Family and Facebook




Me around 8 or so yrs old...
Me around 8 or so yrs old…

When I was around 10 yrs old, our family left Indiana. Not all of my family, but my immediate family. My parents, sisters and brother moved to AZ. Over the yrs I haven’t really known any of my family members which 90% still live in Indiana. Facebook has made it possible to reunite with many of them.

Each day I find it interesting when a see a new family members name show up under a family member I have recently got to know a bit because of Facebook. Not all things are bad when it comes to Facebook. I guess it depends on how you use it.

The first family members I got to know are my cousins Raelene and Allen Young. From my childhood memories, they are the ones I remember the most about in a good way. One night I got a call because I posted a search on to find Allen and Raelene. I was beyond elated when the voice on the phone was Allen’s. He seen that add 12 yrs after I posted it. It was awesome to be reconnected with those who I remembered. And if my memory serves me right, we could get in trouble without much effort. In July or August I am hoping to make it out there to Indiana to meet them after a 40 yrs.

Then I seen this young girls post named Page Elder. My maiden name is Elder. She wasn’t familiar to me, but her grandpa was because he is my Uncle that I never got to know. Uncle George passed away not so long ago. Now, his son George Jr (Pages dad) I have talked to once in a while on MySpace, but I never use that. Because of Pages post, I have been reconnected with so many other cousins.


I do wish I would have gotten to know Uncle George. Through the posts and pictures of Page and all the other cousins, I could tell how loved he was and is and how much of a family man he was. He seems like a person I would like to have known in this lifetime.

I have enjoyed getting to know Fern and Lori via Facebook. There is one other cousin that I remember from when I was younger and that is Monica. I think it is funny how it is that I remember her. It is only because we rode the same school bus to school and she is a leap year baby. How in the world I remember that, I have no clue at all. But I do. I somewhat remember one of my uncles, but I don’t really have few memories of him for whatever reason. My dad is close to Uncle Chet, but usually when he would visit dad, I usually wasn’t home much when he was visiting.

I have been very reluctant toprivate message some of my cousins to begin with because of things that some in my family has done. I was told by one sister to never talk to anyone from Knox because our family is hated because of things apparently done in the past. Of course I was 10 at the time, so I was clueless on those things.  Small memories and puzzle pieces mainly. What my sister told me has been so far from the truth.

I do know that there has been a lot of things said and done in the past. But not one of the cousins I have talked to blamed me for those things my parents and family members has done. They have been awesome when it comes to helping me get to know who they are. I have a feeling the reason I wasn’t to talk to them was because we would get together and talk and things would start flying out of the closets. Which is OK, but that isn’t why I want to know those who are family. I only want to know them, because they are family.

These are some of the things I have come to know and love about my family I have not met yet.

  1. They are a lot like me and love to have fun
  2. They love the Lord or most do from what I can see.
  3. They are normal or as normal as I am (Is that possible, lol)
  4. There carry many of the same traits I carry… (that can be scary,lol)
  5. They didn’t judge me because of who my parents are or my siblings.
  6. I always remembered these funny mushrooms called Morels. I never knew what they were but we would go find them and eat them. My cousins still do this.
  7. I always wondered why I eat the foods I eat. None of my family meaning hubby and kids like the things I do. They all eat what I call normal foods.
  8. They are a very supportive family and love each other.
  9. Not at all whacked out like my sister told me… OK, maybe a bit, but in the good way I am, lol… Nothing wrong with having fun and enjoying life ūüôā
  10. And more I am sure…
Raelene (She looks like my sister Joyce)
Raelene (She looks like my sister Joyce)

I feel like i have been very blessed. It all started with a call from Allen and Raelene. The internet can have some bad things, but it can also have some wonderful things.

My sister Denise is the one that told me to never look up or talk to anyone in Indiana. And I am so glad I did. There are some that she has told me to not talk to and I haven’t gotten up the nerve to do that. And that is a lady named Linda and the family there. I think that is Tennessee though. But I think that is because she has burned Linda and those there and some other family members. So taking this in baby steps.

But all in all it has been a wonderful experience and I am grateful for social networks like Facebook. I am pretty excited to meet family face to face and get to know them on a more personal level it’s nice putting a face to the name, even though most names I don’t know or remember.

Another great thing about social networks is that I love that I can share my faith. It is a perfect platform to do that. And if people don’t like that, they can scroll on by. It’s pretty cool being able to bring God and family together in one place that we call the great social network Facebook.

God Knows What’s Best!

God has a plan, Imagebut sometimes it may not be as clear to us as we would like.

I started this blog post a number of months ago and forgot that I started it. That was until last night when I was listening to JJ Heller and her husband Dave in concert at Calvary Chapel. My daughter Jessica found out about an hour before the concert that she was going to be here in St. George. I love JJ Heller. Her songs are simple and they speak to my heart. One of her songs that comes to mind and she sang was “Your Hands” .

Your Hands Lyrics (partial)

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn’t there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crooked lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

I have gotten into this conversation many times over the past few years. I have some pretty tough diagnosis’s medically. My medical diagnosis is the CIPD form of Guillian Barre Syndrome, Myasthenia Gravis and residual effects from these two diagnosis’s. My blood pressure is pretty much out of control and they have decided to name it Malignant Hypertension. Which is basically really high blood pressure that is out of control. My muscles get weak throughout the day and things can be a mess off an on through the day. I have been on home health and IV medicines for what seems like forever. If you want to know more about the diagnosis’s you can Google them. There are many sites you can learn from.

I don’t want this post to be about my medical problems and all the prognosis stuff. I want to share how it is that I get through the difficult days and moments that can change on a dime.

ImageDuring many conversations people will ask me why I don’t get depressed or want to run away and hide from life. Because if they had to deal with the same things, they would want to do that. And I have to say it is only because of God. If I didn’t have God and my faith in Him, I would have no hope that things can get better. God has a purpose for my life and I have to just trust Him. Getting upset and dwelling on the negative is something that is no option for me. If I did that I would curl up in a ball and not really care about anything or anyone. I would be a hopeless and miserable person.

A friend of mine named Chris, was very helpful in understanding that we need to trust God even in difficult times. I think I pretty much did, but I wanted to hold back a bit when it came to trusting fully because I was just seeing the now moment, not the Wow moment that God had and has in store for me. When I was and still going through rough patches it is hard to see God working in my life. 

I’m very much a control freak. Those who know me really well, that I can get a bit anal over things. It has to be done right and I’m not very good at trusting others to follow through on doing things the way I would do them. I have gotten a little bit better at doing this, but it is very much a work in progress, lol.¬† When it comes to my medical things though, I have no choice but to trust God in all things. It wasn’t an overnight thing, but it is the right thing to do. Really the only thing to do. Because I can’t control those things in my life.

Because of my life experiences I have had some wonderful opportunities to share my faith with people who are hurting and have no hope. They see my struggles as something that is horrible. I don’t really see it this way though. Because of my struggles I have to depend on God more. I have to depend less on my own way of doing things, because it backfires on me everytime I do that.

Over the past few years, the people I have gotten the opportunity to meet, share and pray for and with is because of my struggles and medical issues. They( Dr’s and nurses) know that things are pretty grim for the most part and when they enter the room to give me test results and change my treatment plan, they look grim. They don’t want to deliver the news or tell me they don’t know if there is much more they can do. But through these discussions, I get a chance to let them know that God has it covered. None of us knows how many days or minutes we have. We are all under Gods rule and timing.

ImageWhen someone asks if they can pray for me, I have no problem with that. I don’t always share my prayer needs because it can be difficult to explain to the multitudes what it is I need. But God knows what they are. And He does answer prayers. They may not be in the way I may want them answered. But He does answer. And He does know what is best.

My favorite verse in the Bible and it brings me hope and reminds me that God is ALWAYS there is; God is our refuge and strength, ever present in times of trouble. Psalm 46:1,,, I find so much hope and peace in this verse. I use it as my daily affirmation. God never breaks His promise and I know this to be true.

ImageA number of my friends pray for complete healing. When they say that I know that God has already answered this. Because He sent His son Jesus Christ to die for me. I know that even if it may not be in this lifetime, He will heal me and anyone else who comes to Him and asks. Besides, there is not one of us that can be 100 percent healed while we are flesh and bones. All are hurting in some way. Even if we don’t see it. The moment we were born into this world, we were destined to die because we are all born into sin.

When I think about the song “Your Hands”, I can’t help but think about how God has been a part of my life. He loves me and would never leave me. There are days when I want to throw my hands in the air and give up and yell. And yes, sometimes I yell at God. He knows I can throw a pretty good temper tantrum and get overly stressed. But during those times, He lets me vent and carry on, and brings me back to reality, lol.

And this may sound strange, but my illness and medical things are a blessing in disguise. Because of these things, God has been able to use me to talk to others I would have never gotten the chance to meet. A medical technician is someone I think about. I will be brief since I get long winded, lol

One of my Drs is in Las Vegas. I had to do a lot of testing for my neurologist. Overall the testing took over 4 hours. They were all kinds of nerve conduction, SSEP and some other ones that was time consuming. The technician I had was having a hard day. In 4 hours, you can talk about a lot of things. As she was doing the tests, I found out her husband had terminal cancer. They weren’t Christians. As she was reading my test results, she said at one point that I should not be walking and how she has seen worse results, but not many. Normally those results would be for a paraplegic. She looked confused. I didn’t feel the shocks of the nerve test. I could feel tingling when the nerve shocks were at the highest. She didn’t understand how I wasn’t feeling what I should be and why I was still walking this earth. And all I said was simply by the Grace of God. During that visit, I was able to witness to her and tell her how God has been there for me. Only because of Him can I do what I do. God has a bigger and better plan than any Dr’s. He understands the test results and knows all. This technician did contact me and we talked a bit ever now and then. Her husband eventually died. But she shared our conversation and I have a feeling He was given some kind of hope that there is a better place and that God loves him.

A Friends E-Mail

This blog posting is what happens when I can’t sleep due to pain and discomfort. Hoping instead of reading that my writing will help me get so tired that I need to sleep.¬†

ImageI sent a friend an email some time ago. We were basically talking about what kind of help someone may need.  Her take on friendship and standing up for yourself was very important. I do think that people have different needs and that all depends on the problems or issues we are going through. 

For example toxic relationships. I have had more than my share of these kinds of friendships. And because of some things this friend and others have told me is that in a round a bout way, they need to be gone. That is much easier said than done. But for those people who have the courage of a lion, they have an easier time. I also believe that we make things to easy for others by enabling them and not following what God wants us to do in our lives. There are a whole boatload of people that I threw out of my boat of friends. Mostly the ones who were only there to get what they wanted or who played head games. 

I had this friend that I met in Angelhaven and she passed away I would say around ¬†8 years. It was very difficult being her friend. I felt the most important thing in life was a personal walk with Christ. Donna I would say is a new ager that isn’t new at all. She believes in Christ, but in a way that she feels he was a great teacher like Buddha. She felt that if you were good, then all people could go to heaven. ¬†It became difficult to talk to her for too long, because on my mind, I wanted to save her. I wanted her to understand what God had in store for her. I don’t know if she ever truly accepted Christ. But I did plant the seed and sometimes that is all we were meant to do. Others jump in and water and eventually they become mature and can stand up on their own little roots.¬†

ImageIn this email from my friend, at-least I hope we are still friends. Anyhow, she brought up how she is a doer, which is true. She isn’t the best listener, but she tried. ¬†Many times what I need isn’t always someone that will do something for me. But I need someone to listen to me, even if they don’t get it. I’m the kind of person that does well talking and praying about what I need to do. I don’t need someone that needs to save the day for me. For the most part it is hard for a doer to do unless they have had the same experiences and life lessons. She has had difficulties in her life and her own life lessons. I admire her that she can say what is on her mind and just do it. I have to reason things out.¬†

I think all my life I have had one thing or another going on and since 17 I have had my share of medical things. I would say I have a type A/B personality. I can be strong on many things, but when it comes to me, I would say I am a type B. I’m grateful for all the people that God has put in my life. Even when I didn’t like what they had to say.¬†

Now my friend that emailed me is a small women, but she is a force to be reckoned with. I never really thought much about her personality until a couple of months ago. But I do admire that she puts her mind to doing something and she does. She doesn’t take anything from anyone. I think with her though and I couldn’t put my finger on why I pulled back on sharing things with her on certain problems or thoughts. I felt intimidated and like I wasn’t in the same class as she is. It isn’t really anything she did or said. But I felt outclassed. She is very smart, knows what she wants and does what she has to do to get it. I feel kinda stupid if that makes any sense when I talk to her. If you can imagine the peasant girl going into a queens home, then this is how I felt. When I would visit, she tried to make me feel at home and so did her husband. But I was afraid I would break something or do say something stupid. I use everyday words and when someone uses a word that is above my head, I find I don’t know where to go with the conversation because we are on two different wave lengths. One last thing and I know this is my own thoughts and my friend may not think this is a problem. But one day we are out and we go to a place that has a heavier lady working there. My friend made a comment about her weight. And with me gaining so much weight because of my friends, I haven’t called her up to see if she wants to come over. The reason is that I would be wondering if she would look down on me because I’m heavier.¬†

I remember one conversation we had while I was in the hospital. I doubt that she would remember this, but I did. And that is because it left a huge scar in my heart. But we were talking about getting my records for the past couple of years. We wanted to see what was in them. I hesitated for a while and she got mad at me. I was trying to talk and she told me that I needed to shut up and let her finish. ¬†This was also done in the Dr’s office. So I did, but the tone upset me. When she told me to shut up, I felt like a little kid all over again. I was trying to talk but I got the feeling that nobody wanted to listen to me because I wouldn’t say it correctly. Back to the records. ¬†I told her I would think about the records. I know she wouldn’t understand this, but I really didn’t want her or anyone reading how much I weighed. I get very upset and depressed over it. She is very thin and I don’t think she understood how much that bothered me. And it bothered me because I know what she felt about heavier people. We were going to send them over to her house so they wouldn’t get lost. About 30 minutes after she left and I said I would send them to her, I knew at that point that she didn’t feel I trusted her. When that is far from the truth. It’s just my own personal feelings about my weight. I have struggled with it most of my life and I didn’t want anyone to know what I weighed. After that time in the hospital, I think I only seen this friend twice and that has been over a year now. I know she was trying to help me, but I found it more depressing when I think about how much I gained because of medications. For those who never struggled with weight, they wouldn’t get it. I do miss our friendship.

Last year I sent her an email and wanted to know if I did anything wrong. She wrote back and told me no and that she needed to step back. I understood this. But she told me that if I needed her to call. I don’t know about anyone else. But I don’t want to call someone up just because I need them. I want to call them up to say hi and ask how they are doing. Someone who wants me to call when I need something is more like an acquaintance¬†instead of a friend. I want a friend that I can call to see if they want to go for a short road trip or go to Starbucks and talk.¬†

One of the things about this friendship is that she was able to help me open my eyes up to things around me. My old pastor and his wife was doing the same thing. When we are in the middle of toxic friendships and such it is hard to see where we are going and if danger lurks ahead. My friend would do whatever needed to be done and they are wonderful, kind hearted people that belong to God. She has this protective shield on and she doesn’t let people mess with her friends.¬†

Both of my friends taught me to be aware of things around me and don’t trust others that don’t deserve to be trusted. Because of a lot of things going on, I don’t see her much. But not a day goes by that I don’t wonder how she and her husband are. She is the kind of friend everyone needs.¬†

When I think of friends and the kind that I have I would say I have the best ones in the world. For me in the last couple of years, I find that I really needed and received the kind of friends that listen. With all my medical things and not knowing what is going on from one minute to the next, a listening friend does me a world of good. They don’t have to save me, but listening helps me think and decide what needs to be done. I do try to be someone that listens to others. The reason I do is because I know that everyone needs to know that someone is listening to them and that they care. Doing is one thing and it’s about taking action. We or should I say I don’t always need action, I love it when I can jump into my car, listen to music or just chat about nothing.¬†

I use to have some horrible dreams and I would have the same one every night. Now, this is about the kind of friend that nobody needs. But this friend knew certain things that bothered me and she would want me to talk about things that happened when I was younger. And each time she did that I would think of nothing else but those things. It was literally eating at me all day and night. I know that it is important to talk about your past or mistakes. But there are things that are better left alone and live in the present. Because of this so called friend, my dreams were overflowing into my day time thoughts. She was feeding negative things into my brain and of course they are hard to get out of the head once they arrive. There is too much to mention on this topic. But she is 100 percent a toxic friend. Friend isn’t even a good word to use for her, Ever since she has been out of my life, the dreams stopped and other things are much better. I don’t allow someone like her to get close enough to know everything about me. God knows everything about me, even when I don’t.¬†

Back to this email. My friend was saying that she had to step back because she couldn’t offer the kind of things like listening. She was getting frustrated because I wouldn’t do certain things to help myself. I know she is right about most things. But in my world, I have found that I’m not the type of person that will go out and make someone accountable and take action on certain things. I have always been the kind of person who when pushed will pull away from those around me. I guess I just needed to put it in Gods hands and will let Him handle it. There are some things I need to handle, but when the bigger things become to big I have to give it to God. I really had to pray over things and work on the giving to God thing. It isn’t easy to do. I know I need to, but it’s not easy. I also needed to make sure that my walk was coinciding with my talk. My friend told me that I needed to pray about that because she didn’t think so and that I was all talk and no action. For a very long time this bothered me. But then I had to look deep inside and ask myself why it bothered me. The only reason was because I wasn’t doing what God wanted me to do. I was keeping the last pieced of candy tucked away so I could have it. I needed to give God everything, not just the pieces I didn’t want anymore. ¬†She was right, I needed to examine myself and give everything. If I didn’t it is fruitless and the outcome is going to be horrible.¬†

For a long time, I was trying to control all things in my life. I knew I loved God. But I was holding back from letting Him have complete control. If I did that I would feel weak and inadequate. I would feel like I was a bull in a china shop. If I made a wrong move I would shatter something that is precious. And to me the most precious things are my family and friends. OK, my dogs too. 

OK! Now I’m done with my 5 am rant… Hoping I can sleep now… If she reads this I want her to know that I didn’t write this because I was mad at her. She wears her heart on her sleeve and has a heart of gold. I have been blessed in so many ways. I wrote it because it has been bothering me for so long and I think it is important that people understand and know that not all of us to things the same way and that not always do we need someone to do something. Just being their for one another is important and that everyone is an individual. I wouldn’t trade anything for those people and friends put in my life. OK! There are a few I would be OK if I never met. But I have learned from each and every person and situation.¬†

Should We Be Like Our Friends?

ImageHow important is it to share everything that goes on in a persons life? I think this could be a loaded question. The reason I say this is because at times if you share too much, you may find those that you care the most about are no longer there. There is only one person who I know of that won’t turn His back on me and walk away. And that person would be Jesus Christ.

This has been a debated conversation between me and a few other friends on private chat on Facebook. Some of the things that we all found is that there are some subjects that shouldn’t be told to others, unless you want to put your friendships on the line. There are some things that are too much for the normal person to handle.

Some of the things that came into the conversation is spousal abuse,rape and control freaks. This is a topic that can be very difficult to share with someone. Even if you have known that someone for many years, it is a topic that makes others uncomfortable with. Once you start talking about this topic or other difficult topics it is almost like a wall goes up. They don’t always know what to say or how to help the person going through these things. Or they want to go in and save the day and make everything better. I’m this type of a person. If I hear of someone that I care about that has been hurt, I want to find a way to help them. This isn’t always the best option.

What I find hardest and most of those that took place in this conversation agreed that it is hard to listen and not want to be proactive. Like many I have shared personal feelings,experiences and details of my life with friends. Thinking that it would be safe with a certain friend or group. But that isn’t always the case. It may be safe to talk to them about what is going on in our lives, but watch the subject matter.

I have one particular friend that has been in my life for many years. Then I began confiding in her and I guess I didn’t go at the pace of getting things resolved or the way she wanted me to do it and it has been over a year now since seeing her. After sharing this with some friends, they said they have had the same thing happen to them. They thought the friendship was strong enough to be honest and open, only to find out that the friendship couldn’t weather the honesty. I felt bad for one of the friends in this conversation. The reason is that she never told anyone about her husband and how abusive he was to her. They were married only 10 or so years. She needed to talk and she chose to talk to someone she thought she could trust and that friend went to the husband and shared what was being said. Needless to say, the husband later confronted his wife and she was in the hospital because she was beaten by him. He told her to never speak of the things that went on in his home or it would be worse later. I could see why this woman wouldn’t trust anyone after this happened. Why would she?

I felt bad for my friend who was having a horrible time and was being beat on an almost daily basis. She no longer lives in the same state as I do, but we still talk. She talked to her friends in Colorado and once she told them of her problem, they began to build a wall. They wanted a friendship of ease I guess and one on their terms. Is that what friendship really is about? Is it right for a friend who says they are your friend to walk away because it wasn’t like they wanted? To me, if a person does that it doesn’t mean they are friends in the same way and each are looking for something different. One friend wants to be the one to save the day and the other just needs someone to be there and to be able to talk to them about anything and not be afraid to share.

I was telling my friend in Colorado that not everyone is looking for the same thing in a friendship. It is almost like a marriage. Some are in it just for the fun of it and others for the long haul.

When my friends and I were talking, I told them that I have gotten to the point of not really opening up about things that have and are going on in my life. It’s safer and that makes it so that my friends don’t have to feel like they are having to save me. I don’t want the kind of friend that is there only when I’m in need or in trouble. To me a friendship is more than that. My friend in Colorado is that kind of a friend. I can call her up and tell her how horrible things are. She will listen and then she gives me stern advice and tells me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.

ImageThen our private chat got onto those kinds of friends that are toxic. Wow, I sure have had enough of those in my life. You think they are good friends and you confide only to find out they are a Jekyll and Hyde type of person. They are only friends for what they can get out of it. They want to be the savior of the friendship and seem like they are kind hearted and would risk themselves for their friends. Watch out for these people. They can be dangerous and hard to spot. It’s almost like a ¬†Munchausen¬†by proxy, but it is really a ¬†Munchausen¬†by friendship. They will do anything they can do to be seen as the best person in the world and willing to sacrifice themselves for their friends, family members or whoever else. There have been times that people that have¬†Munchausen Syndrome went to far and killed the person by doing whatever they are doing and it got out of control.

It was an interesting conversation that night. It did make me realize that we need to guard our lives and heart. I’m not trusting at all when it comes to talking about deep problems and things that are better left unsaid. That way they don’t come back and haunt you and you don’t have to relive it all over again. I have concluded that there are some things better left alone. Because one of who I thought was a dear friend is someone that I never see. And I’m pretty sure it is because of all the drama and the sensitive subjects and me being unwilling to do what she wanted me to do in the time she wanted me to do these things.

I did learn a lot from that friendship and I will always see her as a friend. I learned what to say and not to say. Many times I felt like my faith wasn’t strong enough or good enough like hers was. Which now when I think of that, I think that is far from the truth. I just have different issues that God is aware of and I do things differently. I don’t have to be accepted or answer why I don’t do this or that. I had many sleepless nights over her questioning my faith and if it was more of just words instead of actions. There are times I wonder if people understand how much a simple comment like that can bring a person down. Especially when all you want to do is please God and then someone tells you in a weird kind of way that the kind of faith I have isn’t good enough for God.

One of my other friends said it right. She said, ” we aren’t the same and God loves us for who we are.” We aren’t expected to be like each other. We are our own person. When my friend asked me to really look at my faith and how I’m all talk and no action, I need to remember some important things. For instance, I need to remember that I’m not her and I’m not expected to be like her. Then I know I have my days when I wonder if God is listening to me and if He is there. And that answer is yes, He is there. He is just waiting for me to figure out things. And lastly, I need to remember that nobody can judge our faith in Christ unless they are Christ. Actions do speak louder than words, but there are times we need words to help us understand. I have many days where I feel like Job and question things. And to close this up. When a person says you have to trust God, you need to do that. When I look at trusting God I realize that even though I gave it all to him, there are things I need to do. We shouldn’t sit by the sidelines and do nothing. I told my friend this too. And don’t let others judge you based on what they think is the right faith and trust. They have a different life that is normal to them. They have different experiences and some live in different countries, states and cities. I let her statements get me down and would question everything I said and did. Was my thinking right or wrong. Was my motivation for myself or for Christ? This is all very consuming mentally and physically. I kinda hope my friend will read this or stop in sometime just to say hi. I don’t see that happening though.

This particular friend of mine does have a good heart that is filled with love and compassion. There wasn’t much she wouldn’t do to help out and I do miss seeing her. My door will always be open to good friends, not toxic ones. ¬†I don’t think she knows how much she meant to me and it wasn’t because she was there to help. It was because she demonstrated the true likeness of Christ. I guess I just wasn’t on the same page as her and may never be.

For my friends that I was having this conversation with last week, it was nice to chat with friends who don’t want to change who we are. But they want to pray and be there for each other.

Definition of  Munchausen;

In M√ľnchausen syndrome, the affected person¬†exaggerates¬†or creates¬†symptoms¬†of¬†illnesses¬†in themselves to gain investigation, treatment, attention, sympathy, and comfort from medical personnel. In some extreme cases, people suffering from M√ľnchausen’s syndrome are highly knowledgeable about the practice of medicine and are able to produce symptoms that result in lengthy and costly medical analysis, prolonged¬†hospital¬†stay and unnecessary¬†operations. The role of “patient” is a familiar and comforting one, and it fills a psychological need in people with M√ľnchausen’s. This disorder is distinct from¬†hypochondriasis¬†and other¬†somatoform disorders¬†in that those with the latter do not intentionally produce their somatic symptoms.

Risk factors for developing M√ľnchausen syndrome include childhood traumas, growing up with parents/caretakers who were emotionally unavailable due to illness or emotional problems, a serious illness as a child, failed aspirations to work in the medical field,¬†personality disorders, and a low self-esteem. M√ľnchausen syndrome is more common in men and seen in young or middle-aged adults. Those with a history of working in healthcare are also at greater risk of developing it.

Arrhythmogenic M√ľnchausen syndrome describes individuals who simulate or stimulate cardiac arrhythmias to gain medical attention.The syndrome differs from¬†malingering, in which a patient fabricates symptoms for an apparent purpose, such as financial compensation, absence from work, or access to drugs.

A similar behavior called¬†M√ľnchausen syndrome by proxy¬†has been documented in the parent or guardian of a child. The adult ensures that his or her child will experience some medical affliction, therefore compelling the child to suffer treatment for a significant portion of their youth in hospitals. Furthermore, a disease may actually be initiated in the child by the parent or guardian. This condition is considered distinct from M√ľnchausen syndrome. In fact, there is growing consensus in the¬†pediatric¬†community that this disorder should be renamed “medical abuse” to highlight the real harm caused by the deception and to make it less likely that a perpetrator can use a psychiatric defense when real harm is done.¬†Parents who perpetrate this abuse are often affected by concomitant psychiatric problems like¬†depression,¬†spouse abuse,¬†psychopathy, or¬†psychosis. In rare cases, multiple children in one family may be affected either directly as victims or as witnesses who are threatened to keep them silent

Puppy Love and Walls

ImageFacebook can be one of those things that can be good or bad. And status messages are the same. Today a friend of mine posted a interesting status and got me thinking about how true that was.

Mindy’s Status read like this, “It’s interesting to me how a puppy or new pet can come into your life and you love them immediately but when a person comes into your life they have to earn that love. I think it just shows how people really can be we they let down their walls and have an open heart. Love can come in so easy. Anyway just my thought today. Hello friends hope you all have a fantastic day.”

I found her statement very true. I know with my dogs all they have to do is come up and give me a wet slobbery kiss and all is forgiven. They give me those puppy dog eyes and see nothing wrong with what they did. And all is good in the world.

ImageAnd then on the flip side, it is very hard to let people get that close and to love them immediately. We are suppose to love them as we would ourselves, but I have these walls that won’t break down. And once I have been hurt by someone it takes a long long time to regain that trust. Not only regain that trust but to trust others that may be new in my life. But not with my dogs. I will give them chance after chance and I can open up myself and be myself around them. They just lay on my lap or give me lovins and all is well in my world. Why can’t people be that way?

Man, when someone puts out a random thought that gets me thinking is dangerous for all my readers. I was thinking to myself what is so great about dogs and why do people love them so. Here are a few of my thoughts on this subject.

On the topic of building walls I think sometimes they are healthy, but others not quite so. For every hurt a new block is placed and by the time we realize it, we have a full blown wall that nobody can break. There have been people I have put a lot of trust in and because of broken trusts and hurts, one more is added.

If the walls grow too much and you feel like you are loosing contact with the person (happens from time to time – i. e. when a friend is too busy and your friend is just slipping away). There are times if a relationship or friendship means enough to each other the walls can slowly come down. For me that takes time. The reason for that is because I have had my wall open up to certain friends and then I come to find out that the friendship wasn’t really as important to them as it was to be and that trust was broken or the load was to heavy for the friendship. Eventually that wall goes back up and I have a way of just letting the wall stay and letting the¬†mortar¬†set is and not go into anything with anyone.This is a statement someone else said on a website about this topic and I found it all to true for me: Most of us would agree that we show different facets of our personalities in different situations. You open yourself up to different people in different degrees. As you get to know them, like them, and/or trust them, you may decide to open up to a greater degree. Sometimes traumatic or stressful situations throw people together, causing strangers to form close bonds. This is another example of using walls effectively– knowing when to lower them.

When someone I know hurts me, or disappoints me, I find that my guard goes up–the wall gets a little higher. I will be a bit more cautious around them–not as open. But I also find that the more I see qualities that I like in a person, the lower the walls get, and the more I tend to share and trust. I find it is usually reciprocal.

ImageNow let me go into the why I love dogs and why it’s safe to let the walls come tumbling down.

Dogs need us, they give us a purpose. A lot of us have the strong desire and/or need to care for other living beings, and not all have children around. So, we get pets…and those pets like my dogs fill that void.

Dogs remind us to take life easy and to play . Well, they often demand it and we remember that it is fun and important to be silly and laugh. You don’t even need fancy toys. Just relax and follow your dog’s lead.

Dogs understand what is really important. A dog can provide so much of that from being something soft to pet to being a warm body snuggled up against you. My dogs Jasper and Parker love to be loved and they return that ten fold.

Dogs are great listener. They aren’t so good at giving feedback, but that’s okay. The point is to be able to talk and not get an opinion back.

The love of a dog is unconditional. Dogs don’t care what political affiliations or religious beliefs you have. They don’t care if you take a shower or not. You can gain 90 pounds and they’ll still love you. We are constantly judged by others, and even ourselves, but not by our faithful canine companions. Now, they may get a little irritable if you don’t feed them one day, but that’s an easy one to resolve.

After listing all the things that are great about dogs, I think us humans need to take lead and pay attention to them.