Since she has known me a long time she knows I will usually only answer, ‘I’m Fine”. Many who knows me probably knows how I respond and answer anyhow.
My friend then asked me why I always say that and I told her it is pretty simple.
This is the purpose behind my answer and it is as simple as things are complicated and most times when people ask how another is doing, they want a short answer. They don’t want the strings attached to knowing what is really going on. This is something that I’m guilty of myself.
There have been some friends or acquaintances that have had a lot of problems and I knew if I asked them how they were doing, they would tell me. An hour or two later, I was able to move on and continue on my way. Also I think sometimes when people know too much, they feel a sort of responsibility to help out or be the one to save the day. It’s easier and better sometimes to just leave it alone and let people know you are OK.
I think some time ago, I came to the conclusion that people and friends only need to know so much. My friend I was talking to told me that it wasn’t right to not share with friends what is going on since they want to help. And I explained to her that there have been many times in the past when I would share what was going on or my thoughts about something and now those friends are no longer in my life. Now, is that good or bad? To that question I don’t know.
There have also been friends from a the past when they would call me, I would wonder if I should answer the phone or return the call. And honestly the reason why is because I knew they had too much going on and it was draining to be around them or to get involved. I know that isn’t right. But in the back of my mind, this is the purpose of my “I’m Fine” answer.
I think sometimes the don’t ask don’t tell rule should be a part of friendships and relationships. I know a friend should be able to share anything with their friend. But I don’t think that is always the case. I say this because of one of my friends and how I dreaded her call or everything was doom and gloom. What is sad is that about 6 yrs ago that person did die and I no longer wait for her call. I think of her often and remember many of our conversations. I tried to help her and I think I did that to make myself feel better. I was thinking I was doing what needed to be done, when really she just needed to talk. She is no longer here and a part of me wishes she would call one more time.
Then I think about those people you open your entire life up to and then you find out all of it meant nothing. It may have to them or to me, but it is at a point where the damage was done. I know so many people who have opened themselves up and nothing good came of it but hurt and distrust. This is sounding like a pretty negative post I know and I’m sorry about that. Sometimes conversations I have with others brings about topics for this blog.
Then I think about one friend that moved out of state and by opening up to her, it caused all kinds of problems. No longer will trust happen with that person. Things have happened that are not repairable. But then at the same time, all should be forgiven, but not sure that things could ever be forgotten.
One of the things that came about in this conversation with my friend is when she told me that she would always be there for her friend, all she had to do is call if she needed anything. Something in me didn’t set right with that conversation. I told her that friends isn’t there only when needed, but there just to be there. I know with myself if a friend is only a person I call when I’m in trouble, that isn’t a true friend. I explained to her that it is like our friendship with Christ. I don’t want to call on him when I’m in trouble only. I want to have him there in good times too. I want to be able to share the moments of joy or a cup of coffee if that would be possible.
It drives me crazy when someone calls me only when they are in trouble or need to borrow money or whatever. To me that isn’t a friend. A friend knows when I need to talk, vent or rationalize something. It may not make sense to anyone else, but sometimes a friend just needs to be there. I’m not really talking about any one person, just in general. Kinda funny how a conversation about what a friend and a seemingly simple question can bring about.
Basically I think that it is best not too say too much about what is really going on in your life or how you are feeling because it can be too much for others to deal with and they may not know what they are getting into when they ask how someone is doing. There was a person I knew that no matter how much you shared or talked to them, if it was personal and they could gain from your pain they would use it against you. So, this is alot of the reason why I think the best answer is no answer at all. When a person opens up once they trust a person and thinks it is safe or they are safe to talk to and it bites them or they loose friends because of it, it’s time to shut up and say nothing at all.
She then told me that everyone has to trust someone. And that is true. But I think the only one that is truly trustworthy that I can tell all my secrets, hurts and whatever else is Jesus Christ. sorry this is a negative post, I didn’t mean for it to be. But it is, what it is. There are somethings that you never tell anyone about and you keep it to yourself. It is better than hurting others and sometimes the past needs to be left in the past so it doesn’t spill into your future. My friend didn’t like that. I guess this was one of those conversations where it was heading into me hurting her feelings because I told her there was things that would never or people should never say to others because people leave or like what I did with my friend, they dread the call because it is too much to deal with that person at the time.