This is going to be a blog post that will come in parts. I am going to talk about different types of people who have various forms of narcissism. This blog post will talk about 2 forms and then the next blog posting will come in a couple of days with the final 2 types of people with narcissism. All of the forms I will be talking about are actual people I know with them, but I will be leaving out names because I don’t want everyone to start messaging them and bothering them. So, I will try to protect their identity.

Person 1 “Look at Me” Narcissistic Person

This is one of those topics that has been on my mind for some time. It goes by many different names. The names that has been on my mind lately is narcissistic. I have known a number of people with this syndrome or personality disorder. The unofficial terminology I would use though is the , “pity party express”, “woe is me”,  “look at me” and “poor me”. I do want to clarify that I’m not talking about those who truly suffer from depression or mental illnesses. I am talking about those who want to be the center of attention even if it means hurting those around them and at any cost.

I’m willing to bet that most everyone has met someone who is a narcissist.  I am known way to many of them. A good way to tell if you have a narcissist in your circle of family and friends would be to think back about someone who always seems to manage to bring just about any topic of conversation back to them themselves. For example, I have a family member who will call me up and we get in a conversation about how I’m doing. It’s just one of those small talk things. Usually she is the one starting up the conversation.

I’m not sure if many realizes this, but there is such a thing as sensitive narcissists. The type of narcissistic person I am thinking about for this blog post falls into the category of a sensitive narcissist. I would say that I know more narcissists that are sensitive, at least on the surface. This type of narcissist in my opinion is the most destructive. They are caring and compassionate. They are able to feel people’s pain naturally.  This type of narcissist are pros at manipulation and controlling others. They know how to get what they want.

The conversation goes like this for the most part. “Hi Sandie, how are you doing? I heard you weren’t feeling good. My answer is always that I am fine and I like to leave it like that. They wouldn’t understand what I am saying anyhow.  I let her know that there isn’t anything to really to complain about. She then would say, “That’s good”! After I comment with, “I’m fine.” Everything falls into place. Now is when she starts the,”Me” talk. Well, not about me, but she is talking about her. My part of the conversation is, “Uh Huh”.

Here is a bit of the conversation: 

• Caller: Hi Sandie, how are you doing?

• Me: I’m doing OK, how are you?

• Caller: I’m OK, just tired of life

• Me: Why is that? (I should not have asked)

• Caller: I have been doing everything for everyone else! I have no time for myself. Nobody really cares about me! I have all of these things to do and I have no money to do anything! I have to cook for unnamed person. Then I have to go help this other person do this. Why is it I have to do everything? They take all of my energy, I have no me time!

• Me: If you feel this way, why do you keep doing what you are doing? You can say no.

• Caller: Yes, I know I can say no, but they need me. God has told me that I am to do all of these things. Nobody get’s it! It’s because of everything I do that people are happy. Nothing will get done without me. God told me that I’m suppose to do these things.  People love me since I bring them home cooked meals and do their laundry. All of these things I do for everyone will make it easier to get to heaven.

• Me: I hate to tell you this, but you can’t buy your way into heaven.

• Caller: I don’t want to talk about this. I am a better person because I do all of these things for people.  I do this and that (too much to list). Everyone loves me because I do things for them.

• Me: You do everything because you want people to think you are the greatest person ever and because you need to feel worthwhile. None of these things will make you happy until you can accept the person who you are. If you aren’t helping because you want to, then it is in vain.

One day as I was talking to her, she was going on and on about everything she does for everyone else. She does these things for everyone else, but those good deeds (supposedly) will come with a price since they aren’t from the goodness of her heart. If she has helped someone out, I can tell you for sure that everyone will know exactly what she did, how much she spent and how terrible you are as a person since she had to ride in and save the day.  many many years ago, I decided that it is best to step away from these kinds of relationships family or not.

I think about the Toby Keith song, “I Want to Talk About Me”.

Person 2 – Emotional Kidnapping

There is a friend I have been praying for that has mental illness and some other things wrong with her. Lately she has been so upset with those around her and her family that she is feeling like she is hated because nobody cares about her and nobody loves her. She has many problems and she wants to have it where things are about her  and only her. She is in denial when it comes to many things. What gets me is that while I know how loved she is, she can’t see it. If people don’t buy into her drama or manipulations, then she becomes irate with them to the point of making threats about not wanting to live anymore. She begins taking everyone down with her.

It shouldn’t be that way because someone wanting to die is very serious. I feel horrible for her friends and family members because they have had their lives turned upside down for many years all because of her neediness. Each time I see her or visit her, it is as if she is going further down the spiral staircase. I don’t know how much her family can take of this behavior. A couple of them have been in tears over how torn up their lives have become, just because of this one person. They have lost everything. They have nothing anymore and it is all because of the lies and manipulations. The more they lose, the more she blames them for it. When in reality, it isn’t that way at all.

She gets upset with them and makes threats that are very much on the level of a 2 yr old toddler. She kicks and screams and carries on when she doesn’t get her way. Once they give in and let her do what she wants, all of a sudden she is all lovey dovey again.

It’s been a while since I last seen her family and I feel bad for them. Each and every person is under her storm cloud. You can see the weariness in their eyes and body language. They have given up their lives just to be at her beck and call. It’s very unsettling. Her depression and threats of suicide are destroying her family. Everyday is a battle. Her family has lost everything because she is there and their lives rotate around her.

I take threats of suicide very serious. I have lost way to many people who I love to suicide. Mental illness is very real and if someone is saying they are committing suicide just to get their way or as a means of manipulating someone, I would like to say they are a coward. When I call them up because I am worried that they may do something and then they say they were just joking, that is nothing to joke about. I then tell her how heartless it is that she uses that as a way to get her way that when Brian’s family was told he committed suicide has to live with the loss of a loved one who really had severe depression forever. Then there is a young man named Frankie that committed suicide by shooting himself. I have no tolerance to people claiming they are going to kill themselves as a joke. . Click here for my blog post about suicide. I posted a blog with information about suicide prevention and the crisis line.

She asked me day about what I thought about how her family is treating her like she pond scum. I told her that the best thing for her would be to pull up her big girl panties and start acting like an adult instead of a child. I explained to her that while she is wallowing in the pity party of hers, her family and friends are sinking deeper and deeper into the quicksand of her life. I also explained to her that her family are being held as emotional hostages and she is the key holder. There will come a day when those who are taking care of her and helping her will be gone.

Then there is a family member that I love dearly, but she really needs to learn the “NO” word. My sister Joyce has no idea on saying no. She is getting better at it though. I know she wants to help people out when they can’t help themselves. There will come a day when she has to stop having the mentality that she is the caretaker of the world. She doesn’t need to be Underdog and Wonder Woman. I don’t know if it is fully her fault. She has always given anything she has to those who has asked. Most of the time, NO is the best answer. People will keep taking if they know you are going to give to the point of you not having anything.

In the next day or two I will post the follow up to this one.

I have been noticing that there is many who are experiencing emotional and mental health crisis’s and are thinking about suicide. The information on this page is from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Website:

Call the Suicide Hotline if you need to talk or are considering suicide. 1-800-273-8255

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We’re committed to improving crisis services and advancing suicide prevention by empowering individuals, advancing professional best practices, and building awareness.

He left behind parents that loved him and he also was the middle child. He had an older brother and a younger sister . He also left a sweet little girl. Out of respect for his family, I’m not sharing his name on here. He wouldn’t have left us if there wasn’t a lot of things going on at the time.

Then there is another young man named France Walsh (Frankie). I have known his parents since Frankie was only around 4 yrs old. He committed suicide on May 15, 2013. He left behind his parents, sister Lynette and his daughter. He was only 24 yrs old.

Crisis, stress, depression, and other issues affect people in different ways.

Suicide Prevention Warning Signs

• Hopelessness, feeling like there’s no way out
• Anxiety, agitation, sleeplessness, or mood swings
• Feeling like there is no reason to live
• Rage or anger
• Engaging in risky activities without thinking
• Increasing alcohol or drug abuse
• Withdrawing from family and friends

The following signs require immediate attention:

• Thinking about hurting or killing yourself
• Looking for ways to kill yourself
• Talking about death, dying, or suicide
• Self-destructive behavior such as drug abuse, weapons, etc.

Remember…help is a phone call away.

In any crisis, if you are in immediate danger, call 911.

Options For Deaf + Hard of Hearing

If you cannot call 911, proceed to the nearest Hospital Emergency Room to ask for assistance. Regardless of the type of crisis, the Emergency staff will contact whichever branch of crisis intervention service is appropriate to get you the help you need.

• Veterans– For veterans, crises can be heightened by their experiences during military service. If you’re a veteran or service member and in crisis, these resources can help.
• Youth- Suicide is the second leading cause of death for young people between 10 to 24. Sometimes your struggle can be underestimated because of your age. But we hear you, and help is available.

• Take your loved one seriously: Some people feel that kids who say they are going to hurt or kill themselves are “just doing it for attention.” But if your child,  friend, or family member confides thoughts of suicide, believe them and get help.
• Learn the warning signs: Friends sometimes let friends know if they are thinking about suicide or dying. Other times, changes in behavior may show that someone is struggling.
• Don’t keep suicide a secret: If your friend is considering suicide, don’t promise to keep it a secret. Tell him or her you can help, but you need to involve other people, like a trusted adult. Neither of you have to face this alone.
• Listen with empathy and provide support: A fight or breakup might not seem like a big deal, but for a young person it can feel immense. Sympathize and listen. Minimizing what your child or friend is going through can increase his or her sense of hopelessness.

Over the last month, I have gotten into a number of conversations about my faith and most of the time, they ask me why do I still trust that God is there for me since I still have serious medical diagnosis’. It’s hard to put into words at times.  In my heart it is very simple. I know that God is always there for me, no matter what.

A couple of my friends have asked me why it is that they feel abandoned by God and why does He seem so far away when they need Him the most. There was a time in my life when I felt that God was silent.  I would have to say that during the moments are silence I felt even further from Him. The quieter He became, it was as if my trials and tribulations were at their worse.

I don’t know if there are many out there that have the mind-set that God could easily take care of the situation and tell us what to do. Wouldn’t life be so much easier if God would sweep in like Jeannie from “I Love Jeannie” and make everything good. Just a twitch of the nose and all is well in the world. But, that wouldn’t be a good thing to happen because we need to go through these trials and tribulations. I would have to say that they are more of a “trial of faith”.

I find it really sad that some of those who claim that God isn’t listening and they truly believe that God isn’t there for them anymore. One person actually feels that there is no God and that God has to prove it to them that He is real. I find that sad since they are sitting in church and listening to the sermon and yet, they feel that there is no God or that God has to prove Himself to them.

My health seems to come up a lot during these type of conversations. They reason why is because they don’t understand how I can still trust in the Lord and at the same time be thankful for what He has given me.

We are told in Romans 15:4-6;

 ⁴ For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

For some reasons mankind has this crazy idea that God needs to hurry up and do things our way. God is very patient with His people and I would think we need to be patient with Him. Throughout the Bible everything has been written down so that we can learn. Because of what was written we can find encouragement and hope.

I have had my friend Lisa and my sister Joyce on my heart lately, but for different reasons, well, somewhat.

My friend Lisa is moving away because she hates it in Utah. She has a tremendous amount of faith in God. I don’t worry about her walk with Christ. What I do worry about is how she has lost her hope and she has given up on happiness in a way. She has had a great deal of depression and isn’t happy. I don’t know if she is going to find happiness where she is moving, but I know she has to give it a try. I would like to tell Lisa that God loves her and I love her.

I totally get how life can and does produce some harsh storms. But, you can survive these storms by taking shelter under sturdy walls and structures. My verse I say all the time has helped me weather these storms.  As we go though these storms and trials, we may feel overwhelmed by the “stuff in our lives. There are times we may feel there is no place to run and hide.  But, let’s remember that God does offer us protection and emotional safety. “My verse is a promise from God and I rely on that promise daily.

Psalms 46:1- God is our refuge and strength, ever-present in times of trouble. 

Psalm 55:1  Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!  For my soul trusts in You; And in the shadow of Your wings I will take my refuge, until these calamities have passed by.  (NKJV)

I would also like to my sister Joyce to understand that she too can find hope and rest in Jesus Christ. We need to cover ourselves with the Armour of God each and every day of our lives.  I know Joyce that you are feeling like there is nothing for you in this life. I hear in your voice how you want to give up and quit. God knows what your hope and dreams are, all you have to do is be willing to listen and wait for Him to answer. I know it may seem like a long time, but He will speak if you allow Him to. You may not like the answer, but it is important to do if you ever want any form of happiness and hope.

 (Ephesians 6:10-20) I then quietly settle my thinking and focus on donning the helmet of salvation; the breastplate of righteousness and the belt of truth.  I ‘place’ the shoes of the gospel of peace on my feet and pick up the shield of faith and the sword of the spirit, take a deep breath and then begin my day again; this time with right thinking and with God’s purpose. Read More… 

I can’t even count how many times people have asked me about how can I not be angry at God for making me sick. At first I would get angry when they would ask me this question. The reason why I would get angry is that I have no anger at God about it. I don’t believe that God gives us bad things. I do believe that God has a way of using bad things in our lives to make us stronger and all things work out in the end.

What I have come to realize is that I have a lifetime of experiences and trials. Because of my trials, I have been able to comfort others who have and are going through the same heavy loads. My hardships have brought meaning to my life and I hope my words help and encourage others.

(2 Corinthians 1:4) “(God) comforts us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

I have always had this problem of making things harder than they should be. When I was in elementary school, my math teacher would have us come to the front to do a problem. We had to show the class how we came up with the answer. While they were already done, I was still working on the math problem. After a few minutes I was done. I had the right answer, but I made it harder than it should have been. I feel that life is that way. Sometimes the things in our life are harder than they should be. We stress over everything little thing. What we should be doing instead is laying it at the feet of Jesus and believe that He will guide us in the right direction.

I would like to say to my friend Lisa, Joyce and everyone else, myself included that things will work out. Everything will fall into place just like God has planned it out to be. Everything will work out according to Gods will, if you will just give it all to Him. I would say He is can handle it better than we can.

I think I am going to close this post down by offering this prayer and if others would like to pray it, you are more than welcome.

Heavenly Father, I am more than guilty of wanting to do things my way and in my time. While I work at handing everything over to you, my willpower has a way of getting in the way. Lord, Jesus, I pray that you help me be aware of your presence in my life. Thank you for watching over me and watching over those who are facing hardships and difficult trials. Lord, Jesus, help me turn everything over to you, which would include the good, the bad and the ugly.

Lord, Jesus, while my intentions are good, I find that I get caught up in the storms of life. Help me seek You above anything and anyone else. Lord, Jesus, I also pray for Lisa who is facing some pretty difficult days. My desire is for her to stay here, but that may not be the right thing for her. You know what is right and you already have her life’s book written out. My prayer for her is to seek you first, which I know she does. I pray that she listens to what you are putting on her heart.

I know Lord, Jesus that this is a bit of a long prayer, longer than I thought it would be. But, I pray for my sister Joyce. I get the sense that she is lost in the world. I am worried about he happiness. She is stubborn and has a tendency to just jump ship when she gets close to people. I have been worried about her mental health and I worry about where she is living. Lord, I pray she finds the joy, peace and her place in the world.

In Jesus’s Name I pray, Amen

This is a good devotional to read. It answers the question of “Where is God” 

She was talking about Freshman Slave Day and Initiation day. I went to Willcox High School in Willcox, AZ. The upper class-man would literally have a slave auction where they would sell the freshman students to the highest bidder. The slave would have to do everything the master would have them do. I was bought by a friend, but she wasn’t. I was glad my friend bought me and I never had to do anything. But, that was not what happened to most of the students.

One student was wearing a chain around his neck after the auction. There were a number of students that were walking around wearing diapers. A number of them had tears in their eyes. They felt they had to participate or they would be treated badly by those that were more popular.  The way I see it is that it is a popularity contest. I don’t know where the money went to. I’m sure it went to the school for something.

Since she didn’t get bought she would have to go through an initiation. So, the student body or who ever it was, would call out the names of those students who didn’t get bought and they would be shamed in front of the entire school during an assembly.

When she was called up, lets say I was not very happy. I told her that those who called her name had no right to humiliate her by calling her in front of the entire class, teachers, principles and so on. I told her to just sit there and don’t listen or walk out. I would walk out with her. Those around me could hear what I was telling her. A couple were saying it isn’t a big deal, hmmmm… If they tried to do that to me, I can guarantee you that they would have all heard about it, right then and there.  I would have been one of those leading pickets and forming demonstrations. My friend told me that she would just do it since it would be worse for her if she didn’t.

I didn’t see this as a fun thing at all. What I seen was the tears and the fears of those who knew they would be called up during the assembly. I remember the tears from the boy who had to change his cloths so he can put on his gym shorts and made to climb a rope that went from the ceiling to the floor. Another rope was tethered to his shorts, so the higher he went, the lower his shorts would become. I don’t have to say what happened there and yet the student body was allowed to continue this disgraceful act.

I was talking to my niece about this and was having her go over my blog to make sure it sounded right. And she pointed out something that I never really think about because it is just part of my life. In my family, I would say that we are a melting pot. I have family members that are Hispanic, Indian, black, white and mixed. I have had seemingly close friends come up to me and they want to share a funny joke about one race or another. They automatically assume that because I am white, that they have a right to tell me jokes about other races. Let me say that they did NOT get the reaction they were looking for. And, let me say, they are no longer friends. I want to thank Christina was reading this and pointing out that I should share that we are a blended family. And I know I am a Christian and I want to say that this is one of those topics that makes me want to reach out and touch someone. So, I would hope that people don’t mess with my family. The color of someones skin has nothing to do with who they are as a person. Just Saying!!! I may get mad at those in my family, but I would hope nobody else would hurt a family member just because they married someone that is black or any other race.

I would like to touch on modern-day slaves.  Not many may be aware that it is happening all over the world. Human trafficking is the trade of humans, most commonly for the purpose of forced labor, sexual slavery, or commercial sexual exploitation for the trafficker or others.  There is a movie that recently came out that I absolutely love and I bought it on Amazon. It is called Priceless. One of the singers from King and Country is in the movie and the main character.  Human trafficking is a crime against the person because of the violation of the victim’s rights. Human trafficking is the trade in people, and does not necessarily involve the movement of the person from one place to another.

• 71 Arresested in Utah
• What’s Being Done to Stop Child Trafficking in Utah?  Good4Utah News

• 12 years a Slave Movie – Free on YouTube
• Roots {The Next Generations} Episode 1 1979 – This is just episode 1. They have a link for the additional ones
• The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman – Free on YouTube
• The Help – One of my faves- Free on YouTube
• Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Free on YouTube
• Goodbye UncleTom – Free on YouTube
• Slaves, 1969 – Free on YouTube

• The Dawn Of Black Power – 1970 – All people deserves to be treated equally and with respect. The color of a person’s skin shouldn’t matter.
• Journey through Slavery ep 1 of 4 – Terrible Transformation – This is free on YouTube
• A Story of Slavery: A True Story, Repeated Word For Word As I Heard It – Short Documentary
• VOICES FROM THE DAYS OF SLAVERY – LAURA SMALLEY – Free on YouTube

My mom died almost 2 yrs ago. I know she is in a better place, but even knowing that, I still feel like she should be here.

The last time I seen her was APRIL 23, 2015. Mom passed away on August 21st 2015. if you would like to read her obituary that I wrote, you can click here to read more about my mom.

Today while I was watching TV this commercial came on that I probably read way to much into it. But it was about a little girl who is guilt tripping her parents into hiring a maid to clean their house so her parents can give her 100 percent of their attention. She made sure to mention that she is cute also But, while I was watching it, I started thinking about my mom and how I was raised. If you want to read that blog and my thoughts, it is the post right before this one.

Like I said, I was thinking about my mom when this commercial came on. I was thinking about how the first time I did dishes on my own I was around 4 or 5. It’s so long ago, so, I am guessing at my age. I had to step on an old wooden crate so I could reach the faucet. My parents were gone and I wanted to show them that I can do dishes now. I was so proud of myself. You would have thought I just won a huge prize since I was so happy that I could do them and I did them alone. That was somewhat short-lived since I just proved to them that I could do dishes, so guess who got to do KP duty? Yeppers, it was me.

As I was remembering how I could do dishes and soon after I was doing other chores in the house and in the yard. I’m pretty sure I grumbled a lot since I hated doing house work I was more athletic and that is what I chose to do and didn’t get to unless I finished my chores. There were 5 kids in our family and I was stuck in the middle. We only had one boy in the family. We all thought he could and did get away with anything and everything. Here is a list of chores I did when I was under the age of 10.

1. do dishes
2. hang clothes on the close line since we had no dryer
3. help make dinner if she needed help
4. fold clothes
5. clean the bathroom
6. vacuum and dust usually on Saturdays. My mom would make us vacuum in this weird pattern. i guess she wanted to make sure we did it right.
7. feed and water the dogs
8. rake the yard and pull weeds if needed
9. and more…

My favorite chore was helping my mom plant flowers. She loved roses. Her favorite color is the yellow ones. She would come home from the nursery in Willcox AZ. with flats of flowers. While I hated digging in the dirt and pulling weeds, I loved it when I got to help with the flowers. I would fake sleeping when it came to the weeds and digging. My sister Joyce also helped and loved it. Those were our favorite memories when it comes to actually spending time with mom. My husband and I along with my sister went past our old house in Willcox and it was a sad moment. My mom had one of the most beautiful yards, now it is far from pretty. Before we moved into this house/trailer, it looked like this.

 
I can’t help but smile when I see yellow roses. I have one that just bloomed the other day. I was talking to my mom and asked God to send me a message about if my mom is doing good and to tell her hi and that I love her. Usually when I ask for a sign, I ask for a cool breeze that would be strong. He took me literally. It was just the other day when I asked. I knew a storm was coming, so I was pretty sure it would be windy. When I started my conversation the wind was calm as can be. Then all of a sudden the wind came roaring in like a lion. The temperature drastically dropped. I grabbed my camera to take a video of the storm. You can hear the thunder and the wind was enough to knock me over.

As I was videoing the storm, I turned to my left and I seen the one and only yellow rose bloom. It still wasn’t opened when I got home around 3 and at that moment it started to open. It was such a surreal moment. You can see the yellow rose waving hi in the wind. If you want to see the video for the wind, here is the video with the sole yellow rose. I would also like to say that about 5 minutes after I took this video, the wind stopped where I live at. It was still wrecking havoc in and around our area, but it stopped blowing on the side of town I live on.

The last time I seen my mom, we were planting purple and white daisy’s that I bought for her. Even though she went home to the Lord shortly after, she still wanted to plant them. I was a bit leary on where she planted them since I am sure there were tons of sliders there. She just wipes them away and I run away, lol. She took my hand and we walked over to where her prized roses are. When I was talking to her hospice social worker, he was saying how he could see such a difference in her level of joy when she strolls out by where the roses are.

I do miss my mom and wish she was answering her phone. Mom and I have always had a different kind of relationship. There were times when I wouldn’t call for years because of all of the stuff going on. But, the last visit and the many conversations we had before she passed are moments I will cherish forever.

Last video of my mom- I’m grateful I have this so I can remember her voice.

Before she passed, I was blessed by having conversations with her about knowing God and I was also able to talk to her about some of the things that bothered me when I was still at home and things in recent years.

Ephesians 1:7-10 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace, which he lavished upon us, in all wisdom and insight making known to us the mystery of his will, according to his purpose, which he set forth in Christ as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth.

It’s hard having conversations that were filled with pain that has been hidden in my heart for such a long time. I wanted to let her know that I have forgiven her for things that went on in our home. I won’t go into detail on here. But, there was a great deal that needed to be discussed and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

The most important conversations we had been about being saved and about baptism. After our 90 minute conversation I felt at ease. She did end up getting baptized and my heart was happy. Mom was a new person after she got baptized.

My sister Joyce was down at my mom and dads. Joyce would hold the phone up to my moms ears and we would talk, well I would talk. Mom was in a coma for a few days before her graduation ceremony. She was graduating from this life and moving on to be with Jesus. I would turn on songs like, “Amazing Grace“, When the Roll is Called Up Yonder, some Charlie Pride and so on. Just a few minutes before she died I told her that she is going on. I told her about how beautiful it will be. If she thought he roses were awesome here, they are much more beautiful there. I also told her that Grandma and Grandpa will be there as well. I told her that I love her so very much and when I get there, she is going to have to show me around and show me her roses.

I want to thank you mom for teaching me life skills and how to plant roses. Thank you for teaching us how to make fried chicken.

I’m going to close this post by saying that if you have been hurt by someone, don’t take forever to talk to them. I lost a number of years because of stupid petty stuff with my parents. Some things were my fault and others not. Either way, holding grudges and not talking doesn’t accomplish anything. I have been there/done that. It’s not worth it. Talk about whatever it is and then enjoy life.

Colossians 3:13

13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

I was watching the care.com commercial. It has the little girl who is sitting at her table while her parents are cleaning the house. The commercial is a cleaning commercial and this little girl is saying. “she is growing up to fast for her parents to not be there”. The reason I am bringing this up is that this little girl is probably around 7 or so. Instead of her sitting there coloring in her coloring book, maybe she could get up and help her parents. I was doing chores when I was little and I would guess that many kids have and still does.

I went to go find the commercial that I am talking about and one commentor named Beverly wrote this;

Am I the only one who senses the wrong message being sent here? That parents should feel guilty about doing the housework on the weekends instead of ingratiating their kids? Wow, that’s such a bad message and guess what, I don’t buy it! Housekeeping, cleaning, cooking are all part of being a family. Involve children in and teach them how to perform the daily chores. Shame on you, Care.com.

I have no issue with people needing help, but for this girl or company to say that the parents should stop doing dishes and such just so they can sit there at the table so their daughter can have all of the attention kind of got to me. What if they didn’t have the money to spend all of this money on a maid? Would that mean that they don’t love their child/children.

Instead what parents should be teaching their child’s life skills such as cleaning, working outside, cooking and other things that will get them through life.

I remember the first time I did dishes. I think I was around 4 yrs old. I was so impressed that I could wash the dishes. Even though I had to stand on a wood crate to reach the sink. That feeling was fast to exit stage left though.  I didn’t realize my time of joy was about to go away since now they knew I could reach the sink with help and guess who got dish duty? Yep, me!

We also had to clean the house thoroughly every Saturday morning before we could do anything. One of the things that drove me crazy was how my mom would look at the patterns of the carpet to make sure we didn’t cheat at cleaning it. We would have to hang clothes on a real clothes line. We also had to cook. My mom did most of it and usually we had to help. But every now and then, it was on us. These are all things that children need to learn. Otherwise children will grow up thinking they are entitled and it is all about them. Well, that is happening now days. Each generation is worse in my opinion. I feel for the following one.

Even though I ended up hating the whole dish duty, taking out the trash and all the other things that most kids hate, it was things that I needed to do. Not all were bad though.

My mom loved flowers and roses. She had an incredibly green thumb. While I wasn’t fond of the whole gardening thing and such, I did enjoy learning how to plant flowers. She made sure to show us how to plant the roses and make sure there is a well around them so they can get enough water. She had the most enviable roses ever. All the neighbors would comment about her flowers. She also planted mums and all the other summer perennials.  Along with learning to plant and tend, you also had to learn to weed so the weeds didn’t kill and choke the flowers out.

I don’t know why this commercial stirred a negative reaction the way it has. For me, this girl may be cute, but she represents a selfish, self-centered child.  I think there are enough children now days that think it is all about them. I love children and my grandchildren. I will use my grandson JJ as an example.

JJ has this idea that he can’t do anything or he does everything and I mean EVERYTHING. lol. When it comes to him picking up his toys or his stuff. He will go on and on about how mean everyone is and how he is too little to pick up his stuff. But, when he is at my house he will through his things away and I don’t have to really argue with him about it. I asked JJ one day why it is that he doesn’t help at home and he feels he can’t do it. He said it is too hard. Meaning he has to many Legos and he leaves them all over. Meaning it is he, that leaves them. He also said that he knows he will get in trouble at my house if he doesn’t pick up his things or he doesn’t listen.  But, he doesn’t have to at his house, lol. At least with his mom he feels he doesn’t have to.

While JJ and other kids may stomp and throw a fit over having to do whatever chores they have to do and to clean up after themselves,  these are things they need to learn. I wonder how many kids watch the commercials or television programs where it has the parents being guilted into doing everything they want.

I know some may not like that I am bringing up Trump in this message. The reason I am bringing him up is that Trump and his wife have this theory that they let their son Barren do what ever it is that he wants to do. He can color on the walls, has his own schedule and is pretty much the one in charge of what he does. It isn’t just the Trumps, but there is this mentality from many parents all over the world. I don’t get it at all.

Parents should be parents. We are intrusted with raising them as God has intended. We aren’t their best friends. My daughters are my best friends. But, they are adults. When they were still at home, I was the parent. I beleive that all children should be respected and all children needs to be taught right from wrong.

A friend of mine that I met many years ago online wrote a status on her Facebook that said, “I hate feeling that I have to be everyone’s “rock”.” I adore this friend and she has a heart of gold. I pray that she is able to find her happy place.

I have felt like this from time to time until a friend told me nobody expected me to be the “rock”. At first I was upset until we talked about it a bit more and I could understand why my friend told me this, and he is right.

This is my reply to her message;

“You know what I think about this and I hope it doesn’t come off as being bad. I have always had the mindset that I had to be strong for everyone else. When in reality, that wasn’t the case. They never asked for me to be strong for them, I just took it upon myself as if that is how it should be. In reality, I was making it more difficult for those around me by me thinking it had to be me doing everything and being “supermom”, “super friend” and the all around person to carry the burdens. It took me many years to realize that it wasn’t my job to be the person to hold everyone up. My job was to pray for those who needed prayers.

My job was to listen and hold hands. My job was to take care of myself or I couldn’t be there for anyone else. We are human, we aren’t super humans. We aren’t rocks or we would be made a rock. God is who we should be going to when we need help. Jesus Christ is our Rock. He is our Strength. I would say, give yourself a chance to be you and take care of yourself. God has it all figured out and He is more than capable of being our ROCK and Fortress. I have learned a long time ago when a pastor told me that I was doing more harm by thinking I had to do it all when nobody expected me to do it all. “

When I think about my own need to come in and save the day, I can honestly say that there is no way I could possibly “save the day”. It wasn’t my responsible. It is as if we humans have this damaged damsel in distress kind of mentality. It was time to swoop in and rescue the person in distress and take off for safer lands.

• Nahum 1:7 – The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; he knows those who take refuge in him.

A Bit of a Reality Check:

I didn’t really understand why a person who claimed to be my friend would tell me that I couldn’t and shouldn’t be the person to come to her aid. She didn’t need me to save her. All she needed was for me to be her friend and to listen. That was until I had a friend that thought she needed to be my savior.

A good friend of mine who I have known for many years was awesome when it came to her being there for me. It has been many years since I last talked to her because of this experience. But, she knew that I was going through a hard time physically. She came close to being the princess on the white horse where she would ride in to save the day. I didn’t mind her being there and it was totally awesome that she would listen to me. It is hard to find good listeners these days. She was awesome. But, I allowed it to go to far.

I would confide in her on all things. Everyone needs that one friend that you can tell everything to and they don’t judge you and they tell you what you need to hear. I didn’t see how much she became more important in my life than those in my family. If I had a problem, I would go to her. If I wasn’t feeling good or frustrated, I would go to her. She was the first person I would call when it came to any decisions I would make. I didn’t realize how much of a toxic situation it had become. So much so, that it was as if I was allowing her to make important choices for my life. She wanted to be my savior and I was allowing it to happen.

Then one day, something happened, or should I say clicked. I was talking to some family members and I wasn’t paying attention to what she was saying. She had this whole plan on how she had to help me in all areas of my life. She had this idea that I had to do things the way she did since she obviously went to college and so she said a higher education and more life experience.

She would take care of my business matters behind my back and not say anything to me. I had no clue that she was calling people in my life and making decisions about what she thought I should be doing. Even when she moved away, she was still doing that. She wanted full access to a lot of things in my life. She would send me emails about all kinds of weird things. Not only did she try to dictate what I needed to do in my private life, she also contacted people at my church. If I didn’t do things the way she instructed, then all of a sudden she would turn into someone else. It was her way or no way. There is no way I could live up to her standards and I could not live in her world.

There was a great deal of lies and manipulations that went on in that toxic friendship. I never realized half of what she said to others. I was floored by a lot of it. I had a great deal of respect for her. After that friendship, I have to say that I have never trusted anyone in the same way. She was great when it came to quoting the Bible. She was also really good at telling me that I was having all of these medical problems in my life because I wasn’t trusting her enough and I wasn’t trusting God. I needed to trust more. I think she was wanting me to trust her more. her lies began to unravel and life seemed to settle down.

I would like to warn anyone out there that if you have a friendship or a relationship with someone and you notice that the person who was supposedly stronger than you are gets in the way of family relationships and your relationship with Christ, you should run as fast as you can.

She was great at reminding me that she is here for me and that I can lean on her. NO, that is not how it goes. I can only lean on Christ and nobody else. Like I told my friend, it isn’t her job to be the rock of the strong person. Her job is to be there for the other person and to listen. Her job is to pray and offer comfort. Her job, my ex-friends job and my job is NOT to be the strong person or the rock.

In closing, I want to say that if we take on that role to be the strong person in everyone else’s life, then why would they ever want to turn to Christ, I can’t be the person to come in to save the day for anyone. I can be the person to be there for them, love on them and pray for them.

My favorite Bible verse is, “God is our refuge and strength, ever-present in times of trouble.” I honestly believe this.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)

I don’t know about you, but there has been times when I would spend time with someone who I wasn’t particularly fond of. It bothered me that all she knows how to do is bicker and gripe. She finds fault in just about anything or any one… even when life seems to be going right . It is difficult to be around someone who finds in everything and with everyone.

I hope that I’m not the kind of person that people don’t like to be around. Even though I do have my moments. I would like you to take a moment and think about a time when you have been around a person who goes out of their way to be kind to others. I will do a little comparison on what the difference is when a person is kind and when someone is being downright hateful or demeaning.

These are just a few examples of a nice person: 

• Integrity : Someone that has Integrity  would be a person who has strong moral principles and values and then living your life.  When you have integrity, you adhere to choose to live your life with integrity whether or not other people are watching.
• Respectfulness: When you treat others with dignity, courtesy and in a civil manner, you are treating them with kindness. I believe that all people should be treated with respect.
• Compassion: When you honestly feel sympathy for the suffering of others and you have a desire to do something for them to take away their suffering, that is called compassion.
• Courageousness: Even if a person is fearful, in pain or they have other uncomfortable feelings, you mentally know that you have to step in to help instead of running away. You step up to the plate.
• Generosity: A person who is generous is someone who is willing to offer their time, energy, emotions or other things. They do things for others without the expectation of getting something in return.
• Kindness:  When you are showing kindness to others, it is with the intent of being helpful and considerate towards others.Those who show unconditional kindness has a positive disposition.

What does the Bible say about kindness?

As a Christian when I think about what it means to be kind, the first thing or person I think about is Jesus Christ Himself.

Titus 3:4-6: But when the kindness of and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. (NIV)

These are just a few examples of a hateful person: 

As I consider some traits of a person who is mean or demeaning, I think about some people in my life. which is way to many. Could you imagine how much nicer life would be if we got rid of some if not all of these trait.

• Rudeness – When a person is rude it means that they are offensive, embarrassing and impolite.  
• Toxic people are manipulative. The toxic and manipulating person are able to get people to do what they want them to do. They have the mindset that it is all about them. They will do whatever they need to do in order to accomplish their goal.
• Selfishness: Selfishness can somewhat fit into the toxic person who is also manipulated. They have their wheels turning in their little heads as they plot and scheme. They are uncaring and they always have the “Me First” trait. They wouldn’t think of sacrificing anything for anyone and they do expect things in return.
• Conceited –  When a person is conceited it means that they have a high opinion of themselves. They are fast to point out how small others are and how great they are.
• Not Responsible: The have no intention of taking responsibility for themselves. They are fast to point out the faults of others, They take no responsibility for their own feelings.
• Unreliable –  When a person is unreliable, that means that they can’t be depended on. I have known way to many people who have fallen into this category. After a few times of being burned, I have learned that I can’t rely on them for showing up or doing what they have said they would do. There have been times I was supposed to be somewhere and I never made it. 

While there are times that I don’t want to be nice and I am teetering on the I want to hit someone over the head with a hammer kind of thought, I realize that isn’t what I should be doing. I do have a temper and I go off once in a while, I strive to be more like Christ.

There are many areas that I need to work on in my life. There have been people at church who have come up to be and would say how nice I am and how I would never say this or that. I just want to say that I am human and I do make mistakes.

Now I want to take a look at what the Bible says about being kind.

Throughout the Bible we are commanded  to be kind (Gal 5:22; Eph 4:32; Col 3:12), even to our enemies (Lk 6:35). I’m willing to bet that the reason for God wanting us to be kind is because He is kind Himself, even when there are people who are ungrateful and aren’t kind at all and may even border on wickedness. (Lk 6:36).

• Galatians 5:22 (NIV) – ²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
• Ephesians 4:32 (NIV) – ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
• Colossians 3:12 (NIV) –¹² Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
• Luke 6:35-36 (NIV) – ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

There are many who feel that their salvation depends on their good works and deeds. I hate to burst anyone’s bubble, but it doesn’t happen like that. We can only be saved because of God’s grace—an expression of God’s kindness.

 How  can we practice kindness in our own lives? 

1. One of the ways I try to intentionally focus my life on being kind to others is by examining how I interact with others. I ask myself a couple of questions. The first one I ask is how is it that I have been kind to others and the other is for God to let me know how I have been unkind to others.
2. For me, I like to list ways that I may be able to help others and then set in motion ways to reach those who are lost and lonely. It doesn’t take very much to show kindness to others.
3. One of the most important tools I use when it comes to examining my heart and being kind to others is to pray. One way you can start is to pray and ask God to show His love and kindness through you this week.
4.  Now may be a good time to ask God’s Holy Spirit to show you the areas in your life where you need to change or improve on being kind to others. I do want to say that if you ask God to reveal the areas you need help, be ready for an answer. I have found that He is always ready to help me come to terms with the things I have done in my life which would include the good, bad and the ugly. Once you ask him about what areas you need to improve on, be ready to act upon His answer and be willing to accept help to overcome those areas.

I want to share a link with you all that you may find interesting. As I was writing this blog post, a local country artist came to mind. His name is Eric Dodge. I have noticed over the past few years that his life and messages has turned into inspiration and kindness. He wrote a book called, “Why Not Today?” Part of the description on the book says”…let go of our fears, let go of what is holding us back, and just let go of what we cannot change. We have one life to live. Why not see what we can do with it? Why not face our fears! And, Why Not Today? Are you ready to begin your journey with me? There is no better time to face our fears and chase our dreams.” I’m bringing this up because he was letting fear hold him back from being the person that God intended him to be.

I think many times we humans have a way of not stepping out of our comfort zone. Fear seems to take precedence over making a difference in other people’s lives and in our own. Now may be a good time to practice kindness in our lives and in the lives of those around us.

May the Lord be with you this week as you seek to be kind to others!

My husband and I stopped doing Valentines a long time ago.  I know it must sound pretty crazy that we don’t make a big day because it is the day of love. If people want to celebrate the day, that is fine. Each person has a right to do that. But I don’t need a specific day to tell let those I love know that I love them.  I find that days like Valentines are way to commercialized. I don’t see February 14th as a day of love. I see it as a day when the florists and candy makers are making a mint of people.

I get nothing out of someone giving me a gift, card or whatever else because they feel like they are obligated. Instead we enjoy doing things for each other to surprise them with gifts or spending time together throughout the year.

When I worked at Lins Marketplace and would help with flowers and balloons, I can’t even count how many husbands and boyfriends would come in looking for anything and everything just to keep them out of the doghouse. They would point out how their loved ones told them if they didn’t buy roses, candies, teddy bears or balloons, the might as well not come home. I felt bad for the men who thought they would be heading to divorce court if they didn’t buy something for the quote unquote person that they love. I would prefer to get nothing instead of my husband feeling like he has to give me something.

I can’t talk about this day without sharing some history about it. I was actually surprised to find out that most people don’t know that this day is named for Saint Valentine or Valentines. While I do find that a little sad, it is understandable. Here in the US, we don’t talk about Saint Valentine much. This holiday is all about love (well, love, candy, flowers, and food!). If you would like to learn more about the history of Valentines, Click Here. 

I never really thought much about Valentines day and how it can be hard on some people. My daughter came home from school one day and she was in tears. Her sister received a number of Valentines cards and also had a date for the night. My other daughter didn’t. I was wondering why she was so upset. She and I had a talk and she was depressed because she felt nobody cared about her and that nobody loved her. I took this very seriously.

Valentines Day for the most part focuses entirely on love and romantic relationships. It is great for those who are in a romantic relations, but for those who aren’t it is a source of depression and many may isolate themselves.   Many people who doesn’t have a Valentines may find it more difficult to go to work, school  because of others getting chocolates or roses delivered to those around them. For most single people it could be a minor inconvenience, but for others who suffer from depression or other mental illnesses the feelings of isolation and loneliness could be much worse.

I was reading up on how Valentines Day is a source of depression for many. Here is a bit of information on how to deal with depression and isolation.

Fighting Valentine’s Day depression (src, Sovereign Health of California)

The time during and after Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be depressing. Here are five things anyone can do to beat depression year-round:

• Have perspective. Valentine’s Day isn’t an official holiday; nobody’s being commanded to be involved with another person. If you’re alone and beating yourself up, have a day where you’re good to yourself for once.
• Focus on giving love rather than receiving it. The love people feel is often the love they give to the rest of the world. Volunteering could be a good outlet.
• Think of the people close to you. Be it family members or friends, not every relationship needs to be romantic to be fulfilling. Anyone with friends is fortunate, and a strong social safety net is helpful in fighting depression.
• Be in the present. Don’t think about relationships that ended poorly – they’re history and over with. Also, don’t think about future relationships or fantasies about someone you’re not involved with.
• Get exercise. Get out of the house and stay active. Exercise releases endorphins, which can lift moods.

While I was blowing up balloons at my work place a customer told me that her husband better get her something for Valentines or she is considering leaving her. She would not be humiliated if he forgot. It wasn’t like she wanted a small bouquet of flowers or a box of chocolates. What she wanted would have costed her husband well over $100.00. The roses alone would have been $89.00. She wanted the best of the best. I actually became angry with her and called her a shallow person.

A few years ago a friend of mine was commenting on how excited she was about Valentines day. She was super excited and I asked her why. She told me that it is because her husband always gets her something good. There was no mention of how she was excited to spend time with her hubby or how much she loved him.  She had no plans on getting him anything. She was all about what she was going to get.

I don’t understand why a woman would think it is OK to put their husband or boyfriend in that position. I don’t want to include everyone in this comment. I think there are some genuine guys out there who wants to  shower their loved ones with gifts. By why is it that these gestures have to be for one particular day?

What I would like to say to those women who thinks that nobody loves them because they didn’t get a stupid heart-shaped box of chocolates or a rose that will die, you are worth more than that. I don’t need a candy or gifts to tell me how someone feels about me. I would think that spending time together with each and everyday is invaluable.Gifts are nice once in a while, but I don’t have to have a gift to tell me how valuable I am.  We just understand that we value our time together each and every day.

In closing, I don’t want to say that Valentines Day is a bad day, I won’t judge others if they choose to celebrate it. For those who have a Valentine it is a good day to reflect and look closer at your relationship. I would say that it is a good day to remember why you have fallen in love the first place and it is a good day to do something nice for one another.

Mainly I want to say to each person is that each and every one of us has a Valentine and that is Jesus Christ. He is better than any box of chocolate or vase of roses.

Father to Son

by James S. Black

Oh, my Son, do you know
The gifts I will someday bestow
Upon my children if they will obey
And upon the straight and narrow stay?

You say you want to be the one
That makes known the value of “The Son”?
You’ll be ridiculed, beaten, striped, and scorned.
Of all my children, please be warned
Only you will be left completely alone.
You’ll discover the way and lead others along.

You will go to earth as a little child.
You’ll grow and learn to be meek and mild.
And if you do; if you teach them well,
You’ll keep them away from the grasp of hell.
There are blessings to gain, lessons to learn
Plans to make, and mansions to earn.

Be strong, my Son, you will be,
The one to work and oversee
My work on earth and on other worlds.
The gospel you’ll cause to be unfurled.

You’ll give to me all the glory.
You’ll live the tale and tell the story,
So others can enjoy the peace of mind
That faith and happiness can be refined.
They’ll come to know what went before
When they pass through heaven’s sacred door.

All this, my Son, you will endure.
You’ll lead the way, be very sure
That all my children have heard the plan,
Each one throughout all the lands.

When all the words which I have spoke
Have come to pass we will envoke
The ordinances that will bring to pass
The End; the world will be turned as if to glass.
And I will say to You, my son,
“It’s done, Jehova. Well done.”

© 2017, James Skouson Black