Thinking About My Mom

My mom died almost 2 yrs ago. I know she is in a better place, but even knowing that, I still feel like she should be here.

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My mom- Winnie Elder

The last time I seen her was APRIL 23, 2015. Mom passed away on August 21st 2015. if you would like to read her obituary that I wrote, you can click here to read more about my mom.

Today while I was watching TV this commercial came on that I probably read way to much into it. But it was about a little girl who is guilt tripping her parents into hiring a maid to clean their house so her parents can give her 100 percent of their attention. She made sure to mention that she is cute also But, while I was watching it, I started thinking about my mom and how I was raised. If you want to read that blog and my thoughts, it is the post right before this one.

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Stock Photo- Child standing on a drawer to reach the sink. 

Like I said, I was thinking about my mom when this commercial came on. I was thinking about how the first time I did dishes on my own I was around 4 or 5. It’s so long ago, so, I am guessing at my age. I had to step on an old wooden crate so I could reach the faucet. My parents were gone and I wanted to show them that I can do dishes now. I was so proud of myself. You would have thought I just won a huge prize since I was so happy that I could do them and I did them alone. That was somewhat short-lived since I just proved to them that I could do dishes, so guess who got to do KP duty? Yeppers, it was me.

 

As I was remembering how I could do dishes and soon after I was doing other chores in the house and in the yard. I’m pretty sure I grumbled a lot since I hated doing house work I was more athletic and that is what I chose to do and didn’t get to unless I finished my chores. There were 5 kids in our family and I was stuck in the middle. We only had one boy in the family. We all thought he could and did get away with anything and everything. Here is a list of chores I did when I was under the age of 10.

  1. do dishes
  2. hang clothes on the close line since we had no dryer
  3. help make dinner if she needed help
  4. fold clothes
  5. clean the bathroom
  6. vacuum and dust usually on Saturdays. My mom would make us vacuum in this weird pattern. i guess she wanted to make sure we did it right.
  7. feed and water the dogs
  8. rake the yard and pull weeds if needed
  9. and more…
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I lived in this house when I was a teenager. If you look at the window that has the shorter green shrub, that was my bedroom. I escaped out of that window many times, lol. 

My favorite chore was helping my mom plant flowers. She loved roses. Her favorite color is the yellow ones. She would come home from the nursery in Willcox AZ. with flats of flowers. While I hated digging in the dirt and pulling weeds, I loved it when I got to help with the flowers. I would fake sleeping when it came to the weeds and digging. My sister Joyce also helped and loved it. Those were our favorite memories when it comes to actually spending time with mom. My husband and I along with my sister went past our old house in Willcox and it was a sad moment. My mom had one of the most beautiful yards, now it is far from pretty. Before we moved into this house/trailer, it looked like this.

 
I can’t help but smile when I see yellow roses. I have one that just bloomed the other day. I was talking to my mom and 12916726_10206172453127124_5914870141287867297_oasked God to send me a message about if my mom is doing good and to tell her hi and that I love her. Usually when I ask for a sign, I ask for a cool breeze that would be strong. He took me literally. It was just the other day when I asked. I knew a storm was coming, so I was pretty sure it would be windy. When I started my conversation the wind was calm as can be. Then all of a sudden the wind came roaring in like a lion. The temperature drastically dropped. I grabbed my camera to take a video of the storm. You can hear the thunder and the wind was enough to knock me over.

As I was videoing the storm, I turned to my left and I seen the one and only yellow rose bloom. It still wasn’t opened when I got home around 3 and at that moment it started to open. It was such a surreal moment. You can see the yellow rose waving hi in the wind. If you want to see the video for the wind, here is the video with the sole yellow rose. I would also like to say that about 5 minutes after I took this video, the wind stopped where I live at. It was still wrecking havoc in and around our area, but it stopped blowing on the side of town I live on.

11188407_10204158546460716_1046143011769713906_nThe last time I seen my mom, we were planting purple and white daisy’s that I bought for her. Even though she went home to the Lord shortly after, she still wanted to plant them. I was a bit leary on where she planted them since I am sure there were tons of sliders there. She just wipes them away and I run away, lol. She took my hand and we walked over to where her prized roses are. When I was talking to her hospice social worker, he was saying how he could see such a difference in her level of joy when she strolls out by where the roses are.

I do miss my mom and wish she was answering her phone. Mom and I have always had a different kind of relationship. There were times when I wouldn’t call for years because of all of the stuff going on. But, the last visit and the many conversations we had before she passed are moments I will cherish forever.

Last video of my mom- I’m grateful I have this so I can remember her voice.

Before she passed, I was blessed by having conversations with her about knowing God and I was also able to talk to her about some of the things that bothered me when I was still at home and things in recent years.

Ephesians 1:7-10 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

It’s hard having conversations that were filled with pain that has been hidden in my heart for such a long time. I wanted to let her know that I have forgiven her for things that went on in our home. I won’t go into detail on here. But, there was a great deal that needed to be discussed and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

one 14 6 baptism in the HSThe most important conversations we had been about being saved and about baptism. After our 90 minute conversation I felt at ease. She did end up getting baptized and my heart was happy. Mom was a new person after she got baptized.

My sister Joyce was down at my mom and dads. Joyce would hold the phone up to my moms ears and we would talk, well I would talk. Mom was in a coma for a few days before her graduation ceremony. She was graduating from this life and moving on to be with Jesus. I would turn on songs like, “Amazing Grace“, When the Roll is Called Up Yonder, some Charlie Pride and so on. Just a few minutes before she died I told her that she is going on. I told her about how beautiful it will be. If she thought he roses were awesome here, they are much more beautiful there. I also told her that Grandma and Grandpa will be there as well. I told her that I love her so very much and when I get there, she is going to have to show me around and show me her roses.

friedchilckenI want to thank you mom for teaching me life skills and how to plant roses. Thank you for teaching us how to make fried chicken.

I’m going to close this post by saying that if you have been hurt by someone, don’t take forever to talk to them. I lost a number of years because of stupid petty stuff with my parents. Some things were my fault and others not. Either way, holding grudges and not talking doesn’t accomplish anything. I have been there/done that. It’s not worth it. Talk about whatever it is and then enjoy life.

Colossians 3:13

13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Care.com Commercial- Thumbs Down

Children-doing-household-chores-clipartI was watching the care.com commercial. It has the little girl who is sitting at her table while her parents are cleaning the house. The commercial is a cleaning commercial and this little girl is saying. “she is growing up to fast for her parents to not be there”. The reason I am bringing this up is that this little girl is probably around 7 or so. Instead of her sitting there coloring in her coloring book, maybe she could get up and help her parents. I was doing chores when I was little and I would guess that many kids have and still does.

I went to go find the commercial that I am talking about and one commentor named Beverly wrote this;

Am I the only one who senses the wrong message being sent here? That parents should feel guilty about doing the housework on the weekends instead of ingratiating their kids? Wow, that’s such a bad message and guess what, I don’t buy it! Housekeeping, cleaning, cooking are all part of being a family. Involve children in and teach them how to perform the daily chores. Shame on you, Care.com.

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This is how parents should be teaching their children. Not the child from the video 

I have no issue with people needing help, but for this girl or company to say that the parents should stop doing dishes and such just so they can sit there at the table so their daughter can have all of the attention kind of got to me. What if they didn’t have the money to spend all of this money on a maid? Would that mean that they don’t love their child/children.

Instead what parents should be teaching their child’s life skills such as cleaning, working outside, cooking and other things that will get them through life.

I remember the first time I did dishes. I think I was around 4 yrs old. I was so impressed that I could wash the dishes. Even though I had to stand on a wood crate to reach the sink. That feeling was fast to exit stage left though.  I didn’t realize my time of joy was about to go away since now they knew I could reach the sink with help and guess who got dish duty? Yep, me!

We also had to clean the house thoroughly every Saturday morning before we could do anything. One of the things that drove me crazy was how my mom would look at the patterns of the carpet to make sure we didn’t cheat at cleaning it. We would have to hang clothes on a real clothes line. We also had to cook. My mom did most of it and usually we had to help. But every now and then, it was on us. These are all things that children need to learn. Otherwise children will grow up thinking they are entitled and it is all about them. Well, that is happening now days. Each generation is worse in my opinion. I feel for the following one.

Even though I ended up hating the whole dish duty, taking out the trash and all the other things that most kids hate, it was things that I needed to do. Not all were bad though.

My mom loved flowers and roses. She had an incredibly green thumb. While I wasn’t fond of the whole gardening thing and such, I did enjoy learning how to plant flowers. She made sure to show us how to plant the roses and make sure there is a well around them so they can get enough water. She had the most enviable roses ever. All the neighbors would comment about her flowers. She also planted mums and all the other summer perennials.  Along with learning to plant and tend, you also had to learn to weed so the weeds didn’t kill and choke the flowers out.

I don’t know why this commercial stirred a negative reaction the way it has. For me, this girl may be cute, but she represents a selfish, self-centered child.  I think there are enough children now days that think it is all about them. I love children and my grandchildren. I will use my grandson JJ as an example.

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My grandson JJ

JJ has this idea that he can’t do anything or he does everything and I mean EVERYTHING. lol. When it comes to him picking up his toys or his stuff. He will go on and on about how mean everyone is and how he is too little to pick up his stuff. But, when he is at my house he will through his things away and I don’t have to really argue with him about it. I asked JJ one day why it is that he doesn’t help at home and he feels he can’t do it. He said it is too hard. Meaning he has to many Legos and he leaves them all over. Meaning it is he, that leaves them. He also said that he knows he will get in trouble at my house if he doesn’t pick up his things or he doesn’t listen.  But, he doesn’t have to at his house, lol. At least with his mom he feels he doesn’t have to.

While JJ and other kids may stomp and throw a fit over having to do whatever chores they have to do and to clean up after themselves,  these are things they need to learn. I wonder how many kids watch the commercials or television programs where it has the parents being guilted into doing everything they want.

I know some may not like that I am bringing up Trump in this message. The reason I am bringing him up is that Trump and his wife have this theory that they let their son Barren do what ever it is that he wants to do. He can color on the walls, has his own schedule and is pretty much the one in charge of what he does. It isn’t just the Trumps, but there is this mentality from many parents all over the world. I don’t get it at all.

Parents should be parents. We are intrusted with raising them as God has intended. We aren’t their best friends. My daughters are my best friends. But, they are adults. When they were still at home, I was the parent. I beleive that all children should be respected and all children needs to be taught right from wrong.