Poor Me Syndrome – Part One

This is going to be a blog post that will come in parts. I am going to talk about different types of people who have various forms of narcissism. This blog post will talk about 2 forms and then the next blog posting will come in a couple of days with the final 2 types of people with narcissism. All of the forms I will be talking about are actual people I know with them, but I will be leaving out names because I don’t want everyone to start messaging them and bothering them. So, I will try to protect their identity.

Person 1 “Look at Me” Narcissistic Person

Narcissistic-Personality-Disorder-3This is one of those topics that has been on my mind for some time. It goes by many different names. The names that has been on my mind lately is narcissistic. I have known a number of people with this syndrome or personality disorder. The unofficial terminology I would use though is the , “pity party express”, “woe is me”,  “look at me” and “poor me”. I do want to clarify that I’m not talking about those who truly suffer from depression or mental illnesses. I am talking about those who want to be the center of attention even if it means hurting those around them and at any cost.

I’m willing to bet that most everyone has met someone who is a narcissist.  I am known way to many of them. A good way to tell if you have a narcissist in your circle of family and friends would be to think back about someone who always seems to manage to bring just about any topic of conversation back to them themselves. For example, I have a family member who will call me up and we get in a conversation about how I’m doing. It’s just one of those small talk things. Usually she is the one starting up the conversation.

narcissism-definintionI’m not sure if many realizes this, but there is such a thing as sensitive narcissists. The type of narcissistic person I am thinking about for this blog post falls into the category of a sensitive narcissist. I would say that I know more narcissists that are sensitive, at least on the surface. This type of narcissist in my opinion is the most destructive. They are caring and compassionate. They are able to feel people’s pain naturally.  This type of narcissist are pros at manipulation and controlling others. They know how to get what they want.

The conversation goes like this for the most part. “Hi Sandie, how are you doing? I heard you weren’t feeling good. My answer is always that I am fine and I like to leave it like that. They wouldn’t understand what I am saying anyhow.  I let her know that there isn’t anything to really to complain about. She then would say, “That’s good”! After I comment with, “I’m fine.” Everything falls into place. Now is when she starts the,”Me” talk. Well, not about me, but she is talking about her. My part of the conversation is, “Uh Huh”.

Here is a bit of the conversation: 

  • Caller: Hi Sandie, how are you doing?

  • Me: I’m doing OK, how are you?

  • Caller: I’m OK, just tired of life

  • Me: Why is that? (I should not have asked)

  • Caller: I have been doing everything for everyone else! I have no time for myself. Nobody really cares about me! I have all of these things to do and I have no money to do anything! I have to cook for unnamed person. Then I have to go help this other person do this. Why is it I have to do everything? They take all of my energy, I have no me time!

  • Me: If you feel this way, why do you keep doing what you are doing? You can say no.

  • Caller: Yes, I know I can say no, but they need me. God has told me that I am to do all of these things. Nobody get’s it! It’s because of everything I do that people are happy. Nothing will get done without me. God told me that I’m suppose to do these things.  People love me since I bring them home cooked meals and do their laundry. All of these things I do for everyone will make it easier to get to heaven.

  • Me: I hate to tell you this, but you can’t buy your way into heaven.

  • Caller: I don’t want to talk about this. I am a better person because I do all of these things for people.  I do this and that (too much to list). Everyone loves me because I do things for them.

  • Me: You do everything because you want people to think you are the greatest person ever and because you need to feel worthwhile. None of these things will make you happy until you can accept the person who you are. If you aren’t helping because you want to, then it is in vain.

One day as I was talking to her, she was going on and on about everything she does for everyone else. She does these things for everyone else, but those good deeds (supposedly) will come with a price since they aren’t from the goodness of her heart. If she has helped someone out, I can tell you for sure that everyone will know exactly what she did, how much she spent and how terrible you are as a person since she had to ride in and save the day.  many many years ago, I decided that it is best to step away from these kinds of relationships family or not.

I think about the Toby Keith song, “I Want to Talk About Me”.

Person 2 – Emotional Kidnapping

ME_512_Over-Dramatize-640x199There is a friend I have been praying for that has mental illness and some other things wrong with her. Lately she has been so upset with those around her and her family that she is feeling like she is hated because nobody cares about her and nobody loves her. She has many problems and she wants to have it where things are about her  and only her. She is in denial when it comes to many things. What gets me is that while I know how loved she is, she can’t see it. If people don’t buy into her drama or manipulations, then she becomes irate with them to the point of making threats about not wanting to live anymore. She begins taking everyone down with her.

Cat1It shouldn’t be that way because someone wanting to die is very serious. I feel horrible for her friends and family members because they have had their lives turned upside down for many years all because of her neediness. Each time I see her or visit her, it is as if she is going further down the spiral staircase. I don’t know how much her family can take of this behavior. A couple of them have been in tears over how torn up their lives have become, just because of this one person. They have lost everything. They have nothing anymore and it is all because of the lies and manipulations. The more they lose, the more she blames them for it. When in reality, it isn’t that way at all.

She gets upset with them and makes threats that are very much on the level of a 2 yr old toddler. She kicks and screams and carries on when she doesn’t get her way. Once they give in and let her do what she wants, all of a sudden she is all lovey dovey again.

It’s been a while since I last seen her family and I feel bad for them. Each and every person is under her storm cloud. You can see the weariness in their eyes and body language. They have given up their lives just to be at her beck and call. It’s very unsettling. Her depression and threats of suicide are destroying her family. Everyday is a battle. Her family has lost everything because she is there and their lives rotate around her.

Suicide-hotline_1I take threats of suicide very serious. I have lost way to many people who I love to suicide. Mental illness is very real and if someone is saying they are committing suicide just to get their way or as a means of manipulating someone, I would like to say they are a coward. When I call them up because I am worried that they may do something and then they say they were just joking, that is nothing to joke about. I then tell her how heartless it is that she uses that as a way to get her way that when Brian’s family was told he committed suicide has to live with the loss of a loved one who really had severe depression forever. Then there is a young man named Frankie that committed suicide by shooting himself. I have no tolerance to people claiming they are going to kill themselves as a joke. . Click here for my blog post about suicide. I posted a blog with information about suicide prevention and the crisis line.

quicksand2aShe asked me day about what I thought about how her family is treating her like she pond scum. I told her that the best thing for her would be to pull up her big girl panties and start acting like an adult instead of a child. I explained to her that while she is wallowing in the pity party of hers, her family and friends are sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of her life. I also explained to her that her family are being held as emotional hostages and she is the key holder. There will come a day when those who are taking care of her and helping her will be gone.

b827c2ef996d67dc6f7f0799f243a21cThen there is a family member that I love dearly, but she really needs to learn the “NO” word. My sister Joyce has no idea on saying no. She is getting better at it though. I know she wants to help people out when they can’t help themselves. There will come a day when she has to stop having the mentality that she is the caretaker of the world. She doesn’t need to be Underdog and Wonder Woman. I don’t know if it is fully her fault. She has always given anything she has to those who has asked. Most of the time, NO is the best answer. People will keep taking if they know you are going to give to the point of you not having anything.

In the next day or two I will post the follow up to this one.

One thought on “Poor Me Syndrome – Part One

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