Author: Sandie D

Today I was thinking about church and prayer meetings. 

When we first moved to St. George, we found our home, church and a grocery store. We had to laugh at the locals because they said the grocery store was all the way across town. Coming from Phoenix, AZ I was expecting a drive. Nope, it was just a mile or two if that. Anyhow, back to my thoughts on prayer. 

For those who have read my past blogs, you will know that I went to a Nazarene Church in Willcox , AZ. I was baptized in that church and most of my fond memories of church go all the way back to the Nazarene Church. When we moved here, there was no Nazarene Church so we ended up at St. George Community Church. I have no regrets for the most part since I feel just as at home there as my church I grew up in. In my heart, I think I will always be a Christian that has the ways and beliefs I was taught in the Nazarene Church.  

The reason why I got on this topic is because of a message my brother in law got from a guy at my church that they were doing a Mens Prayer group. 

When we first started at the church it was Sunday Services only and no evening services. I think for most churches in our area that is still true. I believe there is only a couple churches that meets on Sunday nights. 

The churches I always went to had a Weds Evening Service. The service was different than the ones on Sunday. On Weds if focused on prayer. The service for the most part would last about an hour or so. Depending on how many prayers were being said. We would start with a opening prayer, song, a short message or whatever else the pastor wanted to share. Sometimes it wasn’t a message, it would be whatever was on his heart at the time. Then we always ended in prayer. 

Our church had actual alters for prayer. Those people who could kneel would kneel, the others would come closer and pray. If a person wanted to say a prayer and share with others they could do that. There was no time limits or limits on what to pray for. If they were like me where I didn’t like to pray out loud, I would pray silently and listen to the prayers of others. 

When I first walked into our church here in St. George, I have to admit I looked around for the alters to pray. To me it didn’t seem normal to not have one. I did finally ask someone once we decided it was the place to be. They told me that they have an alter in front. OK! Now I’m dumbfounded over how I could miss alters in front.  I know I don’t have the best ability of paying attention. But there was no alter that I could see. Then they pointed it out to me. They called the table that says ” Do this in Remembrance of Me” an alter. I’m sure I gave them the ‘what the heck are you talking about” look.

Our church had that one too. But that is where we put the Bible and candles and whatever else that was suppose to go there. I didn’t see how people could kneel and pray at that table that is taller than my dining room table. It must still bother me, because it doesn’t seem right that there isn’t a designated place to pray and to come forward to pray. It must just be a me thing because nobody else mentions it. 

Some say you can pray in the pew or where ever you are and that is true. I can’t argue there. But there is something special about going before the Lord in prayer and joining others that are praying. 

I don’t know if a Weds night prayer service would work too good since most are older people who don’t drive. But I think it would be cool to do that. 

Pugs are those cute little dogs that that have a smashed in face and snores a lot. Today I was reading an article that was in a magazine that our vet sends out He has a pug too and I’m, guessing his is fun too. When I got to reading about pugs in the article, I had to laugh. Basically this is what it said in a nutshell. “Pugs have a fairly even temper, and while they can be quite perky, they are not generally a breed that barks to excess. They are protective, and make good watchdogs due to their attentive nature. Pugs are not generally combative, and do well with strangers and other animals in the house. Pugs are loyal to their owners, and can easily adapt to their owners’ schedule since they are creatures of habit.” With Pugs you also have to be careful when it comes to exercise and the heat. They can get over heated very easily and can die because of it.

Now, the reason I got on this topic is because I have a pug. His name is Jasper. When they were describing the traits of pugs, I was wondering if they missed the mark. My pug does meet many of them/ But when they say pugs don’t bark excessively has never met Jasper. He can out bark the best of them. Jasper owns me; he is loyal and gets along with others. But when I come into the house he is yelling at me pug style. He is giving me the look.  You know the look that means you are in trouble. When I take a bath he is there too. I will attach a video of Jasper when I walk into the house. He lets it known to everyone that he is my dog. For a good five minutes he is barking. If he doesn’t see me when I come in, I will hide from him, lol. But if he doesn’t see me, he runs from room to room until I show up or he sees me.

There isn’t anything calm about him unless he is eating or sleeping. I do have a Pug and Pekingese mix dog that loves to stir the pot. He antagonizes Jasper and Patsy. Parker was rescued from a hoarder and it took a while for him to get use to things. But he terrorizes the house. He runs for awhile and knocks chairs over and turns every carpet in the house over. He should have been called Turbo. I think he picked up the Pekingese side. When reading the article, I’m thinking that they can’t be talking about Jasper and Parker, because they are mouthy. It is true that they are friendly and easy to get along with. They are stubborn and can easily get what they want, i.e. scrap of food. They can get chunky so table food should be limited. Jasper is like a Garfield in dog clothing.

In the article they talked how calm they are and they get along wonderfully with kids. They did get that partially right. Jasper and Parker both love kids, people and anyone who gives attention. The word calm in no way describes my dogs. I guess when I describe my pug, I think of me. He loves to be loved. He likes to talk back and is stubborn. Both of our Pugs are very outgoing. They can try your patience when trying to train the He is the perfect dog for me. Here is a video of him barking at the TV.

There is a small breeze and perfect temperatures around here. For me this is the beginning of no more 100 degree plus days.

When I think of fall it reminds me of peace. All around I can see the changes of the leaves and the cool breeze carrying them away.

Growing up, we would rake up the leaves and then jump into the piles. I find it sad that the times have changed. People have riding lawn mowers or they hire someone to get them raked up. Now granted it Is time consuming, but it was a lot of fun jumping into them and you could smell the leaves. I know that is weird. But there is a smell when it comes to damp leaves.

I did a article for our churches newsletter about the fall and how pretty it is. Even though the leaves are falling, there is something peaceful when you watch a leaf flutter in the wind and finally land. I was thinking about the article and how much I miss doing the newsletter. I no longer do it, but I loved it when I could make it alive with things happening here and now. The woman at church that does it does a good job though. If she ever wants to give it up, I think I will ask to take it back over. I miss the busy work and the designing of things. It gives me something to do and makes me feel that I am giving since I don’t have much money for tithing.

I was thinking after I gave it up that I may regret it. I loved it when people were waiting and wanted to see what was going on. When you see people standing around and talking about how the newsletter looked and such, it made me feel good. Even though there was one little old lady at my church that would take it upon herself to mark each and every mistake I made.  I didn’t realize at the time I would miss doing it.

Right now with my health the way it is, it would be a welcomed distraction. It gave me the chance to make a difference and fill my time as I do my medicines. 

OK! Back to leaves and the purpose of this blog post. In my mail today I got a very special package from Ruth. She sent me leaves from Missouri. I know it seems like something small and not a big deal. For me it is awesome. I love the idea that these leaves will work for my door wreath. What makes it even better is that Ruth took the time to select the best leaves and send them to me.  My husband Chuck tells me I get excited over stupid stuff. The way I see it is that God created these leaves and nature. They remind me of living in Indiana. I would search for unique leaves and fun things for hours.

I’m very excited that summer is over and that the fall is here. Now I can go outside with my cup of coffee and enjoy things around me. When it is overly hot, I’m miserable for almost all summer long. The cool nights have been awesome.

When I go outside I can see the stars, hear the crickets and enjoy the peace. I will have to do a video of just the sounds around me. That will be when there are no cars driving around. If you haven’t gotten the chance to do that, you should. It is very relaxing. It makes it nice when you can take a friend with and bring hot cocoa and just sit and take in the beauty around you.

Pretty soon I’m going to go shoot some pictures of the fall leaves. I can’t wait. I asked my pastor’s wife Kathi if she would like to go with since she loves nature too. It will be a lot of fun. 

Dr’s and more Dr’s! I went to my pain management Dr and once again they were stressed and worried about my blood pressure. My blood pressure on this visit was 220/113 or something like that. When I seen the blood pressure, I was thinking that my Dr was going to send me back to the ER to get treated. By now this is becoming a routine. The kind of routine that is basically worthless because there isn’t much they can do to bring it down. It’s one of those things that is what it is.

Because of the Myasthenia Gravis, my muscles don’t work like they should which puts extra stress on organs and such. The medications they give me for the blood pressure in my opinion is just a waste of time because they are doing now good. But then when I ask them about the meds, they tell me that without them my blood pressure would be much higher. Maybe they are right in some weird way.

I was telling my one Dr that what bugs me is that the medications he gives me is making me gain weight. He told me as he was writing out the prescription that I will notice weight gain and swelling. But I needed this medication to prevent a stroke. I get that it is important to take medicine to prevent a stroke and that my Dr’s are obviously concerned over that. But in my brain, I’m thinking the weight gain can also be dangerous when it comes to my blood pressure.

I did talk to one of my Drs about this and he understood where I was coming from. Not that he couldn’t do anything about it, but he understood. You see, my way of thinking is that if you have additional weight and I have gained more than my share of weight it causes your heart and lungs to work harder. If it is causing your heart and lungs to work harder,  it is a given that it will increase your blood pressure. So there is the weight gain issue and then there is the pain issue.

My pain management Dr has been really good at trying to come up with a good pain management plan. But there is only so much they can do because of the way my muscles work or should I say don’t work. If the medications I take become to sedative than my breathing becomes too shallow. They can’t do surgery because I can’t be knocked out because I don’t wake up. Plus as soon as I go to sleep my O2 drops into the 70’s even with oxygen. If something could be fixed, it couldn’t be done in surgery unless they could do it as a local.

I don’t want to seem like I’m complaining because I try not to do that. But I do have to say that I am getting Dr’d out. The pain management Dr now wants me to see an Endocrinologist. To me, it is just another Dr that won’t be able to do much about what is going on because my body fights itself since what I have is auto immune. It’s a vicious cycle for the most part. When I think of adding another Dr to my medical team, I think of how much it is a waste of time.

When my pain management Dr asked how I deal with this and all the headaches and other medical things I had to give all that credit to God. The Dr’s give medicine and diagnosis’s that they can’t do anything about, change or make better. It isn’t something that is going to go away. But I know without a doubt that God is there. I know He has a much better plan and I guess I’m not really worried about my medical things in the same way my Dr’s are and that is because of my faith.

Now, there are days that God and I have to have some one on one discussions and I’m not in the best of moods. I don’t like the whole Job situation. Job in the Bible was tempted and pretty much lost everything and was broken by Satan. But he remained loyal to God. He was rewarded in the end, but he sure went through a lot to get to that point. I have to say that is one of my least favorite books in the Bible at times.

I don’t believe that God wants us to suffer and that He has a plan. There are times I get angry with God and wonder what the heck is going on. But I don’t lose faith in Him because I know that the end result is worth anything we as humans go through.

When I go into my “I want to have a pity party mode”, I think of those who are children that are facing death and uncertain outcomes. I think of the parents who are sitting there holding the hands of their child as the cancer monster claims their child’s life. And yet, they remain faithful and strong in knowing God is there with them. I can’t begin to understand that kind of horror. I can’t begin to understand going through that without knowing God is there.

I had a friend one time tell me that I needed to have more faith, not just talk about it, but to give it all to God. I thought about that statement for a long time and it really bothered me and still does on some levels. It was almost like she was saying that it isn’t OK to be angry to ask God what is going on. God knows how I feel and what I am thinking. Even when I don’t know or I don’t put it in the right words, He knows.

Each person who goes through things deals in a different way. Sometimes that is with anger, resentment or maybe running away from the situation. These children and parents can’t run away from the situation. People that have horrible diseases can’t run away. And I believe it is Ok to ask God why. Asking God why doesn’t mean you don’t trust Him or have faith. It is because someone may not understand and they need to know that God or someone is listening.

It’s because of the strength of these children and their families that I can say that what I deal with is very small in comparison. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. We may think we can’t and many times I do think it is beyond our ability to deal with these things on our own. For me atleast, I need to know that God is there. My favorite verse in the Bible is Psalm 46:1. And that verse says ‘God is my refuge and strength, ever present in times of trouble.” That verse gives me hope. It tells me that God is always there and that He will never leave me.

How people that don’t know God and have the certainty that God is there no matter what is difficult and sad for me. This world can destroy and break a person if they don’t have someone like God on their side. To think about going through health issues, death of loved ones, and a whole basketful of other things that can and does happen without God is hard for me to imagine. If I didn’t have God and know that Christ died for me and that I was forgiven for my wrong turns and bad choices, life wouldn’t be worth living.

To me, life would be senseless if there was no hope. Because Christ died for me, I have hope and peace. It doesn’t mean I don’t get angry and upset. It means that I know that no matter what God has my back. And the very thought of thinking that there is no God or that He isn’t there through good and bad is more of a nightmare to me. 

I would say that I have a Dr in almost every specialty when it comes to my medical care. But the Dr that really counts is Christ. He is the one that can heal in whatever sense He chooses. Healing isn’t always curing. Healing can mean a variety of things. To me the ultimate healing is when you get to heaven and there is no more pain, suffering, tears and Christ is present. In this world there will never be complete healing. Someone may go into remission or symptoms cease. But everyone will die at some point. Nobody leaves this world without dying unless Christ comes again and we are taken. Christ being the perfect man had to die on the cross in the most horrible way. But He lives now.

I do have to admit that because of my medical things it has opened many doors and given me many opportunities to witness to people I would have never gotten the chance to witness to. When the test results shows one thing and I’m still here and defying what the Drs think should be, I can honestly tell them that I am here because of God’s grace. God has a bigger plan than anyone can comprehend. I don’t understand and I can’t begin to understand what is going on when it comes to God. Our minds can’t understand and grasp that kind of power and love. We were born into sin and we will die because of sin. But we will live because of Christ and the blood that was shed by Him on the cross.

Right now I am frustrated because they want me to see another Dr that can’t do anything for the most part. So this post is a bit of a vent, but also a affirmation that no matter what any Dr says I have a better physician that knows what is what and He already has the test results and He didn’t need a MRI, Sleep Study, Echocardiogram, Cat Scan, Spinal Tap, Blood draw and whatever other test Dr’s may say needs to be done.

I will close this post now since it was longer than I wanted It to me, but I wanted to voice my thoughts and opinion. And since writing is what helps me more than pills, I will take you all along on my journey. Thank you all for letting me vent and share with you all…