Month: March 2017

A friend of mine that I met many years ago online wrote a status on her Facebook that said, “I hate feeling that I have to be everyone’s “rock”.” I adore this friend and she has a heart of gold. I pray that she is able to find her happy place.

I have felt like this from time to time until a friend told me nobody expected me to be the “rock”. At first I was upset until we talked about it a bit more and I could understand why my friend told me this, and he is right.

This is my reply to her message;

“You know what I think about this and I hope it doesn’t come off as being bad. I have always had the mindset that I had to be strong for everyone else. When in reality, that wasn’t the case. They never asked for me to be strong for them, I just took it upon myself as if that is how it should be. In reality, I was making it more difficult for those around me by me thinking it had to be me doing everything and being “supermom”, “super friend” and the all around person to carry the burdens. It took me many years to realize that it wasn’t my job to be the person to hold everyone up. My job was to pray for those who needed prayers.

My job was to listen and hold hands. My job was to take care of myself or I couldn’t be there for anyone else. We are human, we aren’t super humans. We aren’t rocks or we would be made a rock. God is who we should be going to when we need help. Jesus Christ is our Rock. He is our Strength. I would say, give yourself a chance to be you and take care of yourself. God has it all figured out and He is more than capable of being our ROCK and Fortress. I have learned a long time ago when a pastor told me that I was doing more harm by thinking I had to do it all when nobody expected me to do it all. “

When I think about my own need to come in and save the day, I can honestly say that there is no way I could possibly “save the day”. It wasn’t my responsible. It is as if we humans have this damaged damsel in distress kind of mentality. It was time to swoop in and rescue the person in distress and take off for safer lands.

• Nahum 1:7 – The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.

A Bit of a Reality Check:

I didn’t really understand why a person who claimed to be my friend would tell me that I couldn’t and shouldn’t be the person to come to her aid. She didn’t need me to save her. All she needed was for me to be her friend and to listen. That was until I had a friend that thought she needed to be my savior.

A good friend of mine who I have known for many years was awesome when it came to her being there for me. It has been many years since I last talked to her because of this experience. But, she knew that I was going through a hard time physically. She came close to being the princess on the white horse where she would ride in to save the day. I didn’t mind her being there and it was totally awesome that she would listen to me. It is hard to find good listeners these days. She was awesome. But, I allowed it to go to far.

I would confide in her on all things. Everyone needs that one friend that you can tell everything to and they don’t judge you and they tell you what you need to hear. I didn’t see how much she became more important in my life than those in my family. If I had a problem, I would go to her. If I wasn’t feeling good or frustrated, I would go to her. She was the first person I would call when it came to any decisions I would make. I didn’t realize how much of a toxic situation it had become. So much so, that it was as if I was allowing her to make important choices for my life. She wanted to be my savior and I was allowing it to happen.

Then one day, something happened, or should I say clicked. I was talking to some family members and I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. She had this whole plan on how she had to help me in all areas of my life. She had this idea that I had to do things the way she did since she obviously went to college and so she said a higher education and more life experience.

She would take care of my business matters behind my back and not say anything to me. I had no clue that she was calling people in my life and making decisions about what she thought I should be doing. Even when she moved away, she was still doing that. She wanted full access to a lot of things in my life. She would send me emails about all kinds of weird things. Not only did she try to dictate what I needed to do in my private life, she also contacted people at my church. If I didn’t do things the way she instructed, then all of a sudden she would turn into someone else. It was her way or no way. There is no way I could live up to her standards and I could not live in her world.

There was a great deal of lies and manipulations that went on in that toxic friendship. I never realized half of what she said to others. I was floored by a lot of it. I had a great deal of respect for her. After that friendship, I have to say that I have never trusted anyone in the same way. She was great when it came to quoting the Bible. She was also really good at telling me that I was having all of these medical problems in my life because I wasn’t trusting her enough and I wasn’t trusting God. I needed to trust more. I think she was wanting me to trust her more. her lies began to unravel and life seemed to settle down.

I would like to warn anyone out there that if you have a friendship or a relationship with someone and you notice that the person who was supposedly stronger than you are gets in the way of family relationships and your relationship with Christ, you should run as fast as you can.

She was great at reminding me that she is here for me and that I can lean on her. NO, that is not how it goes. I can only lean on Christ and nobody else. Like I told my friend, it isn’t her job to be the rock of the strong person. Her job is to be there for the other person and to listen. Her job is to pray and offer comfort. Her job, my ex-friends job and my job is NOT to be the strong person or the rock.

In closing, I want to say that if we take on that role to be the strong person in everyone else’s life, then why would they ever want to turn to Christ, I can’t be the person to come in to save the day for anyone. I can be the person to be there for them, love on them and pray for them.

My favorite Bible verse is, “God is our refuge and strength, ever-present in times of trouble.” I honestly believe this.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

I don’t know about you, but there has been times when I would spend time with someone who I wasn’t particularly fond of. It bothered me that all she knows how to do is bicker and gripe. She finds fault in just about anything or any one… even when life seems to be going right . It is difficult to be around someone who finds in everything and with everyone.

I hope that I’m not the kind of person that people don’t like to be around. Even though I do have my moments. I would like you to take a moment and think about a time when you have been around a person who goes out of their way to be kind to others. I will do a little comparison on what the difference is when a person is kind and when someone is being downright hateful or demeaning.

These are just a few examples of a nice person: 

• Integrity : Someone that has Integrity  would be a person who has strong moral principles and values and then living your life.  When you have integrity, you adhere to choose to live your life with integrity whether or not other people are watching.
• Respectfulness: When you treat others with dignity, courtesy and in a civil manner, you are treating them with kindness. I believe that all people should be treated with respect.
• Compassion: When you honestly feel sympathy for the suffering of others and you have a desire to do something for them to take away their suffering, that is called compassion.
• Courageousness: Even if a person is fearful, in pain or they have other uncomfortable feelings, you mentally know that you have to step in to help instead of running away. You step up to the plate.
• Generosity: A person who is generous is someone who is willing to offer their time, energy, emotions or other things. They do things for others without the expectation of getting something in return.
• Kindness:  When you are showing kindness to others, it is with the intent of being helpful and considerate towards others.Those who show unconditional kindness has a positive disposition.

What does the Bible say about kindness?

As a Christian when I think about what it means to be kind, the first thing or person I think about is Jesus Christ Himself.

Titus 3:4-6: But when the kindness of and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. (NIV)

These are just a few examples of a hateful person: 

 

As I consider some traits of a person who is mean or demeaning, I think about some people in my life. which is way to many. Could you imagine how much nicer life would be if we got rid of some if not all of these trait.

• Rudeness – When a person is rude it means that they are offensive, embarrassing and impolite.  
• Toxic people are manipulative. The toxic and manipulating person are able to get people to do what they want them to do. They have the mindset that it is all about them. They will do whatever they need to do in order to accomplish their goal.
• Selfishness: Selfishness can somewhat fit into the toxic person who is also manipulated. They have their wheels turning in their little heads as they plot and scheme. They are uncaring and they always have the “Me First” trait. They wouldn’t think of sacrificing anything for anyone and they do expect things in return.
• Conceited –  When a person is conceited it means that they have a high opinion of themselves. They are fast to point out how small others are and how great they are.
• Not Responsible: The have no intention of taking responsibility for themselves. They are fast to point out the faults of others, They take no responsibility for their own feelings.
• Unreliable –  When a person is unreliable, that means that they can’t be depended on. I have known way to many people who have fallen into this category. After a few times of being burned, I have learned that I can’t rely on them for showing up or doing what they have said they would do. There have been times I was supposed to be somewhere and I never made it. 

While there are times that I don’t want to be nice and I am teetering on the I want to hit someone over the head with a hammer kind of thought, I realize that isn’t what I should be doing. I do have a temper and I go off once in a while, I strive to be more like Christ.

There are many areas that I need to work on in my life. There have been people at church who have come up to be and would say how nice I am and how I would never say this or that. I just want to say that I am human and I do make mistakes.

Now I want to take a look at what the Bible says about being kind.

Throughout the Bible we are commanded  to be kind (Gal 5:22; Eph 4:32; Col 3:12), even to our enemies (Lk 6:35). I’m willing to bet that the reason for God wanting us to be kind is because He is kind Himself, even when there are people who are ungrateful and aren’t kind at all and may even border on wickedness. (Lk 6:36).

• Galatians 5:22 (NIV) – ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
• Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) – ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
• Colossians 3:12 (NIV) –¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
• Luke 6:35-36 (NIV) – ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

There are many who feel that their salvation depends on their good works and deeds. I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but it doesn’t happen like that. We can only be saved because of God’s grace—an expression of God’s kindness.

 How  can we practice kindness in our own lives? 

1. One of the ways I try to intentionally focus my life on being kind to others is by examining how I interact with others. I ask myself a couple of questions. The first one I ask is how is it that I have been kind to others and the other is for God to let me know how I have been unkind to others.
2. For me, I like to list ways that I may be able to help others and then set in motion ways to reach those who are lost and lonely. It doesn’t take very much to show kindness to others.
3. One of the most important tools I use when it comes to examining my heart and being kind to others is to pray. One way you can start is to pray and ask God to show His love and kindness through you this week.
4.  Now may be a good time to ask God’s Holy Spirit to show you the areas in your life where you need to change or improve on being kind to others. I do want to say that if you ask God to reveal the areas you need help, be ready for an answer. I have found that He is always ready to help me come to terms with the things I have done in my life which would include the good, bad and the ugly. Once you ask him about what areas you need to improve on, be ready to act upon His answer and be willing to accept help to overcome those areas.

I want to share a link with you all that you may find interesting. As I was writing this blog post, a local country artist came to mind. His name is Eric Dodge. I have noticed over the past few years that his life and messages has turned into inspiration and kindness. He wrote a book called, “Why Not Today?” Part of the description on the book says”…let go of our fears, let go of what is holding us back, and just let go of what we cannot change. We have one life to live. Why not see what we can do with it? Why not face our fears! And, Why Not Today? Are you ready to begin your journey with me? There is no better time to face our fears and chase our dreams.” I’m bringing this up because he was letting fear hold him back from being the person that God intended him to be.

I think many times we humans have a way of not stepping out of our comfort zone. Fear seems to take precedence over making a difference in other people’s lives and in our own. Now may be a good time to practice kindness in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

May the Lord be with you this week as you seek to be kind to others!