When I got really sick this summer and I was in ICU for at least a month, and then I was on the 2nd floor for close to 3 weeks and then the rehab center. I wanted to share just one very important part of the hospital stay and that all resolves around my grand-daughter Josalyn and her toy unicorn.

After I got out of the ICU and they moved me to a regular room I was having a lot of problems understanding who people were and I couldn’t really carry on a logical conversation. I had my cell phone with me,  and I knew it was my phone, but I couldn’t remember how to dial it, who the people on my contacts are and I couldn’t text. It took me a while for the connections in my brain to work. I still have issues on some of the things.

During my confusion for some reason my focus was on my grand-daughter Josalyn. Jessica and Josalyn always came up there. Josalyn left her little unicorn with me. But, I vaguely remember talking to the Dr’s about how I needed to make sure that she could eat and that she needs chocolate milk and she needed cookies. I felt this crazy need to make sure she was OK. I remember mumbling things about her to my nurses.

One night I asked my nurse to call my daughter Jessica. I left some kind of strange message on Jessica’s phone. I may have even texted her. For some reason my focus was entirely on Josalyn, her unicorn and my pug Jasper. I kind of remember talking to my Dr’s and nurses about how worried and even scared that with me in the hospital there is nobody feeding and taking care of Josalyn.

One afternoon when my sisters Joyce, Bren and my dad came to visit me from AZ. My husband, Jessica and Josalyn was also visiting me. I couldn’t even talk much. When I did talk, it was jumbled and I couldn’t talk loud enough to be heard. And I didn’t even know what was going on. I did know that my daughters, my husband, my sisters and my dad literally filled my hospital room with yellow and white roses. They were gorgeous. I had to leave some at the hospital since I was having major allergies.

During that visit with everyone. I started throwing up blood. The nurse was telling me to calm down and to put my head in the back. She was trying all kinds of things. But, blood clots the size of part of my fist was being thrown up. Some of them went into my lungs. This all happened when everyone was visiting. My dad was scared to death. He had to leave the room. I was throwing up so much blood, it was all over my med, blankets and me. The nurse I had was off work and she didn’t tell the incoming nurse that I was having a nose bleed.

 

It was much worse than a nose bleed since it was being thrown up and some was from my nose. Something perforated somewhere in my stomach. The nurse that was in my room 24/7 immediately called a Dr. She knew the problem was much worse that a simple nose bleed. Within minutes they had me going out of the room and they took me to have some kind of a procedure to try to stop the bleeding. I think I was in a surgical room. As they were moving me to hopefully stop my bleeding, I wanted them, well demanded them to get me Josalyns unicorn. The nurse didn’t want to, but I guess I got pretty loud lol.

The procedures that they had to do is something I don’t remember. All I remember at that time is that I know I’m loosing a lot of blood and I didn’t know anyone could loose that much blood and still be alive. All I remember is that I had Josalyn’s unicorn and I didn’t want any blood on her toy. I was heavily crying because of Josalyn and the unicorn. They worked on me till around 3 in the morning and if it wasn’t for that unicorn   I don’t know if I could have stayed focused. The pain was so bad that not even the morphine and the dilaudid helped with some of the pain. But, I think I only got through this ordeal because I was really scared of ruining Josalyn’s Unicorn. I was also praying so much. Even though I was given a ton of medications, I was still in pain, but when I asked God to protect me and to take the pain away that worked.

One of the nurses was told by the Dr to keep me calm because things were going to be bad. There was only one other way to help stop the bleeding. So, this nurse noticed how many times I mentioned Josalyn and the unicorn. I was protecting that unicorn. I wasn’t worried about me bleeding to death, but I was about her unicorn. So, the nurse got me talking about Josalyn and she wanted to hold the unicorn. That was a negative. I will hold her unicorn. But, at that moment, God put this on my heart and I haven’t shared that with anyone.

My grand daughter was with my daughter every day at the hospital. But, Josalyn looks exactly like Jessica did when she was a baby. I know people will think I’m nuts. But, in my mind I needed to protect Josalyn because I was thinking she is my daughter Jessica. I also use to collect unicorns. When I was worried about Josalyn needing to eat and drink and taken care of because it is my job to do that. But, I honestly think that during my hospital stay, I was thinking Josalyn was Jessica.

I wanted to share this video of my grandson JJ and Josalyn. I didn’t want to leave him out.

Jessica and Josalyn Video 

Around 3:00 am, I was back in my room and the unicorn had absolutely no blood on it. I did loose a lot of blood. They had to give me a couple blood transfusions. On that night they had to and then about a week later they had to give me more blood. I don’t remember anything from that ordeal except that there was blood all over the room, the floor, the bed, my gown, the Dr and the nurses even had to get clean cloths.

The nurse that I had when the bleeding started should have let the oncoming nurse know that I had a problem. I really couldn’t talk because I was throwing up big blood clots from my throat and nose. I really appreciate those who helped. I know there were a lot of people in the area they had to take me and I thank God that is had Josalyn and her unicorn to help me get through it all.