My husband and I stopped doing Valentines a long time ago.  I know it must sound pretty crazy that we don’t make a big day because it is the day of love. If people want to celebrate the day, that is fine. Each person has a right to do that. But I don’t need a specific day to tell let those I love know that I love them.  I find that days like Valentines are way to commercialized. I don’t see February 14th as a day of love. I see it as a day when the florists and candy makers are making a mint of people.

I get nothing out of someone giving me a gift, card or whatever else because they feel like they are obligated. Instead we enjoy doing things for each other to surprise them with gifts or spending time together throughout the year.

When I worked at Lins Marketplace and would help with flowers and balloons, I can’t even count how many husbands and boyfriends would come in looking for anything and everything just to keep them out of the doghouse. They would point out how their loved ones told them if they didn’t buy roses, candies, teddy bears or balloons, the might as well not come home. I felt bad for the men who thought they would be heading to divorce court if they didn’t buy something for the quote unquote person that they love. I would prefer to get nothing instead of my husband feeling like he has to give me something.

I can’t talk about this day without sharing some history about it. I was actually surprised to find out that most people don’t know that this day is named for Saint Valentine or Valentines. While I do find that a little sad, it is understandable. Here in the US, we don’t talk about Saint Valentine much. This holiday is all about love (well, love, candy, flowers, and food!). If you would like to learn more about the history of Valentines, Click Here. 

I never really thought much about Valentines day and how it can be hard on some people. My daughter came home from school one day and she was in tears. Her sister received a number of Valentines cards and also had a date for the night. My other daughter didn’t. I was wondering why she was so upset. She and I had a talk and she was depressed because she felt nobody cared about her and that nobody loved her. I took this very seriously.

Valentines Day for the most part focuses entirely on love and romantic relationships. It is great for those who are in a romantic relations, but for those who aren’t it is a source of depression and many may isolate themselves.   Many people who doesn’t have a Valentines may find it more difficult to go to work, school  because of others getting chocolates or roses delivered to those around them. For most single people it could be a minor inconvenience, but for others who suffer from depression or other mental illnesses the feelings of isolation and loneliness could be much worse.

I was reading up on how Valentines Day is a source of depression for many. Here is a bit of information on how to deal with depression and isolation.

Fighting Valentine’s Day depression (src, Sovereign Health of California)

The time during and after Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be depressing. Here are five things anyone can do to beat depression year-round:

• Have perspective. Valentine’s Day isn’t an official holiday; nobody’s being commanded to be involved with another person. If you’re alone and beating yourself up, have a day where you’re good to yourself for once.
• Focus on giving love rather than receiving it. The love people feel is often the love they give to the rest of the world. Volunteering could be a good outlet.
• Think of the people close to you. Be it family members or friends, not every relationship needs to be romantic to be fulfilling. Anyone with friends is fortunate, and a strong social safety net is helpful in fighting depression.
• Be in the present. Don’t think about relationships that ended poorly – they’re history and over with. Also, don’t think about future relationships or fantasies about someone you’re not involved with.
• Get exercise. Get out of the house and stay active. Exercise releases endorphins, which can lift moods.

While I was blowing up balloons at my work place a customer told me that her husband better get her something for Valentines or she is considering leaving her. She would not be humiliated if he forgot. It wasn’t like she wanted a small bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. What she wanted would have costed her husband well over $100.00. The roses alone would have been $89.00. She wanted the best of the best. I actually became angry with her and called her a shallow person.

A few years ago a friend of mine was commenting on how excited she was about Valentines day. She was super excited and I asked her why. She told me that it is because her husband always gets her something good. There was no mention of how she was excited to spend time with her hubby or how much she loved him.  She had no plans on getting him anything. She was all about what she was going to get.

I don’t understand why a woman would think it is OK to put their husband or boyfriend in that position. I don’t want to include everyone in this comment. I think there are some genuine guys out there who wants to  shower their loved ones with gifts. By why is it that these gestures have to be for one particular day?

What I would like to say to those women who thinks that nobody loves them because they didn’t get a stupid heart-shaped box of chocolates or a rose that will die, you are worth more than that. I don’t need a candy or gifts to tell me how someone feels about me. I would think that spending time together with each and everyday is invaluable.Gifts are nice once in a while, but I don’t have to have a gift to tell me how valuable I am.  We just understand that we value our time together each and every day.

In closing, I don’t want to say that Valentines Day is a bad day, I won’t judge others if they choose to celebrate it. For those who have a Valentine it is a good day to reflect and look closer at your relationship. I would say that it is a good day to remember why you have fallen in love the first place and it is a good day to do something nice for one another.

Mainly I want to say to each person is that each and every one of us has a Valentine and that is Jesus Christ. He is better than any box of chocolate or vase of roses.