. I try not to mention names. But, I want to use a few friends as examples.

After I got out of the hospital last summer Shirley, Peggy and Evelyn went out of their way to visit me and they offered help, even though they know I try to do things myself. All three of the ladies showed up at my house and they said that they will help me with all types of things. They know that I have a very difficult time when it comes to cooking, cleaning and so on. They don’t take no for an answer.

As I was waking up,  I remember my friend Jennifer Harris, Rhonda Tommer and her daughter Sam sitting there holding my hand and praying for me. Even though I couldn’t talk or carry on conversations, they would talk to me and pray for me. I couldn’t even open my eyes for more than a couple of minutes. My friend Jennifer brought her mom and I remember Gerta standing at the foot of my bed, Jennifer holding my hands. Jessica and Beckiah were present too. Even though I couldn’t say or do anything, all of my friends and family carried on positive conversations with me.  I remember like it was yesterday

My daughter Jessica picks me up each week to cash my husband’s check and she takes me around town to do all the things I can’t. Since my muscles give out and I pass out a few times a day, she is always there. If she can’t take me to do what I need, others will.

I would like to share this though. When people assume that a person is in a coma and they can’t hear what anyone is saying. I want to say that I could hear what people were saying. I could hear the Dr’s and nurses that weren’t in my room. I could smell the perfume that someone was wearing. I don’t know who, but someone was wearing perfume. if you know of anyone who is in a coma, please speak kindly to them. Even if they can’t carry on a conversation, I could still hear them. One day I may write a book about what I could hear and smell.  There is a young lady named Claire Wineland. She died a year ago after she had a lung transplant since she had Cystic Fibrosis. This is a video that’s under 5 minutes. But, her experience is similar to my experiences.  Claires Coma experience.

While I was listening to the message that the pastor at the church was saying that there are some pastors and church leaders that play the niceness card, but they don’t actually care. They will go through the motions of caring because they have the mindset and say, ” it’s my job” and when they are finished going through the motions, they will go home when it’s time to go off the clock. Some church leaders and pastors know the right words and actions, but, they don’t really care.

I’ve gone to a number of churches in my life. My church had a pastor who showed up on time because it was his responsibility. I’ve mentioned this in a couple of blogs a few years ago. There was a huge split in my church because of his actions. He would pray for people and said the right words.

One of my dear friends Dena Allen who’s with the Lord now would come home from church and felt defeated.  Dena was was hard of hearing, in her 80’s and knew more about the Bible than anyone I knew. I stopped going to church at that time because I couldn’t stomach what he was doing. I got to know him on a personal level and I feel like that was one of the main reasons I stopped going. It was at that point when I decided to check out Oasis Community Church.

Pastor Marc always listened to those at the church. Even if you weren’t a member, he was there and so were the people at church. When he said that we should be witnessing and going outside of the building and reach those who can’t go to church. Reach those who have left and have been hurt for one reason or another. He had Bible studies in his home. If I had a problem and needed to talk, he came to take and to pray with me and for me without asking.

When my daughter Jessica called me when I was in the hospital, she asked me if I could get a wedding together in 2 weeks. Most of that year, I was in the hospital At that time, I only went to that church for a couple of months, if that. I called the pastor and he got on the phone to a number of church members. I was blown away by the pastor.

He performed the wedding, we had a friend come and play a portable piano for the wedding march. My friend Dawn did all of the decorations and my friend Ramona made all of the food. I didn’t have to ask for anything and nobody would take money from me. I was and still, am beyond humble because of what they did. Three days after the wedding, I was back in the hospital for another 2 months.

There is also another small church here that did the same thing. All I had to do was mention that I was having a difficult time physically and that pastor came knocking at my door and he was there for me without asking.

While I was watching the service from the church in Tucson, I was reminded that even though a person may have the job of being a pastor or church leader, it doesn’t mean that the pastor or whoever is truly kind to others. When he said this, it made me sad because I’ve always felt that pastors are given a special gift by shepherding the congregation and are doing what is right. However, some pastors just think of it as a job, not a calling.

The pastor that was at my church almost destroyed it. Our church was affiliated with American Baptist Churchs. We had to get serious held from the ABC church district offices. It took many years for our church to heal. At that time and while I was listening to the sermon a week or so ago, I realized that not all pastors have what’s best for the people in the church their hearts.

While I was praying along with the pastor that I was watching, I was praying and God let me know that even though I love music and I would want to be a singer, but singing isn’t the gift that God gave me. It’s the same thing with pastors and it was with Pastor Wayne. He wanted to be a preacher and he went to seminary I think at Moody Bible College. He graduated, but he wasn’t called to be a pastor just because he wanted to. Instead of leading the sheep in the church, he became the wolf and destroyed lives and most of the people left the church and he didn’t care. He was doing what he wanted to do.

Lately, I haven’t felt like I’m not being Spiritually fed. I listen to a number of churches through streaming. The pastor was talking about how we are told to be Christlike.

John 6:27 “Do not work for the food which perishes, but for the food which endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you, for on Him the Father, God, has set His seal.”

At the end of the sermon, the pastor asked a question about kindness. He instructed those who were listening. He asked everyone if we are kind. Of course, he couldn’t see the responses from everyone watching. Are we being kind to those around us, or do we think and speak negatively to, or about, them? Being kind is no small or easy thing. When we show kindness to those in our lives we yield positive fruits in our lives and to those around us.

I know this blog is a bit scattered. I hope you could keep up with it. I had a lot of things on my mind lately and that’s why I’m doing this post in 2 or 3 parts.

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Our way of living and our world has become face-paced and people want instant gratification. Twenty years ago the internet would take anywhere from five minutes to thirty minutes. There was no WIFI connections. We had AOL as the main internet company that most people used because they would send free CD’s in the mail and they would offer 100 free hours of internet.  The speed was either 56K and it took a while to connect.  We thought we had everything at lightening speed and we could fill our time with learning about anything we want to learn. For those who have never heard what dial up sounds like, you can watch this 30 second video.

What we thought was exciting and educational, the internet ended up being a curse in many ways. Hours were wasting away because of all of the things we could fill our minds with. Everything became fast-paced and we had instant gratification. When we had to wait the extra 10 minutes waiting for a web-page to open, it become frustrating and at times painful. We had countless possibilities and opportunities.  While time was being spent spending hours and sometimes days in front of the computer screen, life was passing us by.

I would spend time chatting to people who I didn’t know in a chatroom in Angelhaven. I didn’t know the people on the other side of the computer screen. I spent more time speaking to strangers then I did with my family. Eventually the chatroom’s closed and Myspace took over. Myspace was all over the place. Pictures can be shared and conversations galore. And then more time was being spent away from our real lives. Hours and days passed quickly. Facebook ended up taking over the internet by storm and even more hours and days are spend away from real life.

Then there came a time when my daughters were graduating and they got married, and now I have grandkids. It seems as if the time being spent with loved ones are in front of the computer or smart phones instead of spending time together face to face. I don’t think all of these advances in technology is a good thing. These advances have taken away real relationships in our every day lives.

I’ve found that since I have a number of medical problems prevent me from regularly going to church. So, instead I watch church on youtube or on ROKU. I watch Oro Valley Church of the Nazarene in Tucson, AZ or Sutherland Springs First Baptist Church in Sutherland Springs, Texas. While I always feel blessed from their services, it isn’t good to not worship with other Christians in our day to day lives.

One of the sermons I was listening to at Oro Valleys youtube channel was about how we should be patient while were waiting for God to direct our paths. There have been a number of things that I have been praying to God for answers. I do feel like He has given me those answers.

While I was praying and searching the internet for Bible verses, I realized that even though our experiences may be different, we all face crossroads and we face seasons of waiting at some point in our lives. For about a year and a half, I’ve been on the high speed internet connection. our WIFI connections are now 500 Mbps and takes literally a couple of seconds to connect to the internet. But, this is one of those times it’s best that our lives should be on the 56K dial up connection. Instead of wanting everything in seconds, we should be taking it slow.

 If you’re struggling now, and you haven’t heard from God yet ( or maybe you haven’t accepted His answer), I’ve found a few Bible verses that have helped me find comfort and hope. God has a plan for all of us and when I’ve been feeling stuck, I hold onto these words and they bring me hope that brighter days are just ahead.

• Isaiah 40:31“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
• Lamentations 3:25“The Lord is good to those who wait for him, to the soul who seeks him.”
• Psalm 27:14“Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.”

I wanted to do this blog post soon than later.

I’ve been in tears for over a while now because I know it’s  close to the time where I need to let him  go to the Rainbow Bridge. But, I’m heart broken over it and I he needs me to be there, even though a part of my soul is going with him. My dog Jasper is my shadow.

I rescued him from these people that was getting rid of him because he sheds too much. my daughter Jessica found him for me.  If I didn’t take him, they were going to lie to the animal shelter and tell them that he bit their kids. Jasper doesn’t bite at all unless it’s food. Jasper did knock the kids down while playing. The kids would run around their house and Jasper would run after the kids to play.

This picture is what happens to animals in shelters who are destroyed because they would be considered unadoptable or no body would adopt them . Had it not been for me learning the truth about Jasper would have been killed just like these dogs.  since the people said that Jasper bit her children, he would never have been adopted because of the lie and he would have been murdered the moment he arrived. Animals who are considered dangerous or unhealthy have no chance of being adopted. The only chance Jasper would have had is if the shelter seen for themselves that they were lying. But, if an owner brings their pets in and says they bit or was aggressive, they have to do what the owner said.  Our shelters are no kill now, but it wasn’t until 3 or 4 years ago.   

People like that makes me sick. But, I am thankful at the same time. if  it wasn’t for them, I would never have gotten to know him and to have him in my life. Since I know that he is going to be going over the Rainbow Bridge soon, I’m trying to build lasting memories of Jasper.  I’m taking lots of pictures and doing videos of him. I always watch his food intake and now I’m letting him eat what he wants and as often as he wants. I’m not going to tell him to not eat what he wants. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I have many medical issues and my blood pressure goes up to 230/120 when I’m stressed or running around. I don’t even know how I’m going to be.

Jasper

Jasper eating a cookie

Jasper in my robe

The three pictures above is when I first go Jasper. The middle one is Jasper eating a cookie that I was eating. I was training him or I thought I was. Instead, he was training me, lol.

I hope people don’t get upset when I constantly talk about Jasper. Our pets are not just pets, they are family.  I’ve also had people tell me that he will be in a better place. I just hope they don’t say that when he goes to sleep. The better place is with me, not anywhere else.

I do feel that when animals die that there is a special place for them. God created all things. I get very frustrated and upset when people say they just die. If animals can tell when we are sad or need help, they are there. Their love is unconditional, not like humans. Animals have emotions, they cry and smile. They demonstrate love and compassion. There are times when I’m having a bad day and I get upset with them because they either pee’d on something, got in a fight or whatever, and yet they are forgiving and non judgmental.

When I get upset over Jasper barking all the time, I feel so much guilt. I tell him or whichever dog we have that I’m sorry and I shouldn’t have gotten mad and I shouldn’t have yelled at them. I know that I will carry a great deal of guilt when he’s gone. I know he doesn’t understand and probably can’t hear me when I love on him and full blown tears that’s I’m so very sorry that I got upset.

When I first got Jasper( October 13, 2011 ) his name use to be Buddah. As a Christian, Budda was not an option. My daughter Jessica actually chose Jasper’s name. When I brought Jasper home, he immediately became my shadow. I actually thought Jasper would attach himself to Jessica since she held Jasper all the way home.  Within an hour or two, Jasper knew I was his mommy. He follows me to the bathroom, outside, all over the house and so on. I use to let him sleep on our bed, but I stopped a while back since he started having problems getting on and off the bed. We bought stairs f or the bed, but he still had problems. We took the stairs down and stopped letting any of the dogs on our bed.

The reason I did that was because jasper would cry when he would see the others on the bed and he couldn’t. So, we just stopped letting any of them on there. if one can’t, then no can.

Jasper loves watching TV and himself. I did a video of our dogs Mattie and Maverick. Mattie I rescued from Arizona Almost Home Boxer Rescue in Arizona. Click here to see the video of him watching Mattie and Maverick.  I have many videos of Jasper watching TV or videos. I will be sharing some of those below.  I remember when I bought his first snoopy dog bed and all of the things. I knew I was going to have to do a memorial for Jasper, but I don’t want to do it right away after he goes to the Rainbow Bridge, I wanted to do this while he is alive.

• Jasper Misses His Buddies– Jasper is watching a video of Maverick and Mattie. We got Jasper about 2 months before Maverick and Mattie died from tainted dog food.
• The Dogs Rough Housing – This is Maverick and Mattie
• Dogs Barking at Dogs Barking on Computer 

I was talking to a friend who lost his dog Anna and his cat Bart recently. I have horrible memories of when I had Brandie, Maverick and Mattie put to sleep. I can’t watch any videos of animals being put to sleep. That’s because all I think about is when I had to put Brandie, Maverick and Mattie down. I have major anxiety over it and I have major meltdowns. I asked Eric if he was with Anna and Bart when they were put down. he said that he wasn’t. he couldn’t emotionally be there. Eric is one of those guys that I have a ton of respect for and that’s because of his love of animals, family and friends. Eric wears his heart on his sleeves and I appreciate that. So many people don’t care and it’s nice to see the love for his pets and others.

Eric Dodge is a Country Music Star, Author and Speaker (Check out his sites). While you can listen to Erics music on many outlets, he doesn’t make anything when people listen for free. So, let’s send a little bit of love his way and purchase his music.

• Eric Dodges Website
• Eric Dodges Music
• Eric Dodges Youtube Channel
• Eric Music on Amazon- Why Not Today

When he said he wasn’t there when Anna and Bart were put to sleep, I 100 percent get it. I have been thinking about how was I going to handle watching jasper put to sleep because of how I had so many problems when I had to be there for Brandie, Maverick and Mattie. To this day, I still have nightmares of that.

I think for myself I have a lot of emotions with seeing them dye in front of my eyes and in my arms reminds me of my Grandma Grace. This may sound crazy, but when my grandma died and all of us kids went to her funeral, my mom made us go up to my grandma and kiss her on the cheeks. I was only 10 yrs old.  My grandma gave me a dog as an early Christmas gift. His name was Spartacus. I only had him for a week when my grandma died on December 5th, 1973. After grandma died abut a month or so later, some boys took my dog and threw him in the river in the middle of winter. We lived in Indiana and Sparticus died in front of my eyes and in my arms. The boys dad thought it was funny and my mom said, ‘OH WELL”.  Sparticus was the only thing I had that my grandma gave me. Spaticus was a little Pekingese.

The picture above isn’t my dog or cat. I couldn’t put pictures of my dogs that we had to put to sleep. I have a hard time seeing our 4 legged family members dead. 

Anytime I’m with one of our pets (family members) when they die, my heart and mind goes back to that time. As I have been probably over thinking this, a show that I was watching always comes to mind and this is it. But, then I think about how a vet show that I was watching was talking about how. Most of the quote below I don’t agree with. I think there are pro’s and cons when it comes to having to put your loved one to sleep.  I think it’s them guilt tripping.  So, use your own judgement and don’t let anyone guilt you.

“I beg of you DO NOT LEAVE THEM,” “Do not make them transition from life to death that has those who they don’t know.  He also said that our pets will be searching for you if you just drop them off and then they die with nobody knowing them. They will think you are ABANDONING THEM.

This statement below is something I think the vet is wrong. There are times when people can’t be with their beloved pet. There are many reasons why. those reasons are maybe they can’t physically be there. For example an older person, medially unwell, out of town and a whole host of other reasons.

My God, can you imagine? I’m sorry, but if the thought of your beloved pet’s little face scanning a room full of scary, unfamiliar people, trying to find you, the human it loves, in the literal last moments before its death doesn’t move you to tears, you have no business owning an animal in the first place.

When I heard that, I had a tremendous amount of guilt. I love Jasper so much and all I can imagine is him being afraid and abandoned. I’ve gone through it many times and for some reason, this time it’s different. I loved my other dogs so much and I was there for them. I was also there for pets that we rescued that had to be put down because of how they would bite people and children. They were hostile and very aggressive. Even though we rescued them a week later, we couldn’t safely adopt them out. Or we had to put down sick dogs that had parvo or other medical conditions that they wouldn’t survive, so there is no need to make them suffer.

Out of all of the websites that I have been to that discusses euthanize I liked this one best and it discusses both sides.  Click Here: Vet Street

In closing, this is one of the comments that the vet shared on the video and the reason I will be there with Jasper. Even though I may have to go to my Dr so I can get a prescription for anxiety. I know I will have it big time.

From Vet Show- Don’t deny your animals the chance to feel as safe and loved in their last moments as they have their entire lives. They give us all their love. They deserve this.

This is going to be a series  of blogs about our dogs and why we rescued them from deplorable and abusive homes and hoards. I’m doing this series because I know there are some big changes coming in the next week or two. The pictures below is of Parker when we first rescued him and recently.

Parker’s Story- A Handful Of Cuteness

Parker Otober 2013

Parker has the cutest face

Parker- Cute Face 🙂

I’m sure many who knows me personally and on my Facebook pages knows about my dogs and how we rescue them from bad situations such as hoarding groups, high kill shelters and so on.  We’ve rescued boxers, pugs, cats, mixed breeds, birds, horses, goats, rabbits, lizards and other animals that didn’t ask to be put in dangers way.

Usually when we rescue an animal, we always look for a good home for them and homes are screened and the people interested are also. When rescue them, find good homes and that makes it so we can rescue another animal that’s being abused.  But, about 5 years ago, we decided to not re-home our pugs and our mixed pug/pekingese. And that is for the most part because Jasper, Parker and Henry became more than rescues, they became family. We always feel that all animals are more than animals, they are family. Well, not snakes and spiders.

We rescued Parker in October of 2013. That’s by the boarder of Mexico and 2 1/2 hours from Tucson.  My parents lived in a tiny little farm town called Elfrida, AZ. My mom and sister Brenda adopted a few puppies from this group. I asked my mom if she would get me information on the hoarding group. She did and these people at I would say well over 50 dogs and I have no clue on how many cats. These people had Pekingese’s, Pugs, Chihuahua’s and not sure what else. The county told the people that they had to get rid of all but 10 of the dogs and all males had to be fixed. I called the lady and told her that I’m going to go visit my parents and if they needed homes, then I may bring a couple back to Utah and re-home them. I had no intention of keeping them.

Douglas, Az is about 12-14 hours from where I live. But, I went anyhow. I met the lady and I was shocked at the conditions. All of these dogs lived in horrible condition’s and it made me sick.  After seeing the condition’s, I realized I couldn’t take more than one back. That’s because the medical needs for all of those dogs could be dangerous for my dogs. So, I did find Parker. He had one eye that he was blind in and he was in decent shape. With my husband and I living in a condo, we couldn’t take that many animals. St. George only allows 2 dogs and I had to get a special permit for Parker.

Since I volunteered for a rescue group in Arizona I was able to use the 501C3 status as a non-profit.  But, we brought Parker back with us. He was terrified of everything. He had extreme separation anxiety. In 3 days, he ate doggie doors, door frames, escaped out of enclosed and locked crates.  We took him to our vet and they told us that Parker was castrated like cows are castrated. The vet told me that they only seen that in one place and that was in Douglas, AZ.  When I told him that’s where we got him, he wasn’t surprised. While we were at the vets office we also made sure that he had all shots. The lady said she gave them shots, but there is no way I would believe that.  When the vet said he was castrated, it broke my heart. I couldn’t let Parker really hang out much with Jasper and Patsy. I’ll go into her story also in this series. I just want to give each of the dogs, their own story.

Anyhow, since we intended to find a good home for Parker, that was almost impossible because of his anxiety. He was highly destructive and afraid of anything and anyone. For the drive back home from Arizona, he was in my arms and had his face hidden in the crook of my arm. he wouldn’t eat, drink or anything for the 14 hour drive. He was terrified. Once we got into St. George we only had 5 minutes till we got home. But, as soon as we got off of the freeway, Parker lifted his head up. He must have known we slowed down and stopped at the light.

I told my husband that once we get home, we need to make sure to put Parker in the dog crate that we brought with us in case he tried to dart. We only used the crate while we were in the hotel in Tombstone and we learned really fast that Parker runs and hides. He ran under the bed and positioned himself so we couldn’t get him. Once we finally caught him, we made sure to put him in there and then drove the 3 hours to Phoenix and we got him a harness. While he was in the crate, he was literally trying to escape and he was flinging his crate with him in it all over the back of the car.  Since he was doing that, we had to get a harness where we can hold onto him and it hand a handle.

It took us a year to get to the point where he wasn’t afraid of us. He still trembles if we raise our voices and he hides.  Every time we thought he was ready for a new home, he was so afraid to even interact with anyone unless it was our family. My sister Joyce wanted him and we did let her have him. Joyce absolutely loves Parker. The only problem was her husband is a truck driver and Joyce and Ira took him on the truck with them for a few weeks. When they came home from being on the road, Parker was skin and bones. That was because he was very nervous and he is terrified of noises.  Semi trucks are very loud when it comes to airlines, horns and all of the road noises. From my understanding he was doing what he did when we first rescued him.

Even though my sister loves him, it wasn’t good for Parker. He was starving because of his anxiety. He didn’t want to even go potty when the truck was stopped. Now, my sister has visitation rights lol. Even though Parker loves Joyce, we realized that we could never re-home Parker. We’ve had Parker for 6 years now and he isn’t going anywhere. Parker is our problem child. The lady that we got him from said Parker was 8 months and he looked like he was still in his puppy phase.

I want to close this by saying that if anyone is looking for a pet, please try to rescue one. Animal shelters normally have all types of animals. I know many people wants puppies, but if you can save an animal, please give it a try. I’ve found that instead of me rescuing them, they rescue me.  There are many who will tell people to adopt instead of shop. There are benefits to both and even the animals in pet stores need to be rescued. I’ve bought before and usually it’s because I know the people who are breeding. But, I will always choose to adopting since shelters will kills animals if they aren’t adopted really fast. Usually they give them 5 days.

In the next day or two, I will share another rescue.

For a very long time I have been in the battle with our cable/internet company.  We have our basic cable and our internet with TDS. This is their website and I’m only putting it here to let people know to be aware of them and to protect themselves from overcharges, hidden charges and charges that are added that you never asked for. TDS Website…  

On Facebook I always see people asking other members of the Indoor Yard-sale page if they know of any good internet companies. They can expect a lot of experiences and many will comment the same way that I do. That comment would be that if they want to be cheated and lied to, then TDS is the place to go. They should try any company other than TDS.

My first run in with them was when they were still called BAJA Broadband. The company was sold to TDS in 2013. I found an article about the sale and you can click on this link. TDS buys Baja Broadband.  BAJA had a lot of issues and in my opinion I thought it was more about customer service issues. Also, while it was still BAJA Broadband, that’s when we found out that the salesman that came to our house to sign us up also signed us up for a package that includes cable, with the sports package and 2 premium channels (HBO and Showtime), internet and a phone. My husband and I don’t watch sports and never agreed to subscribe to the sports package and we didn’t watch HBO or Showtime. We had basic cable, not all the channels we don’t watch. With the phone, we never even knew we had the phone. They told us that it is a good thing to have and we could talk to people on our computer. But, never ordered the phone and a number of things. 

Since I worked in Sales and with customers, I can tell you first hand that if I was offering bad customer service to a customer, that they would more than likely tell their family members, friends and anyone who will listen. Then those that heard about your experience will share that with anyone and anyone. So, that one bad experience has been shared by not just the 10 or so people you told, but now those people are sharing with many others and it just gets worse from there. Then you have the age of the internet. People can tell anyone and everyone online, offer reviews and so on. So, If I gave someone a bad experience, then I would say that withing a day, over 50 people has heard of how bad I was and they would never do business with the company I worked at. I could also loose my job if the owner wanted to fire me. I found a website that describes this and it breaks it down on how dangerous it can be for a company who has bad customer service. This is the article that was written that shows the The Real Cost of Bad Customer Service (And How to Avoid It).

I went into the then BAJA and talked to the lady that is at the front desk/computers. She told me that I did have it and that it is this amount of money. I was dealing with this woman for three months. Finally someone in another room was listening and there was a lot of customers listening to this discussion. I explained to that lady that I never ordered those services and I’m not paying for what I didn’t use, know about or ask to have. She took me to the side and tried to get me to speak quietly, and that did NOT happen. I filed a report and she said she would talk to corporate and look into it. I figured she was just trying to push it under the rug. So, I made sure that she filed the papers while I’m watching and i wanted to hear her tell the gentleman on the phone what is going on and I wanted it on speaker phone.

I made sure they did it that way because I worked in customer service for 20 years and I know how people try to calm people down by “acting” like they are going to take care of it. I also got the guys name and number at corporate so I could follow up. I was totally shocked when I got a call from him a week later and then I received a letter in the mail a few days after that. They did a full investigation of what happened and they told me that they went back into my account and they checked to make sure that we never even tried to use a phone and there is no history of premium channels even being watched. Then he told me that they are reimbursing the overcharges that I was charged. I was expecting a couple of hundred. But he said I was overcharges $611.00 because of the things the salesman and the employee that worked in the front of the office. I was shocked. I know I was overcharged, but I felt stupid that I allowed these people to charge me so much.

And lately I have been feeling cheated again and my guess is that a lot of people are feeling the same way. Anytime I go into the TDS office, there are many in line that have their equipment in hand and they are canceling their service. Last month, there was a little old man that was just ahead of me and he had his equipment in his arms and was cancelling their service. The older man lives in an assisted living place and he didn’t realize he was being charged for things. He was yelling and very upset. BTW, the same lady that I was upset over the phone thing and overcharging is still working there and this poor man was livid. She added the phone to his internet. He never used it and never ordered it. Where he lived, cable was included. He was only subscribing to internet. I did talk to this man and I told him the same happened to me and with the same lady.

Since I did sales for so many years, I know that they earn a commission if they sign someone up for the service and for add ons. I know without a doubt that the woman that I tried to get  help with my problem from is getting commissions for all things she up-sales. A friend of mine worked there and she didn’t up-sale services like the phone, higher speeds for internet and whatever service they offer.  But, this gentleman was on his phone calling his lawyer right in front of this woman. Everyone could hear what was being said and oh man, I’m sure he is going to be a thorn in their side, even more so than me.

Then last week I called TDS to get a break down for my bill. For some reason I’m paying over $140.00 for basic cable and internet. The same lady again that works there refused to give me a breakdown of my bill. She said that she didn’t have the capabilities to view what all my services are and the charges. She said she can print me out a reciept and she gave me an 800 number to call customer service and to see if they will cut my bill down. I’m figuring she works in customer service, she has the computer in front of her, so she should be able to see what everything is on my account. She knows I’m not one to be quiet since I’ve called her out many times. I have no clue why she is still there.

The person who I called at TDS gave me the run down and said that they can put everything in a package and it would drop the price down.  When he told me that our basic cable is around $43.00 and then there is the charge for the DVR rental and that is $13.00. Then there are 2 additional charges for the DVR and one is for us even recording and I can’t remember the other charge that is attached to the DVR. But we only have 1 DVR and we have regular boxes for our other 2 TV’s. There were also a few other service charges and I can’t remember what they were. So, I was being charged a little over $100,00 for only cable. That includes no premiums. Our internet is a bit over $40.00 and we also have a fee for the modem.

I told the man that I’m trying to make sure if it is cost effective to keep our cable. he tried to offer me all kinds of discounts.  I let him know that My plans are to turn in all of my boxes and to cancel the cable. I don’t have any trust in a company that over charges and takes advantage of people. I also told him that they may want to look into those who work in customer service at our local TDS company. I will be keeping my Internet and since I already subscribe to HULU Plus, I just bumped that up so I now have all the channels that we have now and those channels we watch. We can also have a DVR. In order to get HULU Live, it was just $30.00 more than I’m already paying for HULU.

I told the man that I was talking to that  if they were honest and treated customers with respect and not cheat people then I would recommend them to those asking. But since I’ve had so many issues with them, there is no way I could ever recommend them.

In closing this blog out, I hope that people pay close attention to their bills and if something seems off, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.