This year I have been thinking about a number of things and I’m finding myself reminiscing of Christmas’s from the past.

Every year as Christmas time rolls around, I enjoy taking in the lights and decorations that illuminate homes around our area.  Decorations are becoming grander than ever with each new year decorations outdo what was up from previous years. As I take in the sights and sounds of Christmas, I can’t help by compare the wonderful memories of the lights, trees and smells that I experienced from my moms kitchen and hands.

When I think about Christmas’s of the past, there are many people who have made long-lasting imprints on the pages of my life. My mom Winnie Elder was one of those people. When it came to Christmas, she was at her happiest time. My parents didn’t have much money to spend on Christmas gifts. What she did have what the gift of baking and letting us help her decorate the Christmas Tree. I have the smell of home-made yeast rolls in my mind. When she was ready to decorate the Christmas tree, she savored each ornament as she smiled and hummed to herself.

It was at Christmas time that she felt the most joy. She would apologize to us, or at least to myself that she couldn’t do more. I let her know how much I loved her and she would just weep.  Mom had a really hard time money wise and having to deal with abuse. And at Christmas time, I know it was the one time that she felt true joy and happiness.

My mom also knew that I loved her fruitcake. I don’t really like anyone elses, but I do like hers. The year before my mom died, she sent me a care package. She baked me four fruitcakes. Each was wrapped and she sent me a sweet message. While it may not seem like a very good Christmas present, it meant the world to me because she enjoyed baking and sending it to me for Christmas.

Normally I would call mom and ask her about what she’s doing. She would talk about how she got her Christmas Poinsettias, which she loved and she loved mums. She would talk about her day and the regrets she has when we were growing up. She always wished she could have given us more and been there for us more. Mom was very difficult on herself.

For some reason, I’m really missing my mom more than other years. I missed being able to pick up the phone and asking her for advice. Even though I have cooked turkeys hundreds of times or made pies by myself, I always asked her for advice on how to make my pies turn out as good as her pies. This year, I didn’t make any pies or a turkey. I didn’t get any fruitcakes that my mom made.

I guess I have been an it depressed when I think about my mom and not being able to hear my moms voice on Christmas morning. I’m remembering all of the things that I use to hear from my mom. I know my mom is in a better place now and that she is celebrating with Jesus Christ.

I would be overjoyed if she found a way for my fruitcake found its way to me. But then I think about how I have the greatest gifts ever.

Because of my mom and dad having me and my sisters and brother, I have the best gifts because I was blessed with 2 lovely daughters, 6 grandkids and another on the way. I also have been married for 39 years to my husband Chuck. God worked things out in the most amazing way.