When I Grow UP

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paisley1I was watching a video on Andrew’s Angels Facebook page. They posted a story about the whites. The father (Heath White) succeeded in every aspect of his life previously. And now he was told that the baby he and his wife were expecting was going to be born with down syndromes. Their little baby girl was born in 2007 and wasn’t prepared to raise a daughter with a disability. It took him awhile to accept this little baby. She wasn’t part of the plan? She wasn’t perfect? He was a runner and competed in marathons all over the world. He wanted his wife to have an abortion and now he runs races with Paisley. I will include the video of his story with Paisley. Check Out the Video!

Then my brain started rolling around ideas on what I wanted to be and what I would never be because of getting GBS and Myasthenia Gravis. When we are children or we have children we also have dreams. I had my idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to join the Air Force and go into the medical field. I also wanted to be a missionary in Africa.

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I read a book about these missionaries in Africa and the difference they made in lives of those they didn’t know. I wanted to make that kind of a difference to someone. My heart went out to these people who had nothing. And the missionaries spoke of how enriched their lives have been because of their experience. That was something I wanted to do and my heart was set on it. But that wasn’t in the cards.

Instead my life changed in a whole other direction. I ended up getting married at 17 and had my daughter when I barely turned 18. Originally my plan was to do the Air Force and Missions before I was 22 or 23 and then get married, have kids and live happily ever after. By the time I was 28 my life would be set in stone and all is well in the world. Now as an adult and parent, we all probably know that things don’t go as planned. I can’t actually say that my life turned out bad, because I have been blessed in many ways I never thought a person could be. As a child I couldn’t see what was real or what was part of a fantasy.

I never joined the Air Force. I never went on a mission to Africa. I got married at 17 and pregnant. I had my daughter at 18. If a stranger were to look at how things turned out, they would think I made a lot of horrible choices and that my life was ruined. That would be very far from the truth. If I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant when I did, I may never have had a child on my own due to medical problems. I ended up with Guillian Barre Syndrome while I was pregnant. From the outside looking in, you would think that my life would amount to nothing. Again, that is far from the truth.

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Beckiah (Red shirt) and Jessica (Black Shirt)

Because of my mistakes I had a beautiful daughter named Jessica. I am still married to her father. It has been 33 yrs this October. I did end up very sick and was told by my pastor that I made mistakes, but God can make something good out of the bad we do. And he was right. Since I never could get pregnant again, we ended up adopting a daughter that is just 4 months younger than Jessica. I wanted to stay home and be the mom and I babysat. I babysat for Beckiah and at the age of 7, she became our daughter.

Just like the father who had his life planned out. He was expecting a perfectly healthy child and a life that didn’t have bumps along the way. But that isn’t how life works. We are given bumps, trials, tribulations and what I find exciting is we are given grace and forgiveness. I would never have picked the life I have if I was given a choice way back when. But now, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. My thought is that things may not be just like I want, but God knew and knows what I needed. And I still have that desire to go on a mission. But I have come to the conclusion that we all live in a mission field. We don’t have to go out of the country to be missionaries.

Heath White grew to love his daughter and eventually he looked at her and knew she was perfect. She had a future, even if it wasn’t the one he wanted for her. He is in the middle of writing a book to his daughter, which is awesome.

Basically, I will leave with this thought. Even the grandest plans and most perfect people will fail. That’s because we are human and we have human emotions. God has the perfect plan for our lives.

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