Dr’s and more Dr’s! I went to my pain management Dr and once again they were stressed and worried about my blood pressure. My blood pressure on this visit was 220/113 or something like that. When I seen the blood pressure, I was thinking that my Dr was going to send me back to the ER to get treated. By now this is becoming a routine. The kind of routine that is basically worthless because there isn’t much they can do to bring it down. It’s one of those things that is what it is.

Because of the Myasthenia Gravis, my muscles don’t work like they should which puts extra stress on organs and such. The medications they give me for the blood pressure in my opinion is just a waste of time because they are doing now good. But then when I ask them about the meds, they tell me that without them my blood pressure would be much higher. Maybe they are right in some weird way.

I was telling my one Dr that what bugs me is that the medications he gives me is making me gain weight. He told me as he was writing out the prescription that I will notice weight gain and swelling. But I needed this medication to prevent a stroke. I get that it is important to take medicine to prevent a stroke and that my Dr’s are obviously concerned over that. But in my brain, I’m thinking the weight gain can also be dangerous when it comes to my blood pressure.

I did talk to one of my Drs about this and he understood where I was coming from. Not that he couldn’t do anything about it, but he understood. You see, my way of thinking is that if you have additional weight and I have gained more than my share of weight it causes your heart and lungs to work harder. If it is causing your heart and lungs to work harder,  it is a given that it will increase your blood pressure. So there is the weight gain issue and then there is the pain issue.

My pain management Dr has been really good at trying to come up with a good pain management plan. But there is only so much they can do because of the way my muscles work or should I say don’t work. If the medications I take become to sedative than my breathing becomes too shallow. They can’t do surgery because I can’t be knocked out because I don’t wake up. Plus as soon as I go to sleep my O2 drops into the 70’s even with oxygen. If something could be fixed, it couldn’t be done in surgery unless they could do it as a local.

I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining because I try not to do that. But I do have to say that I am getting Dr’d out. The pain management Dr now wants me to see an Endocrinologist. To me, it is just another Dr that won’t be able to do much about what is going on because my body fights itself since what I have is auto immune. It’s a vicious cycle for the most part. When I think of adding another Dr to my medical team, I think of how much it is a waste of time.

When my pain management Dr asked how I deal with this and all the headaches and other medical things I had to give all that credit to God. The Dr’s give medicine and diagnosis’s that they can’t do anything about, change or make better. It isn’t something that is going to go away. But I know without a doubt that God is there. I know He has a much better plan and I guess I’m not really worried about my medical things in the same way my Dr’s are and that is because of my faith.

Now, there are days that God and I have to have some one on one discussions and I’m not in the best of moods. I don’t like the whole Job situation. Job in the Bible was tempted and pretty much lost everything and was broken by Satan. But he remained loyal to God. He was rewarded in the end, but he sure went through a lot to get to that point. I have to say that is one of my least favorite books in the Bible at times.

I don’t believe that God wants us to suffer and that He has a plan. There are times I get angry with God and wonder what the heck is going on. But I don’t lose faith in Him because I know that the end result is worth anything we as humans go through.

When I go into my “I want to have a pity party mode”, I think of those who are children that are facing death and uncertain outcomes. I think of the parents who are sitting there holding the hands of their child as the cancer monster claims their child’s life. And yet, they remain faithful and strong in knowing God is there with them. I can’t begin to understand that kind of horror. I can’t begin to understand going through that without knowing God is there.

I had a friend one time tell me that I needed to have more faith, not just talk about it, but to give it all to God. I thought about that statement for a long time and it really bothered me and still does on some levels. It was almost like she was saying that it isn’t OK to be angry to ask God what is going on. God knows how I feel and what I am thinking. Even when I don’t know or I don’t put it in the right words, He knows.

Each person who goes through things deals in a different way. Sometimes that is with anger, resentment or maybe running away from the situation. These children and parents can’t run away from the situation. People that have horrible diseases can’t run away. And I believe it is Ok to ask God why. Asking God why doesn’t mean you don’t trust Him or have faith. It is because someone may not understand and they need to know that God or someone is listening.

It’s because of the strength of these children and their families that I can say that what I deal with is very small in comparison. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. We may think we can’t and many times I do think it is beyond our ability to deal with these things on our own. For me atleast, I need to know that God is there. My favorite verse in the Bible is Psalm 46:1. And that verse says ‘God is my refuge and strength, ever present in times of trouble.” That verse gives me hope. It tells me that God is always there and that He will never leave me.

How people that don’t know God and have the certainty that God is there no matter what is difficult and sad for me. This world can destroy and break a person if they don’t have someone like God on their side. To think about going through health issues, death of loved ones, and a whole basketful of other things that can and does happen without God is hard for me to imagine. If I didn’t have God and know that Christ died for me and that I was forgiven for my wrong turns and bad choices, life wouldn’t be worth living.

To me, life would be senseless if there was no hope. Because Christ died for me, I have hope and peace. It doesn’t mean I don’t get angry and upset. It means that I know that no matter what God has my back. And the very thought of thinking that there is no God or that He isn’t there through good and bad is more of a nightmare to me. 

I would say that I have a Dr in almost every specialty when it comes to my medical care. But the Dr that really counts is Christ. He is the one that can heal in whatever sense He chooses. Healing isn’t always curing. Healing can mean a variety of things. To me the ultimate healing is when you get to heaven and there is no more pain, suffering, tears and Christ is present. In this world there will never be complete healing. Someone may go into remission or symptoms cease. But everyone will die at some point. Nobody leaves this world without dying unless Christ comes again and we are taken. Christ being the perfect man had to die on the cross in the most horrible way. But He lives now.

I do have to admit that because of my medical things it has opened many doors and given me many opportunities to witness to people I would have never gotten the chance to witness to. When the test results shows one thing and I’m still here and defying what the Drs think should be, I can honestly tell them that I am here because of God’s grace. God has a bigger plan than anyone can comprehend. I don’t understand and I can’t begin to understand what is going on when it comes to God. Our minds can’t understand and grasp that kind of power and love. We were born into sin and we will die because of sin. But we will live because of Christ and the blood that was shed by Him on the cross.

Right now I am frustrated because they want me to see another Dr that can’t do anything for the most part. So this post is a bit of a vent, but also a affirmation that no matter what any Dr says I have a better physician that knows what is what and He already has the test results and He didn’t need a MRI, Sleep Study, Echocardiogram, Cat Scan, Spinal Tap, Blood draw and whatever other test Dr’s may say needs to be done.

I will close this post now since it was longer than I wanted It to me, but I wanted to voice my thoughts and opinion. And since writing is what helps me more than pills, I will take you all along on my journey. Thank you all for letting me vent and share with you all…